


Rewrite the Stars

by nihonlove



Series: ongoing connection [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ALS, Ableism, Adam Fans Stay Away, Adam Roast, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Best Friends, Break Up, Child Neglect, Chronic Illness, Episode: s07e01 A Little Adventure, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealousy, Keith (Voltron) is a Good Friend, M/M, Orphan Keith (Voltron), POV Shiro (Voltron), POV Third Person Limited, Pilot Shiro (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Platonic Soulmates, Pre-Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Pre-Kerberos Mission, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Romantic Soulmates, Shiro (Voltron)-centric, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Teen Keith (Voltron), Trans Keith (Voltron), Transitioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-07-29 04:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 53,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16256273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihonlove/pseuds/nihonlove
Summary: In a world where you find out who your soulmate is when you first touch them, Shiro's been content to be in a relationship with and to love Adam, even if Adam's not his soulmate. They've even sworn to each other that if they ever meet their soulmates, nothing will change between them, and they'll still be together. But that was before Shiro found his soulmate in a lonely, sullen orphan kid with a knack for flying and understanding him, and saw how that affected Adam.Or: The Shiro-centric pre-Kerberos soulmate AU about his dreams, his chronic illness, and his relationships with his soulmate Keith and his boyfriend Adam - only one of which, platonic or romantic, is built to last.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I'm super excited to finally be able to post this fic! It's been in the works since not long after the San Diego Comic Con and the leaked first episode of s7, but then I got caught up in other projects and left this one to gather dust. But now its first part been edited and made ready for your reading pleasure :D. 
> 
> As I say in the tags, you probably don't want to stick around for this if you really love Adam or his relationship with Shiro. I'm not very nice towards him or their relationship down the line in this fic. This fic is basically one big Adam roast, haha. But it's also a bit of an exploration of what it might be like if you met your soulmate and it wasn't at the most favorable time - if one of you was a little young or already in a relationship already for instance. Keith and Shiro's age difference in this fic is about 4.5 years, btw, Keith being 15.5 when they meet and Shiro being 20.
> 
> I've put in Shiro's illness to be ALS for this fic. I know this is a very serious and aggressive illness, but they live in the future. There might be better ways to treat it by their time, even if it's still not curable.
> 
> Special thanks to my beta reader veelightwood and my sensitivity readers for Shiro's chronic illness, one of whom is cocoricou here on AO3, and one of whom wishes to stay anonymous. Thanks a ton everyone!
> 
> Finally, tomorrow is my birthday and I'd love to wake up to some comments, wink wink ;).

If asked about it later, Shiro probably wouldn’t be able to say exactly what first drew his eye to the boy sitting by the window at that particular school Shiro was visiting on that particular day.

Perhaps it’s the bright, eye-catching red and white of his hoodie. Perhaps it’s the sullen yet disinterested look on his pale, small face; the boy’s large eyes seeming eager to look anywhere but the front of the class where Shiro is giving his introduction speech on the Galaxy Garrison and why he is at this school today. Everyone else in the classroom before him is abuzz with excitement, hopes and dreams; their faces eager and open as they look at him with clear adoration in their young eyes. It’s a look Shiro’s become accustomed to receiving from people ever since he returned from his first mission into space. It’s the look of people gazing upon him like they’re seeing the face of God in him, or like he’s an idol who has stepped down to walk amongst the common people.

Shiro has come to almost expect this sort of reaction now, even if it never quite stops being a little embarrassing. It’s not like the people who look at him like that really know him. But these are kids, who perhaps dream the way Shiro once dreamed; for whom Shiro is what the pilots of the Calypso were to him when he was their age and younger. It’s easier to both accept and expect this sort of admiration from the teenagers he meets at these recruitment visits to schools all over the area, even if Shiro envies them just a little for their faith in themselves and their dreams. So young and yet so sure of themselves they are. They’ve clearly had people believe in them and nurture them and their dreams throughout their whole lives. Such faith didn’t come so easily for Shiro when he was their age, determined as he was to prove everyone, including himself, wrong.

The boy by the window is the exception to the rule of hopes and dreams though. He refuses to even look or listen to Shiro or what he has to say. It’s like Shiro with all his accomplishments and titles doesn’t even matter to him. And that in itself is strangely intriguing in a refreshing way.

Fascinated as he is in the fringes of his mind, Shiro does his best to stay focused on the job he’s come here to do, dutiful as he is. And it does mean a lot to him to think that his visit here might change some kid’s life the same way the recruiters at his high school changed his not so long ago. This might be the first step for some of these students in making their dreams come true and reaching for the stars.

But this is also the fifth school Shiro has visited over the past two weeks and he can’t help the fact that it’s all starting to become more and more like an everyday routine for him to do this by now. He has every line memorized, every gesture and smile perfected. He can almost feel himself slipping into his “good soldier” act, walking through the motions as if on autopilot.

Shiro maintains his patented gentle guiding teacher voice throughout as he introduces the kids to the flight simulator and shows them how to use it for themselves. Afterwards, it’s up to the kids to prove what they’ve got and Shiro gets to hang back a bit more and observe from the sidelines, to make notes for himself and the Garrison.

Some of the kids do better at the simulator than others, but no one makes it past the third level. They’re all good kids though, clearly united as people who have known each other for years, cheering on for each other’s victories and lamenting together at each other’s failures. Flight skills can be taught and all of them can improve if they put their mind and effort to it. It’s equally important to observe how these kids can work as a team, how they might adjust to working together under the direst conditions and circumstances. And when it comes to that, Shiro rather likes what he sees in all of them.

Well, almost all of them. Once again, the only exception to each rule in this class seems to be the boy in red. He doesn’t talk to anyone, cheer on anyone, or lament for anyone. He mostly just stays on the fringes of the group, keeping his eyes to somewhere at his side. In return, his classmates all ignore him as well.

The boy feigns disinterest, but Shiro can see from the corner of his eye that he sneaks a few peeks inside the simulator as his classmates test their skills. His unique, strange violet eyes disappear from view as soon as Shiro makes even a hint of a movement to see him better, to look closer, but Shiro can still observe the cautious, hidden eagerness and definite curiosity in the boy’s eyebrows, in the sparkle in his eyes, in the turn of his lip. He’s clearly interested in what is happening, fascinated by what he sees at the simulator. But for some reason, he doesn’t seem to want anyone to know his interest, his true feelings.

Shiro doesn’t even know this kid’s name, but he can already make a few guesses for his secretive manner. It’s almost laughable how much the way he acts is like looking into a very nostalgic mirror for Shiro. In that mirror, the one looking back at him is someone so afraid of losing what he wants more than anything in the world that he doesn’t even dare to try and reach out for it. Someone who has already lost far too much, is already carrying far too much, and has lost his hope and ability to dream of something better.

Shiro knows well what that weight feels like on your shoulders. He’s lost count of the people who have expressed doubt over his capabilities for one reason or another, questioned his skills and accomplishments and did not want to give him even an inch of faith or so much as a chance to try. Shiro’s learned to ignore those people, those voices over the years, learned to stand on his own two feet and look at himself realistically. He knows better than anyone else what he is and isn’t capable of, even at times when other people question it. He knows how and when to stand up for himself if needed, and how to prove himself worthy when others don’t believe in him.

But it wasn’t always like that, and Shiro was also 16 once, not so long ago even. And when you’re 16 and the rest of the world seems to be against you just on principle, what carries you – what carried  _ him  _ – are the people who know you and care for you and have faith in you. Who believe in you enough for you to start believing in yourself through everything as you learn to do better.

This boy is an outsider in his class. Even the headmistress has barely looked at him all day. There is a sullenness to his entire form, isolated and frustrated and  _ scared _ . Like a cat who has already bared its claws just in case to strike at any sign of danger because all it’s ever known is pain and cruelty.  It seems very likely that he has no one to carry him.

Well, maybe Shiro can carry him for just a bit at least. He can show this boy some kindness. Shiro can’t know if it’ll do anything for this kid, but he should at least be given a fair chance to try his skills at the simulator if nothing else. Everyone else has already taken their turn, and it would be unfair to leave him out, especially since he’s secretly clearly so eager to try it. Try flying.

“Looks like you’re the only one who’s left,” Shiro speaks to the boy, keeping his tone light but encouraging. He’s getting the feeling the kid doesn’t want too much attention drawn to himself, whether it be positive or negative. It’s best to be cautious.

It’s at the sound of his voice that the boy finally looks at Shiro, even if it’s just over his shoulder. His mouth has dropped open slightly, brows almost nervous in their furrow. He seems almost confused by Shiro’s attention, clearly having expected to remain ignored. It creates a twinge in Shiro’s heart that he doesn’t let show on his face, even as he helps and guides the boy settle into the simulator. The kid still doesn’t say anything, but his violet eyes follow each direction Shiro gives him attentively, and Shiro’s delighted by the sight of that tiny sparkle returning into them.

What he doesn’t expect is for the kid to be downright  _ amazing  _ at the simulator. He makes it past level five in the simulator, something even most cadets at the Garrison don’t manage until a few weeks of training have passed. He’s a natural flier, completely at ease and in tune with the machine and its humming and movements, even as his classmates gather around him to watch and observe, and his talent is astounding to witness.

Shiro learns the boy’s name from the headmistress: Keith. A somewhat old-fashioned name, but strong and homely. It suits him.

Unfortunately, Shiro’s also starting to get a better idea of why Keith was so cautious to show any hope or excitement over anything today. The headmistress calls him a “discipline case,” saying she doesn’t think he’d fit in at the Garrison, and instead shows off another student to him. The boy she calls over, James, did show potential in the simulator and even as a leader with the way he interacts with his classmates, but Shiro almost wants to scream at the headmistress’ face to make her shut up. He can still remember the whispers of the adults around him when he was a child ringing in his ears, and sometimes the words that weren’t even whispers. Even easier to remember are the words said straight to his face, the questions asked, the subtle suggestions given. Shiro may have grown a thicker skin as he got older, might’ve learned how to deal with people’s lack of faith in him, but it doesn’t mean the doubts he experiences don’t cut him even now.

But at least Shiro has people who support him now, and he knows quite well what he’s capable of. Keith, he’s quickly growing to suspect, has neither of those things. And for that, Shiro knows, any hurtful words are going to cut all the deeper, to the point that they leave a mark. And he’s fairly certain Keith can hear the headmistress now and this particular cut will form a scar that will never quite go away.

Keith’s just a kid, but everyone has already written him off as a problem to be passed onto someone else. Or not passed on. Ignored, left alone, neglected.

The gut feeling that Shiro gets from all of this, how wrong all that is happening is, rings all the more true when he hears the simulator crash behind himself. He’s not surprised to see that Keith is gone when he turns around, but he  _ is  _ surprised by the sound of an engine turning on somewhere else not too far away and tires skewing on the concrete beneath them. As he turns to follow the sound, he sees his car driving off from the school’s parking lot in a rush. The driver can’t be anyone but Keith.

“I can’t believe that boy,” the headmistress groans, rubbing her temples with her fingers, her frown deep and apologetic as she turns to speak to Shiro. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Shirogane. I promise we’ll handle this. He’s not going to get away with this, I swear.”

“It’s all right,” Shiro says, his eyes still following his car from where it’s still just barely visible down the nearby road. He wonders where Keith learned to drive. Or fly. Is he even old enough to have a license? He was driving so fast. What if he gets hurt or hurts someone else by accident in the traffic?

The headmistress takes out her phone, clearly to call the police. Shiro almost wants to stop her, but honestly, this is the easiest way for them to get Keith out of danger and traffic. Shiro can deal with the consequences later.

…

Shiro calls himself a cab to take him to the juvenile detention center where the cops have informed him and the headmistress they’ve taken Keith. They made it quite clear that this is not something new or an isolated incident from the boy, but rather something they’ve come to expect from him. That this is just about the last straw and they’re ready to lock Keith away with a single word from Shiro. They all give Shiro the same disappointed and apologetic tone of voice; the one that tells Shiro plain as day that they wish Keith was someone else’s problem and that they didn’t have to deal with them anymore

Well. Perhaps Shiro can help them with that. Although it’s probably not in the way they want or expect.

“Hello,” Shiro greets the young cop holding up the front desk at the juvi with his most polite, agreeable smile. “I’m here to pick up Keith Kogane.”

The young cop raises an eyebrow as he raises his eyes to meet Shiro’s. “You’re Takashi Shirogane, right?” There’s an edge of admiration in his tone. Ah, a fan then. That could make things easier. “Your car is in the parking lot, sir. We have your keys.” He picks them up from beneath his desk, holding them up for Shiro to take. “You don’t have to stick around. We’ll take it from here.”

“No, you misunderstand me,” Shiro says kindly. “I’m not pressing charges. I’d like it if you released Keith.”

That makes the cop raise his eyebrows in surprise. “Why? Surely you know that that kid is just where he belongs in here. This was just a matter of time, really. He’s just gonna end up back here even if we let him go now.”

Shiro gives him a forced smile, fighting to keep his face friendly and neutral even with annoyance beginning to bubble beneath his skin. “If he does, you can take it up with me. But until then, I’d like it if you gave this boy one more chance.” He adds a bit of desperation to his voice, mimicking what Adam calls his ‘sad puppy dog look’ to the best of his ability. He normally wouldn’t go that far with someone he doesn’t know, but this is a bit of an emergency. “Please?”

The cop’s cheeks turn a bit pink, and he lowers his gaze momentarily. He seems to think Shiro’s words over for a moment, biting his lip in thought, before grabbing a form from beneath his desk and handing it over to Shiro along with a pen.

“Fill out these forms. I’ll go get the kid for you after,” he says.

Shiro smiles, taking the papers in hand. “Thank you very much.”

He fills out the form quickly to officially sign off on not pressing charges against Keith. The cop glances it over briefly, before standing up from his seat.

“Wait here. I’ll go get him for you,” he says, before passing through to the restricted area with his pass, leaving Shiro to stare at the door after him. He grabs his keys from the cop’s desk to pass the time.

The cop doesn’t take long, arriving together with a sullen Keith that he’s holding by the back of his collar.

“Here you go, Mr. Shirogane,” the cop says, pushing at Keith’s back hard enough to make the boy stumble forward a little. But it appears he has good reflexes and grace in his movement, because he steadies himself on his feet rather quickly. “Hope to see you soon.”

Shiro gives the cop one last strained smile before approaching Keith gently.

“Hey,” he says. “Ready to get out of here?”

Keith stares at him, big eyes wide and mouth open, his brows furrowed in suspicion. He blinks a few times in rapid fashion, seeming unable to so much as say anything.

“Come on,” Shiro says, gesturing towards the door. “Let’s go.”

He takes a few steps forward, keeping his eyes on Keith’s the entire time. But it’s only after he’s almost at the door that Keith rushes after him.

“I don’t get it,” are the first words Keith ever speaks to him, just as they step out of the juvi and to the parking lot where Shiro’s car is, indeed, waiting. Keith lets Shiro walk him over to it, watching as Shiro unlocks the door with his returned keys. “I steal your car, and you respond by helping me out?”

Keith almost sneers out his words, the way they’re so laced with suspicion, with search for malicious intentions. It breaks Shiro’s heart for him, but also confirms his own suspicions on Keith even further. This is not a criminal or the lost cause everyone seems to see. This is just a kid who lacks the proper words to express his pain, without anyone who would even care to listen to him even if he had them, so the pain comes out in other, more destructive ways. No one believes he can be anything good, so he doesn’t see the harm in proving them right.

It’s all too familiar, and Shiro could almost laugh at the mirroring circumstances if they weren’t so sad.

“Yeah,” Shiro says, taking an almost playful tone as he settles into the driver’s seat of his car. “So you owe me one.” He pulls out the card from his pocket that he wrote on during the cab ride. “Be at this address tomorrow at 0800 hours.”

Keith takes the card after a twinge of hesitation, but he still looks confused and scared and so very vulnerable and alone. As he looks up at Shiro from reading the card, his eyes seem to almost be silently asking, ‘Why are you doing this? What are you planning here? What do you want from me?’

It causes another twinge in Shiro’s heart to see how clearly Keith expects him to have some sort of hidden, painful agenda for helping him. That there could be no other reason to do it than out of the goodness of his heart. That of course Shiro would only use this to hurt or use Keith further.

But he has no way of convincing Keith of his motives here. Shiro knows words would be meaningless to someone who has likely been lied to and kept secrets from far too many times. Keith’ll need more than that, will need to be properly shown that he can trust Shiro. Actions speak louder than words, but for that Shiro needs a little more time.

All he can do for now is say, “You’re getting a second chance,” and give Keith an encouraging smile, hoping it’ll be enough. That he’ll show up tomorrow and let Shiro help him forward from there on out.

…

“You should’ve seen this kid, Adam,” Shiro says to his boyfriend on their couch in their shared apartment rooms at the Garrison as he tells him about his eventful day. He filled out a report earlier in more official terms about rather the same things he’s relaying to Adam now, though he left the car incident out of those papers. The last thing Shiro wants is to become one of those people who have let Keith down before he can even properly give him a chance by helping people form a negative opinion on him even before they’ve met him.

“He probably would’ve made it to at least level seven if he hadn’t quit in the middle,” Shiro continues brightly, unable to stop gesturing with his hands in excitement, even with the way his right arm is buzzing with the beginnings of evening pain. “And that’s without any training! He’s got incredible potential!”

Adam just blinks at him, a strangely neutral look on his face as he sits by him attentively. That look feels like a needle in Shiro’s happy balloon of thrill and joy. It makes Shiro feel like he hasn’t convinced him, like Adam doesn’t even care what he’s saying even as he’s clearly listening to his every word. It makes Shiro feel like he’s doing something wrong. Like he’s indeed letting Keith down. He was just so sure Adam would understand and be sympathetic.

With his joy gone, it’s suddenly harder to ignore the spasms in his right arm, or the throbbing at his temples.

“Let me get this straight,” Adam says, his tone tense and serious as he raises a single eyebrow. “He stole your car and all you can talk about are his sim scores?”

“They were really good sim scores,” Shiro insists, but his words sound pathetic even to his own ears.

“And you’re just gonna let him go without punishment?” Adam presses. “And not even that, you want to  _ help  _ him?”

Shiro sighs, a little annoyed to hear the same words from his boyfriend’s mouth as he did from Keith himself earlier. It makes him wonder if Keith’s inner ugly voice sounds like Adam. He wishes he could explain this better somehow, to make Adam understand. To make him  _ see _ .

How can Shiro hope to convince Keith, convince anyone, when he can’t even convince his own boyfriend?

“He’s just a kid, Adam,” Shiro says evenly, trying to remain patient and not sound desperate or condescending. “A kid who has been dealt an incredibly bad hand by the looks of it. I think he could use a  _ helping  _ hand for once.”

Adam doesn’t laugh at his joke, but then that’s normal with the two of them. He never does. All he ever gives is the small smile Shiro’s become very familiar with as a sign of his sense of humor. He gives it to Shiro now, and Shiro contents himself with it. He’s always been content with that smile, always counted on being able to bring it out with his little jokes even after the hardest of days. It’s always been an ice breaker between the two of them, a way to ease tension, and it works well now, too. It helps make Shiro’s shoulders feel a little looser, a little more relaxed, the pain at his temples lessening.

“You’re too nice for your own good, Takashi,” Adam says, and it comes out as fond. His eyes are warm as they look at Shiro. “I know you see the best in everyone you meet, and I love that about you. But you seriously need to learn to be more careful, or else this kid will walk all over you. Some people don’t deserve a second chance.”

“I don’t think anyone has given Keith  _ any  _ chances,” Shiro says, and it comes out more snappish than he means. He sighs, lowers his head, takes a deep breath to calm himself as he rubs his temples. “Sorry. It’s been a long day. I’m a little on edge.”

“It’s okay. C’mere,” Adam coos, and pulls Shiro to him. Shiro sighs against his shoulder, breathing in Adam’s soothing, familiar scent, relishing in the comfort of his warmth. “Are you feeling okay? Have you been in pain today? Did you take your meds?”

“I’m fine, it’s not that,” Shiro murmurs into the fabric of Adam’s shirt. He pushes away any bothersome thoughts of how he wishes that Adam’s first thought wouldn’t always be that Shiro being upset or angry has something to do with his ALS. That even if he is feeling some pain right now, it’s not why he’s in a mood. But Shiro doesn’t want to get angry right now. He doesn’t want to fight. He just wants everything to be nice and easy and uncomplicated tonight. He just wants to be comforted and understood.  

“It’s just…” Shiro stars, licking his lips briefly to consider his words, consider the best way to make Adam understand. “I look at this boy, and I see myself. What I easily could’ve been if it wasn’t for Grandpa. How I’m so lucky I had him at least. This kid has  _ no one  _ looking out for him. No friends, no family, no decent adults in his life. And it’s just not fair. He’s got just as much if not more talent than I had at his age, and I think the determination to make it is there too, if he can find it for himself. Keith just doesn’t have anyone to help him get a start on his life, or to support him.”

“Hmm,” Adam hums, kissing the side of Shiro’s head softly. “Then you need to do what’s right. But please…just be careful with him. You don’t know him. He could’ve done god knows what and you wouldn’t have a clue.”

“Yeah,” Shiro says, sighing, releasing tension from his body. Adam understands after all. “Yeah, I promise.”

“And,” Adam says, suddenly sounding more playful in tone. “Be careful. He’s, what, 16? He might get the wrong idea when an older, handsome man takes a special interest in him.”

“Adam!” Shiro cries, scandalized, pulling out of the embrace with wide eyes. “He’s just a kid!”

“I know, that’s why I said it,” Adam grins, a mischievous tilt in the corner of his lips. “He’s only what, four, five years younger than us? I know you wouldn’t go there, but he might not get that, especially if you want to go play his knight in shining armor.”

Shiro relaxes then, and leans over to give Adam a small kiss on the mouth. “Don’t worry,” he murmurs against his boyfriend’s lips. “I’ll make sure he knows I’m taken. I won’t let him get the wrong idea. I just want to be like…like a big brother to him. Or something. A mentor.”

Adam smiles at him, and gives him a kiss in return. “Good.”

…

When Keith arrives at the Garrison gates at the agreed time the next morning, Shiro’s honestly a little surprised. He doesn’t necessarily like that he is, but still. More than anything though, he’s glad Keith came, proving both Shiro and probably everyone else’s expectations false. It makes Shiro all the more convinced of his cause, of his mission with this boy. All Keith needs is a little help. He’s sure of it.

Shiro spends the next few hours touring the Garrison with Keith, showing off the best of what the place has to offer. He tells Keith a little bit about all he’s seen and experienced in these grounds, about the drills, the instructions, and the flight sims. About his classmates. About Adam, too, like he promised. Keith doesn’t say all that much in return, but he makes small noises and nods occasionally to let Shiro know he is listening.

Shiro hopes seeing the place for himself might rouse something in Keith. Hope, perhaps. Or faith. Or even just dreams. In any case, it’s best he talks to Keith alone, away from the pressure of his peers or his teachers. Just Keith and Shiro, who believes in him and wants to help him.

Keith keeps what seems to be his signature frown on his face the whole time they walk around the Garrison, but Shiro’s not so easily fooled. He finds it hard to believe anyone would be, when to him every emotion Keith has is so obvious and plain to see in his eyes. The excited, even thrilled sparkle is shining in them again as he takes in everything around them, guarded as he is otherwise. All Shiro needs to do in order to see what he’s truly feeling is look a little closer. It makes Shiro’s throat close in to think the only reason no one might’ve noticed until now is just because they haven’t bothered to take a second look. To think of how much better things might be for Keith if someone had just bothered to  _ care _ . 

Shiro smiles to himself, and allows Keith his armor, not bringing attention to it or the fact he knows better. Instead, he takes Keith out to the hangars and presents him with the older ships the Garrison keeps preserved in them for their legacies to inspire the cadets and the staff. It pays off, too, because it becomes quite clear Keith  _ is  _ interested in space travel when he lets Shiro not-so-subtly know that he knows details about the topic in front of the Calypso.

Shiro doesn’t take this gift of gaining a bit of freely given insight on Keith for granted. He smiles at him softly, and quickly makes up his mind to open up with his own small secret in return to show his appreciation further. “Reading about that mission is what made me wanna be a pilot.”

There’s such deep longing in the depths of Keith’s eyes as he looks at the Calypso that Shiro can’t help but say what he’s been hoping today has been telling Keith all the while in words, “I wanna help you Keith. I think you’ve got a lot of potential.”

Shiro slowly reaches out his left hand, aiming it for Keith’s shoulder. He moves slow, giving Keith the time to move away or push Shiro’s hand off if he doesn’t want to be touched. Keith doesn’t move, just curiously observes the hand, so Shiro proceeds. Touching someone’s shoulder in an encouraging manner seems like an appropriately brotherly gesture. “But what you decide to do with that potential-”

Before Shiro can finish his sentence, his hand finally touches Keith’s shoulder. As soon as the two of them come in proper physical contact, a blinding, burning pain rushes into Shiro’s hand, right where it’s touching Keith. It’s as though Keith himself is burning his palm where they’re connected. Shiro doesn’t even have time to think before he removes his hand, clutching his wrist in panicked frenzy.

The first properly coherent thought that comes to Shiro’s mind as a way of explanation is that his ALS must be acting up. It’s always his first assumption when something hurts so severely anywhere in his body. But as soon as the thought comes to him now, it’s followed by more rational ones. The pains caused by his ALS don’t usually feel like this. It’s usually more like a throbbing inside his muscles rather than feeling like he touched a hot stove and burned himself. The pain is usually also localized to his  _ right  _ hand and arm – for now at least – rather than his left.  

The final thought comes to him as he looks towards Keith once more and sees him clutching his right shoulder with his left hand, his expression pained and almost  _ angry _ with the way he averts his eyes and grits his teeth. He’s holding himself in the exact place where Shiro touched him. Where Shiro was burned when he touched Keith.

It’s then that Shiro’s mind is flooded with understanding over what just really happened. What this all means. He quickly rushes to raise up his hand, his fingers to where he can see them and look at them, holding them together for a proper reading.

And indeed, just as he figured, there are now words burned into his skin over his fingers and his palm that certainly weren’t there before. The pain is slowly beginning to abate in his hand as he looks at it, the burned wound quickly healing itself into a scar that is making a permanent place for itself in what it’s deemed its rightful place on Shiro’s body. Shiro’s heart is hammering in his throat, frustrated and cold sweat beginning to break out on his brow and at the back of his neck, both from the pain and the realization of what it means, as he reads over the words in his skin.

**_As many times as it takes._ **

These are the words that are meant to define his relationship with Keith from Shiro’s own side. Words that Keith will someday say to him and that will showcase the very core of their relationship for Shiro; what Shiro will most appreciate and cherish about having Keith in his life. A symbol of what Keith will mean to him one day.

His soulmate’s words.

_ Keith is his soulmate. _

“Y-you…” Keith stammers, eyes wide and scared as he looks at Shiro, his shoulders tense, his face white as a sheet, and his legs bent as if he’s getting ready to run at the first sign of trouble or danger.

“Keith,” Shiro says, trying to regain some sense of peace into his mind, trying to help settle the situation somewhat. He’s the adult here, after all. He needs to be the rational one. “This doesn’t have to mean anything. You know that. If you want to, we can never speak of this again.”

Keith averts his eyes and bites his lip, and Shiro realizes that was probably the wrong thing to say. He should’ve known better, too. Keith has known enough rejection and being unwanted in his life. Shiro – his  _ soulmate  _ – should be the last person in the world to add to that pain.

So, unable to do anything else, Shiro quickly settles on speaking the truth instead. “Keith, we can still be friends. In fact, I’d like for us to be. But that’s all we’re going to be. I already told you I have a boyfriend, and I have no desire to leave him. We’ve always known we aren’t soulmates and we decided a long time ago that that we weren’t going to let that change anything for us. We love each other, and that’s more than enough. In fact, it means even more to us because we  _ chose _ each other.”

“I’m not trying to come between you and your boyfriend!” Keith snaps, forcibly turning to face Shiro. His eyes are blazing like fire with an emotion something Shiro can’t quite name or place. But it’s not quite the anger Keith is trying to make it out to be. “You’re the one who told me to be here today!  _ You’re  _ the one who touched me first!”

“You’re right,” Shiro says, nodding. He makes sure to keep his tone calm so as not to provoke Keith further, but also not patronizing. He and Keith are in this together now. He can’t treat him like a kid. “But Keith, I didn’t know about this any more than you did. I didn’t ask you to be here because of this. This is just a fact of life for us now, but we’re human. We can choose our own destinies. In fact, I’d prefer that. But it doesn’t change anything about what I said to you or why I called you here.”

He gives Keith a bit of a smile. He almost wants to grab Keith’s shoulder again but refrains himself. Keith probably doesn’t want to be touched after what happened when Shiro first tried it. “I know you’d make an amazing pilot, if you can put in the required time and effort. I still wanna help you get to that point. And I’d like to be a part of your life in general, as your friend.”

Shiro gently begins to move his hand closer towards Keith. The movement makes Keith jump momentarily, but his eyes quickly focus on Shiro’s palm, reading over the words with intent care.  

“After all, human or not, in control of our own destinies or not, we do have a very special connection now,” Shiro says gently. “We could become something very important to each other, and a big part of each other’s lives, if that’s what you want, Keith.”

For a while, Keith stares down Shiro’s hand with a thoughtful frown on his face, seeming to read the words on it over and over multiple times if the way his eyes keep moving back and forth is anything to go by. There’s still so much fright and vulnerability in the deep pools of his eyes as they pass over the words. And as Shiro looks at him, sees how small Keith looks before him at that moment, he knows. He knows that no matter what, he can’t just abandon this boy. Shiro is now the only real connection Keith has to any other human being. Possibly the only connection Keith will ever be able to fully rely on.

Shiro makes a couple of silent promises to both himself and to Keith at that moment. He’ll never give up on this boy. He’ll never abandon him if it’s up to him; he’ll always come back to Keith if he can. He’ll help him get where he needs to be as best as he can with what time they’ll have. He won’t be another person to let Keith down. And in order to best make sure of that, he will never lie to him if Keith asks him something. Even if the truth is painful, speaking it might be the only way he and Keith will ever be able to build proper trust.

Shiro must make the best of what they have with what tools he has. He is no miracle worker, but he doesn’t think Keith needs one either. He just needs  _ someone _ . And Shiro will do his best to be that someone for as long as he possibly can. 

Finally, after what feels like hours of silent observation, Keith looks up into Shiro’s eyes again, meeting his gaze head-on. “Okay. Friends.”

Shiro smiles wide. “Can I see your words? It’s okay if you don’t want to show me though.”

Keith doesn’t answer him out loud, but he moves to roll down the zipper of his hoodie and proceeds to take his right arm out of the sleeve. He’s only wearing a t-shirt underneath, so he just needs to lift its sleeve a little for Shiro to see his words.

“What does it say?” Keith asks, his voice gruff and almost demanding. “I can’t see it from this angle.”

Shiro can’t help the grin that spreads on his lips. “ **_Patience yields focus_ ** _. _ ”

Keith blinks for a moment, before frowning. “What does  _ that _ even mean?”

“Essentially what I told you before,” Shiro says. “If you’re willing to be patient and put in time and effort, you can transform yourself into something you never could’ve imagined.” He pauses momentarily, licks his lips to consider, but only for a second. He might as well keep building the trust between them here, and tell Keith the whole truth. “It was my Grandpa’s favorite phrase.”

…

Shiro tells Adam about Keith being his soulmate the very same night after he’s sent Keith back to the boys’ home where he lives and when he and Adam are alone in their apartment. It’s not as though Shiro could hide the fact of it with the words in such plain view on his hand, but he doesn’t keep secrets from Adam in general if he can help it. It’s the reason why they’ve been together for so long.

Besides, this is vital information that is going to get out either way. Shiro will also need to report about it to his supervisors in case Keith really will apply for the Garrison and they’ll be seeing each other around. And it does seem like he plans to, now.

“This doesn’t change anything for me,” Shiro says firmly, taking a hold of Adam’s hand with where the newly burned now words lie. “We agreed a long time ago that meeting our soulmates wouldn’t change anything between us and that is still true for me. You’re the one I love and want to be with.”

He pauses, slowly raising his eyes from his and Adam’s hands up to his boyfriend’s eyes. Adam has been strangely silent and still throughout this whole conversation, not even moving to hold onto Shiro’s hand in return, just letting it lie limp in his grip. And now, Adam’s eyes look unfocused and glazed, staring into nothingness beyond and behind Shiro’s shoulder.

“Do you…do you still feel the same?” Shiro asks softly.

It’s then that Adam snaps to focus, his eyes clearing up and meeting Shiro’s, focused and determined. “Are you still gonna be seeing this kid?”

Shiro blinks. “Adam, we’re just going to be friends. I’ve made that clear to him, and he’s fine with that.”

“But you are still going to be seeing him?” Adam demands, his mouth and brows tense.

“Adam, it’s really likely he’s going to be coming to the Garrison. I’ll be seeing him no matter what if that happens.”

“That could just be a formal thing!” Adam snaps, and Shiro has never seen his eyes so fiery and furious, even when they’ve fought in the past. “You can just be like…a favorite instructor or something. You don’t have to spend any extra time with him!”

“Adam,” Shiro says slowly, trying to remain calm, even as he can feel a headache coming on from all this tension. It’s been another long day, and he’s tired. He doesn’t want to fight. “Whether we like it or not, he’s my soulmate. And he doesn’t have anyone else. He’s about to go through a major life change, and he’ll need support for that if he wants to flower and flourish. More than that, he  _ deserves _ to have that, like any other person. And I’m the only one who can give it to him at this point in time. I’m all he has, Adam.” Shiro sighs, slumping his head. “I can’t just abandon him. I’m pretty sure he’s had enough people doing that for him already.”

They sit in silence for a moment, staring down at their joint hands rather than each other. Shiro takes a few discreet deep breaths, trying to calm down from the anger simmering down in his belly. His arm is throbbing to the rhythm of his harsh heartbeat and his body is starting to feel heavy with exhaustion. He can still feel a headache coming, pounding at his temples.

There’s more than one reason he tries to not get worked up like this too often.

Finally, Adam breaks the silence. “You’re just going to be friends, right?” he asks in a soft tone, sounding almost pleading.

“Just friends,” Shiro reassures him, raising his eyes up to look at Adam properly. He looks scared, his eyes shimmering with fear behind his glasses, and Shiro is quick to pull him in to lean against him, wrapping an arm around Adam’s shoulders. “I love  _ you _ . I promise Keith won’t come between us. But I can’t just leave him, you know?”

Adam bites his lip, and Shiro feels like he probably  _ doesn’t  _ know. This is just one of those things Adam can’t really understand, having grown up with a perfectly normal and happy nuclear family with two parents and two sisters. He’s never known the type of loss or uncertainty Shiro and Keith both have experienced, never known what it’s like to feel unwanted and lost and scared. To feel alone in the world, and angry at it for taking away what was most precious to them, and with that the security they once used to have and took for granted.

Shiro used to love that about Adam, that he shone so brightly and without any of the blemishes that Shiro had on his soul. That he brought Shiro to be a part of his family and that he could love Shiro despite all his old hurts and ragged edges that time has since smoothed over.

But even still, sometimes the way Adam can’t look past his own experiences and just  _ see _ feels  _ exhausting _ .

Shiro pulls him closer, and shakes that thought away as soon as it comes. Adam may not always understand, but he always listens to him. He’s always sympathetic. And he’ll be that way with Keith too once the two of them meet. Shiro’s sure of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for all the comments and kudos so far! I was really touched <3.
> 
> This chapter features some frank but fairly easygoing discussion of transitioning as well as my own headcanons for Keith’s trans identity and transitioning process and the worldbuilding around what transitioning might be like in the future these characters live in. Special thanks goes to my sensitivity readers for writing Keith as trans here: indecisivegaymer, mv_lit and cuddlemeaaronoppa here on AO3 as well as nikkutek on Tumblr. There's also some ableism involved in this chapter, both past and present, so another kind thanks goes to my sensitivity reader for Shiro's chronic illness, cocoricou. You guys all rock! <3\. 
> 
> There are also some hints of child abuse in the foster care system (starvation and general neglect) in this chapter. I've updated the tags to reflect all of this.
> 
> A huge thanks as always to my beta reader veelightwood for her unwavering support and help as well :D.

Over the next few weeks, Shiro makes sure he has time to spend with Keith, both so that they can properly get to know each other, and so they can begin to build trust between the two of them. He usually picks Keith up after school and they spend the rest of the day together until the curfew at Keith’s orphanage forces them to separate. Though even then, no matter how tired he may grow towards the end of each day, Keith always seems reluctant to be left at the place. Shiro can’t really blame him. He’s seen the home after all, with its dreary block-shaped form and its off-putting even rows of small windows. The whole building is also surrounded by stone walls and concrete grounds. It always reminds Shiro more of a prison than a place where children without families are meant to be brought up. Not to even mention that, judging by the looks the caretakers there always give Keith, and the curt manner they use to speak to him when Shiro brings him in, Keith’s probably as liked there as he is at school.

Shiro uses these obvious signs of lack of care and love in Keith’s life as added fuel for his determination to be the one good adult in the boy’s life. He makes sure to always pick Keith up in his car or his hoverbike at his school so Keith can relish a little bit in the jealous stares his classmates give him as they drive away. He takes him out to eat sometimes in all his favorite places around the city; the greasy diners he loves but that he doesn’t get to go to that often because the food they serve tends to give Adam heartburn.

Every time they go out to eat, Keith always stuffs his face full like he’s starving, to the point that Shiro has to tell him to slow down so he won’t choke. Keith’s hunger paints an even more devastating picture for Shiro of his life. Keith clearly isn’t getting enough food and nutrition, and it explains a little of why he’s so small at nearly 16. He seems to especially favor meat when he gets to choose his own meals, and Shiro gets the feeling he probably doesn’t get much of it since as a ward of the state he’s living on government rations. It makes Shiro even more determined to feed him until he’s full.

“You don’t have to do all of this, you know,” Keith says, even as he’s picking up the last of his fries off his plate, shoving them all into his mouth at once like they’re his last meal. Perhaps he thinks they are, given the way he’s talking now. “You shouldn’t spend so much money on me.”

“Yes, I do,” Shiro says seriously, meeting Keith’s eyes from across the table of the booth they’re occupying. “Someone has to. Someone _should’ve_ ,” he spits. “And don’t worry about the money, Keith. You’re just a kid. It’s not something you should concern yourself with.”

“Well, I can’t see your boyfriend being too happy about you spending so much on me,” Keith hisses to his side, averting his eyes, his cheeks sunken in with the way he’s biting them on the inside. “You guys live together right? Shouldn’t you, like, be saving for your future with him or something?”

Shiro sighs, lowers his head and closes his eyes to cool off a little. “Keith, I’m very appreciated at the Garrison. I make enough money, without even counting that I barely need to buy clothes or my own food because I am in a Garrison-provided uniform most of the time and get to eat for free at the cafeteria there.” He raises his head and presents a smile in Keith’s direction. “You don’t have to worry about me paying for a few meals for you.”

Keith bites his lip and something pained passes across his eyes, deepening his frown. He’s now sucking his cheeks in tight, and they look a bit pink at the top. His eyes do as well, now that Shiro looks closer. Not to mention that they’re gleaming rather suspiciously in the diner’s overhead lights.

Keith’s fighting tears.

Shiro doesn’t comment on it, doesn’t draw attention to it. He waits out in silence for Keith to compose himself, not piercing him with his eyes but not looking away from Keith either. He can allow Keith his walls if he’s so determined to keep them up. After all, sometimes those walls are all a person might have to keep them standing. At the same time, though, Shiro also wants him to know there is no shame in the way Keith feels, no need for him to be embarrassed of being emotional around Shiro. But Shiro can be patient. He can wait until Keith will let him inside the walls. Until then, he’ll just stand by his side quietly, ready to support him at any moment he might be needed.

“It’s just…” Keith eventually chokes out, his voice sounding a little hoarse, but steady enough, even as his eyes still remain lowered. “I don’t wanna owe you. And I can’t do anything to pay you back. The orphanage doesn’t allow us to have part-time jobs. Not that I think anyone would take me even if they did, and…”

“Keith,” Shiro says gently, now peering directly at him until Keith slowly raises his chin and meets his gaze. Shiro wishes he was close enough to put his hand on Keith’s shoulder as a sign of comfort, but he really can’t from this side of the booth. And going over to Keith’s side would probably count as making too big of a number of Keith’s feelings when that’s not what he wants.

So Shiro says put and instead says, “You don’t have to worry about owing me anything. You’re my friend and my soulmate. And like I said, you’re just a kid. I’m not expecting you to pay me back for helping you because that’s just what friends _do_.” He gives Keith a gentle smile. “It’s okay to depend on someone else sometimes, Keith. We’re human, after all. We all need that once in a while.”

Keith bites his lip again, his expression closed, but he doesn’t draw his eyes away from Shiro’s this time. It’s an improvement, and Shiro smiles a bit wider for it. He knows Keith probably hasn’t had anyone to properly depend on since he lost his family and was put into the system. It’s a work-in-progress to get him to trust Shiro. But Shiro’s willing to put in the time and effort. Keith’s worth it. He knows he is.

“…Okay,” Keith says softly, his lips finally spreading into a tiny smile in return for Shiro’s. “But if you ever need me for anything, I wanna be able to help you, too. Isn’t that what friends do, too? Help each other out?”

Shiro grins. “Indeed,” he says. “For now though, I think the best way for you to pay me back is just to keep working hard at school so you can get into the Garrison. Speaking of which,” Shiro glances down at his wristwatch, “we should get going. Your math homework isn’t going to finish itself.”

“Kinda wish it would though,” Keith groans, but begins shuffling himself out of their booth nonetheless.

“I know, buddy.” Shiro chuckles. “But I’m gonna help you for as long as you need it, okay? And you’ve already improved a lot since I first started tutoring you.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Keith mumbles as the two of them step out of the diner’s front door.

“Keith,” Shiro says emphatically, now putting his hand on the boy’s shoulder the way he wanted to earlier, both to stop him, to catch his attention, and to comfort him. “Don’t put down your own accomplishments like that. You’ve been working so hard in the past weeks, and it shows in the work. You’re only gonna keep getting better. Your improving grades are going to look really good on your application for the Garrison.”

“It’s just because of you,” Keith says, but it comes out more like a huff. His cheeks look a bit pink again as he averts his eyes. “I could never get any of that stuff before you started teaching me.”

“Even so, you’re the one making all of this happen now. Remember that,” Shiro says kindly. “I know you’ve moved around a lot in the past. That doesn’t exactly make for a very stable learning experience.” Not to mention the lack of faith or effort on everyone’s part when it comes to Keith, but Shiro knows the boy doesn’t like attention drawn to that, so he keeps his mouth shut. But Shiro knows by now that Keith is a smart, bright kid. He may need a bit more assistance and guidance, a more personalized way of teaching, but he’s disciplined and willing to learn, unlike what his teachers seem to think.

Keith doesn’t say anything for a while as he and Shiro begin walking towards the city library. One of the things Shiro has begun to learn about him is that Keith sometimes needs a bit of time before he can give an answer to something; that he wants to properly muse his words before he says them because he can’t always immediately think of the best way to express what he’s thinking in words. Shiro lets him think, observing the journey of Keith’s thoughts in the waves that he can spot passing over his eyes.

Finally, Keith, his eyes glued to the ground before him, his shoulders drawn in nervously, murmurs, “…Do you really think they’ll want me at the Garrison?”

Shiro smiles softly. “I think they’d be stupid not to want you.”

“But what about what the headmistress said? What if I can’t fit in there?” Keith says, raising his eyes to meet Shiro’s. There’s fear in them now, and desperation. It touches Shiro’s heart to see how much this boy wants this one thing in his life to go right. But it also hurts to witness just how certain and afraid he is that it won’t, because that’s what he’s come to expect from the world, from his life. And it makes Shiro’s desire to scream at the headmistress raise its head again with newfound vigor. He knew Keith had heard what she had said. “Or what if they see my record and think I won’t fit in?”

“Keith,” Shiro says evenly, trying to calm both the boy and himself down, placing his hand around Keith’s shoulders again, brushing at where he knows Keith’s soulmark now rests.

Shiro takes a deep breath, considering his words as well, much like Keith did before. Shiro swore to himself he’d never lie to Keith, even when the truth was painful. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt knowing he can’t fully reassure Keith’s fears away. “I promise, I will never give up until you get in as long as that is something that you want. I’ll vouch for you, I’ll keep tutoring you – hell, I’ll even teach you flying myself if that’s what it takes.” He gives Keith an encouraging smile. “I can’t promise you there won’t be people at the Garrison who won’t look down on you or won’t judge you. But what I can promise is that I’ll do everything I can to help you get in and make the best of being there.”

Keith raises his eyes to meet Shiro’s, his violet pools bearing deep into Shiro’s own, as if he’s searching for the meaning of the universe in them. And slowly, a bit of spark returns to them; a bit of hope finds its way back into them.

As if embarrassed by that emotion, Keith is quick to avert his eyes again, his cheeks turning a bit red. “Why do you care so much anyway? You don’t have to go all this way just ‘cause we’re supposed to be soulmates. And honestly, if that’s the only reason, you can just fuck off. I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not the only reason,” Shiro says gently. “I just know you’re capable of great things. All you need is a chance and a helping hand. And I want to be that helping hand.”

Keith bites his lip again, and the blush on his cheeks seems to grow darker. He doesn’t say anything for a while.

“Are we going to the library or what?” is what he says when he finally manages to bring himself to meet Shiro’s eyes again.

Shiro smiles. “Lead the way.”

…

When Shiro returns home that day, it is to see Adam reading in their living room. That wouldn’t otherwise be anything out of the ordinary, but after knowing him for so many years and flying with him in symbiotic unison for just about as long, Shiro’s come to be able to read him pretty well. And Adam’s posture right now is anything but relaxed or immersed in his book. Instead, he looks tense and even angry for some reason, his shoulders drawn into an almost fight-like pose, his brows furrowed, and his mouth a hard line.

“I’m home,” Shiro says as he moves to take off his shoes, both his words and the removal of footwear at the door habits he’s carried to adulthood from his parents’ and grandfather’s houses, and that he and Adam have made a part of their lives together.

“You sure took your time,” Adam says, not even bothering to look up from his book, managing to convey his frustration just by the use of his forcedly even tone. “You missed dinner.”

“It’s okay, I ate with Keith.”

“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time with that boy lately,” Adam says tensely.

“We just met, Adam,” Shiro says, stepping over to the living room area. He takes a seat in the armchair closest to Adam rather than sitting by his side on the couch. He doesn’t think he’d be welcomed there right now. “We’re getting to know each other. And I’ve told you already, I’m tutoring him.”

“Doesn’t sound much like tutoring judging by how much you’ve been eating with him,” Adam hisses, finally rising his eyes to momentarily glance at Shiro, before quickly lowering his gaze down to his book once more.

“Adam, he’s clearly not getting enough to eat where they’re keeping him,” Shiro says, trying to keep his tone even. He’s tired from the day, it’s late, and he has to wake up early tomorrow for exercise. He doesn’t want to fight. He doesn’t want his muscles to start pulsing, start hurting. He doesn’t want his head to begin hurting because he’s worked up. “By the way he eats, you’d think he hasn’t had a decent meal in his life aside from the ones I provide him with.” He pauses for a beat, taking a calming breath. “And we did the tutoring afterwards. We can’t study on an empty stomach.”

“You shouldn’t be spending so much money on that boy,” Adam says.

“He’s a hungry kid, Adam!” Shiro snaps, angry to hear Keith’s earlier worries spill from Adam’s lips. “Am I just supposed to deny him food?”

“He’s using you, Takashi,” Adam says, glancing over at him. “You just can’t see that. He’s taking advantage of you being his…his soulmate, wanting to gain your favor so he can get things he clearly doesn’t deserve.”

“It’s not about anyone deserving anything, Adam,” Shiro hisses. “He’s hungry, and a child. That should be enough of a reason to feed him.”

“I’m sure they do at the orphanage, and at his school. That’s what they’re kind of meant to do,” Adam says, his eyes steely. “It’s not their fault if he’s a picky eater.”

“It’s more than that,” Shiro says, just managing to avoid growling. His head is starting to hurt. “He’s not getting enough nutrients. I know he’s not. He’s not getting enough to eat.”

“Well, even if that’s true, what is with the tutoring?” Adam demands. “You don’t need to waste your time on this kid. You say he wants to get to the Garrison, but why did it take for you to show up until he started taking his studies more seriously if that’s the case? Shouldn’t he already be at the right level? This is not a place for slackers.”

“Keith’s anything but a slacker,” Shiro snaps. “He’s an incredibly talented and bright boy who works extremely hard when given the right tools. He deserves to be here as much as anyone else. He’s just been dealt a really bad hand.”

“That’s what you keep saying, but are you sure that’s not just him feeding you ideas?” Adam says, forcefully snapping his book shut. “From the way I see it, this kid has been given a million chances to correct his mistakes and he just hasn’t bothered until you magically came along. Face it, Takashi, that kid will let you down hard one day. He won’t be worth all this effort. He’s just taking advantage of the opportunity of a lifetime. The sooner you accept that and let things just play their course, the less hurt you’ll be.”

Shiro sighs, rubbing at his temples. His electro stimulator bracelet is going off at his wrist, sending off its muscle-loosening pulses through his body. After all the years he’s had it, he’s used to it and the way its pulses feel by now, but the action always hurts just a little regardless. He doesn’t want to fight. Adam’s clearly not about to change his mind on this, not now. Shiro can’t solve all of this in one conversation. All he can do is hope things will settle once Keith actually gets to the Garrison and he and Adam can properly meet.

“Are you okay?” Adam asks, suddenly concerned, moving a bit closer to Shiro on the couch. “Are you in pain?”

“Nothing worse than usual,” Shiro grits out. “I just need to get some rest.”

“See, this is why I wish you’d think twice about all this time you’re spending on that boy. You’re spreading yourself far too thin, Takashi.”

“I’m fine, Adam,” Shiro hisses, a spark in the old embers of unsolved anger in his belly firing up. Adam always wishes he’d take it easier, but Shiro knows his limits. He’s the one who has to live with them and his body, after all. The only thing that’s hindering him today is this argument that is keeping him from getting into bed and working him up further, nothing else. “This has nothing to do with Keith.”

“Well, what about me then, Takashi?” Adam snaps. “I’ve barely seen you in the past weeks. You’re always either at work or with that kid. We’ve barely spent any time together.” He searches for Shiro’s gaze with his hazel eyes, a saddened, pleading look overtaking them as he does. It immediately makes Shiro’s heart twinge in his chest with guilt. “Can you blame me for being a little frustrated?”

And just like that, the embers of Shiro’s anger cool off once more, and he relaxes his shoulders as he exhales.

“Adam, I’m sorry,” he says, quickly standing up and moving to sit by his boyfriend on the couch instead. “I should’ve realized I’ve been neglecting you. It’s just…the deadline for sending off the applications for the Garrison is coming pretty soon and Keith needs to get to at least a certain point with his grades before then. I guess I’ve been too focused on that.”

Shiro chances taking Adam’s hand, and to his joy, Adam holds his in return as he does. “But that’s only an excuse. I’ll do better from now on, I promise. I’ll make time for us, too.”

“That’s all I ask,” Adam says, and finally gives Shiro a smile, before leaning in to seal it off with a sweet kiss.

…

Despite his promise to Adam and his determination to make time for both him and Keith in his life, Shiro also has other promises he needs to stay true to. He promised Keith he’d do his utmost to help him get into the Garrison. He promised himself he’d never abandon Keith if he could help it. And both of those promises still require Shiro to meet up with him regularly and tutor him.

Therefore, rather than cutting off the time he spends with Keith, Shiro finds other ways to make it all work. After all, his ability to strategize and keep a cool head even under the direst of circumstances is one of the qualities that made him stand out the most as a pilot for the Garrison.

Shiro makes sure to meet up with Adam for extended lunches more often, and he starts bringing packed meals for Keith and himself to their tutoring sessions so they can eat while they work. He asks the cafeteria staff at the Garrison to always pack up a lot of meats for Keith into these meals. It’s times like these that Shiro is more thankful than ever for the good relationship he’s built with them over the years, largely due to his inability to cook his own meals. He insists on paying them for their troubles too, no matter how many times they tell him he doesn’t have to.

Because they can’t bring food into the library and because the weather is growing warmer and sunnier as each day grows closer to the summer, Shiro and Keith start having their tutoring sessions outdoors on the lawn surrounding the library and under the trees rather than inside. It quickly turns out to be the best thing they could’ve decided to do because as soon as they move outdoors, Keith begins picking things up even faster than he did when they were studying in the library. It appears the bare walls of the classroom don’t work best as a learning environment for Keith, and he instead thrives in the nature where he can enjoy the birdsong and the way the sunlight plays on the grass as he studies. It all seems to help Keith focus better and Shiro’s more and more astonished each day by the way no one has spotted or bothered to care how much better Keith works if he’s just given the right tools and the right environment to do so.

It still hurts to think of how many scars on Keith’s soul could’ve been avoided if someone had just _cared_ a little bit more. But Shiro can’t change the past. All he can do is help Keith heal and be there for him in the present.

And despite what Adam says or thinks, Shiro finds genuine joy in both seeing Keith flourish and in just spending time with him. Perhaps it’s the fact that they’re soulmates, or perhaps Keith really is just that amazing a kid, but Shiro honestly finds himself enjoying his company a lot. He finds he really likes the way Keith is so refreshingly honest in everything he says and does. Just like that first day when Shiro met him, he doesn’t care at all who Shiro is or what he’s accomplished as a pilot. All that seems to matter to Keith is that Shiro is the one person in his life who treats him with kindness and respect, and actually listens to him. And for that, Keith slowly begins to return Shiro’s actions with equal kindness and respect, bold as he is in his manner.

Shiro honestly finds all of that rather admirable about his young friend. Shiro has always strived towards being kind and polite to everyone, even when he hasn’t really wanted to be or when the people really didn’t deserve it. It had started as a way for him to make Grandpa proud, to be the man he hoped Shiro would become under his guidance. By the time Shiro got into the Garrison where he needed to always respect even his rudest and harshest superiors and instructors if he wanted to survive, that sort of false respect was almost ingrained into his spinal fluid.

Still, deep inside of him as it might be burrowed, his politeness doesn’t mean Shiro doesn’t sometimes wish he had the guts to say what he really thinks to some of the people he meets; to at least demand more space and respect for himself. And Keith is almost like a personification of that desire, so strangely opposite of the way Shiro acts. He hides nothing and lets the world know what he thinks about it and everyone in it right upfront. And most of it doesn’t include nice things.

The two of them are polar extremes in that sense, but neither one of them is particularly happy in their positions. Keith will never get anywhere if he can’t learn to work with people, Shiro knows, and Keith knows as well, and Shiro will never be happy if he keeps living just to please others. It almost makes sense in that way that they’re soulmates. Perhaps they’re meant to help each other learn how to find a way to balance and to walk a more in-between path when it comes to life.

As days pass, Shiro hopes more and more he might indeed become that kind of a positive influence for Keith; to help him trust people a little bit more perhaps, because slowly but surely Keith starts opening up to him. Keith really is almost like a mirror when it comes to how he is with other people; he reacts just about in the same way to each action presented towards him by another person. When Shiro shares things about himself and is open and honest with Keith, Keith shares and is open and honest in return.

Shiro starts out small when it comes to the sharing to both keep the pressure off himself and off Keith in return. He tells Keith stories about his years at the Garrison and about Adam. About how Adam was his first friend at the Garrison, how they were assigned together as flight partners and how their well-synchronized working relationship slowly grew into something more as they got to know each other better. Keith returns these stories by telling Shiro a bit about some of his foster families and his previous schools, about the people he’s met over the course of his life.

Shiro spends an entire afternoon recalling his first mission to space in detail for Keith, who listens with shining eyes and rapt attention, hanging onto Shiro’s every word. He tells Shiro, almost shyly, about how he would sneak off to rooftops in his foster homes to look at the stars, or used a flashlight to read about space in secret under his covers in bed at night.

“It’s stupid, I know,” Keith says, looking almost disbelieving at himself over the fact he’s letting Shiro in on any of this. “But somehow I always felt more at home when I was looking at the stars or thinking about space. It was like they were drawing me in somehow. I felt almost like they were waiting for me to reach them.”

Shiro smiles gently at him. “It’s not stupid at all, Keith,” he promises. “I know what you mean. I also used to look at the stars all the time, and dream about them. I still do. It makes you feel less lonely, doesn’t it?”

Keith turns to him at rapid speed, his eyes wide. “How did you…?”

“We’re not so different, you and I,” Shiro says sadly. “When my parents passed away, all I wanted to do was scream and cry and break things all the time. It felt so unfair that I’d lost so much; my home, my family, my safety. I wanted the whole world to feel my pain, so I lashed out at every available target I could see.” He sighs, shaking his head. “I gave Grandpa a rather hard time the first months I lived with him. He’s the one who made me take up stargazing to calm down. It was the only thing that brought me peace at the time, if only for a while.”

Keith’s eyes soften, glimmering with sympathy, his brows furrowing in sadness, in understanding. “Shiro…I didn’t know.”

“I know,” Shiro says, giving him a bit of a sad smile. “It’s okay. But I just want you to know that I do get what it’s like to miss a home that no longer exists because the people who made it one no longer exist. And that I know how it feels when it seems like no one can understand that pain and what’s more, no one seems to even care.”

Keith bites his lip, staring down at his knees, clutching the fabric of his pants tight in his small fists. Shiro wonders if he wants to cry. If he’d let Shiro see it this time if he does.

In the end though, the only thing he gets is a whispered, “…how did you get past it? How did you get where you are now?”

“Grandpa wouldn’t give up on me,” Shiro says simply, smiling softly at the memory. “He taught me how to channel my anger into something more, to put it into bettering myself. The stargazing was just the start of it. But he also always let me know that it was okay for me to be sad and angry. The only thing that was wrong was that I was using others to try and quench my pain. I needed to feel my emotions and learn to let go of them, not dwell on them and use them as an excuse to hurt people.”

He turns to look Keith directly in the eyes, gently putting his hand on his left shoulder. “I know you haven’t had many people look out for you in your life. And that sucks, that’s absolutely wrong. You’re allowed to be angry over that, to be sad over that. But you shouldn’t let your anger and your pain ruin your life, Keith. Not when you are capable of so much more than what you think.”

Shiro brushes his thumb over Keith’s shoulder where he knows his soulmark rests, giving him a soft, meaningful smile. “’Patience yields focus’ was Grandpa’s favorite mantra to help keep me centered. And I think the reason you now carry it on your skin is because I’m meant to guide you towards the right path the way he guided me. To pass those words and their meaning forward to you, so to speak.”

Keith bites his lip, and averts his eyes. They look a little suspiciously bright again, and his cheeks have turned an almost alarming shade of red. He’s still so unused to affection and kindness. His reactions would almost be endearing in how plain they are to see, if the reason behind their obviousness wasn’t so sad.

Shiro’s not sure what he expects Keith to say at that moment, what he thinks Keith will follow his speech up with. Perhaps he’ll thank Shiro. Perhaps he’ll laugh it off. What he doesn’t expect, though, is for Keith to quietly murmur, “My Dad died when I was eight.”

Shiro blinks, but he recovers quickly. He smiles a sad, sympathetic little smile, both to himself and to Keith. Of course. He should’ve expected this. He shared something extremely revealing and personal about himself. So now Keith is going to do the same for him in return. A mirror indeed.

“It was just the two of us until then,” Keith continues quietly. He doesn’t seem to be able to meet Shiro’s eyes, his gaze reaching far off to his side, his large eyes a little hidden beneath his long bangs. “I never knew my Mom. Dad never told me much about her either, but I know she left us when I was still just a baby. It was fine though. I still had him. We had a good life together.”

He swallows hard, takes a few deep breaths. Shiro doesn’t say anything, doesn’t interrupt him. He can tell it’s taking all of Keith’s courage to say any of this out loud. If he cuts in, Keith might lose his nerve, and then he might never say it. And he needs to say it, all of it. Shiro knows he does. It’s the only way Keith can ever truly hope to heal, to face up to what has happened to him.

“Dad was a firefighter,” Keith chokes out. “There were some people trapped in a burning house once. He went in to save them.” He swallows again. “He didn’t come out.”

“Oh Keith,” Shiro breathes, and risks moving to put his arm properly around Keith’s shoulders. Keith doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move away. He doesn’t move closer to Shiro either, but it’s still a victory. “I’m so sorry.”

“Everyone called him a hero,” Keith spits. “He got those people out. But he wanted to make sure they were properly safe before coming out himself. A pillar collapsed on him.” He huffs. “But I didn’t need him to be a hero. I just wanted him to be my Dad.”

“I know,” Shiro murmurs. “And it’s okay if you’re angry he’s gone, or sad, or if you miss him. But…I’m sure he didn’t die on purpose. He didn’t leave you alone because he wanted to. He just wanted to give other people a chance to go home to their families too, the way he thought he was going to get to do that day.”

Keith sniffles softly somewhere below. “Yeah…yeah, I know.” And then, even softer, “…I’m glad you’re here now, Shiro.”

Shiro smiles, and pulls Keith closer to his chest. Keith doesn’t push him off, and leans his head against Shiro. It’s enough.

…

A few more weeks pass. Shiro keeps meeting up with Keith, keeps learning things about him each time they see each other. He tells Keith about himself.

The only thing Shiro doesn’t share with Keith is about his ALS. That reveal is never an easy conversation to have with anyone Shiro hopes to keep in his life, for more than one reason. He hates the way it always changes things, even when the people he tells about it swear it won’t. He hates how his ALS always puts a definite ending point for all of his relationships, for all of _Shiro_ , sooner or later. Most people aren’t willing to stick around just to watch him die. And even when they are, the knowledge that he’s sick can and usually will change the way they interact with him. They’ll become more protective, more guarded around him. They’ll start to avoid him like they fear they’ll get his ALS from him if they hang around him. Or if not, then they’ll start micromanaging him, thinking they know better what’s best for him than he himself does or his doctors do.

Adam’s the only one who has stuck around through everything. Even when he worries, he lets Shiro make his own decisions most of the time. He doesn’t question him and his decisions endlessly. He doesn’t look at Shiro like he’s a dead man walking, and instead just wants to make the best of what time they have. He makes sure Shiro takes care of himself and goes to his doctor’s appointments. He’s the one with whom Shiro’s relationship didn’t change that much when he told him he was sick years ago at the start of their romantic relationship.

Shiro’s not ready to tell Keith yet. He’s not ready for things to change. He allows himself this one secret just because Keith hasn’t directly asked him about it. Therefore, Shiro can’t lie about it either. He’s willing to bend the rules just enough for that. He’s not ready for things to change with Keith yet, not when they’re still at the early stages of their friendship.

Rather than dwelling on his secret, Shiro puts his focus on perfecting his routine to involve everything he has going on in life, including fitting his relationships with both Keith and Adam into his world. It seems to work, because for a while, things settle into a fairly peaceful day-to-day existence. Adam still sometimes bites the inside of his cheek in unhappiness when Shiro goes off to meet with Keith, but he no longer mentions it much unless Shiro stays out really late. It’s starting to slowly feel like things are settling. Adam and Keith have yet to actually meet of course, but that can wait until Keith actually enters the Garrison, given his general aversion of people he doesn’t know and Adam’s distrust of Keith in particular. Until Keith becomes a proper cadet, Shiro can just keep on building bridges from afar, and hopefully when the time comes, things will be that much easier.

And then one day, around a week before the deadline for Keith to submit his application for the Garrison, Shiro gets called into Iverson’s office.

He doesn’t know what to expect going in there. As far as he knows, nothing should warrant him needing to come see his superior officer in person rather than just talking with him on the phone or receiving an email. Shiro’s let his superiors know about the fact that Keith is his soulmate and that he’s mentoring him and vouching for him for the Garrison fairly early on. No one had any problem with it and he and Keith are also certainly not the first soulmate pair in the Garrison, nor the first one with one person being the other’s superior officer. There are policies in place for those situations and Shiro has followed all of them to the letter. So why…?

Shiro goes into the office, confused but ready to defend his case, to defend Keith and his right to get into the Garrison. He comes out barely being able to contain the skip in his step or the dumb grin threatening to spread across his face long enough to make it back to his and Adam’s apartment. And even still, even if he manages not to show it too much to preserve his dignity in front of others, he can’t contain the bubbling joy in the pit of his stomach.

Shiro can’t help the little giddy gushing coming out of him as he finally enters the privacy of his quarters, safe behind closed doors, or how the way he takes off his shoes almost ends up resembling a silly little twirl of happiness. He feels like that little boy who dreamed of the stars once again, but more. It’s almost like his chest could burst like an over-full balloon with how much happiness it contains. Shiro can count on one hand the times he’s felt this much unriddled joy over something. When he was accepted to the Garrison. When Adam agreed to be his boyfriend. When he was confirmed for his first mission into space.

“You’re in a good mood,” Adam says, smiling up at Shiro from where he’s grading papers on their couch.

“Adam,” Shiro gasps, and right then, his words spill out of him like drops of joy. He can’t contain them, can’t possibly hope to keep this unbelievable happiness inside of him, and he has no reason to. Iverson told him it was all right for him to tell Adam, and it’s all the better he knows as soon as possible, so they can start to prepare for Shiro’s news. “I’ve been chosen. They want me to fly the mission to Jupiter’s moons in a few months!”

It’s one of Shiro’s dreams come true, and the furthest he’s ever been allowed to fly without a copilot. He’s about to make it as far as the Calypso, his inspiration, once did. And he’s done it younger than anyone else before him. The thought alone is exhilarating.

He expects Adam to share his joy. Adam, who of all people knows what getting chosen for this mission means to Shiro. He expects Adam to rush over to him, to pull him in his arms and kiss him hard to congratulate him. If nothing else, Shiro at least expects a few words of expressed happiness on his behalf.

Honestly, he expects anything but this. Anything but a cold, stunned silence in the space between them, and Adam’s frightened stare and tensed posture in Shiro’s direction.

“Adam?” Shiro asks, frowning as he cautiously and slowly steps over to take a seat next to his boyfriend on the couch, in a spot left free from the papers. “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy for me.”

“I am, Takashi. Really, I am,” Adam says, but the frightened look doesn’t leave his eyes even as he takes a hold of Shiro’s hand. “It’s just…are you really sure you want to go through with this?”

Shiro blinks, his mouth falling open. “Adam, going on a mission like this has been my dream since I was a kid. Of course I wanna go through with it.”

“Don’t you remember what happened last time though?” Adam says softly, gravely, slowly. Like he’s talking to a small child. It makes a flash of anger flare up inside of Shiro. “You were bedridden for weeks after your return. And this mission will be even more intense, and last much longer.”

Shiro presses his teeth together, taking in a calming breath so he doesn’t start screaming. He can’t believe they’re having this conversation. “Believe me, I know that.” It is, after all, Shiro who has to deal with the pain that comes with him traveling to space. It’s him who was stuck in that bed for days, often barely conscious or able to move from the agony, and then having to go through equally excruciating physical therapy just to get used to being back on Earth again. He doesn’t need Adam to remind him of it, of what the risks of these missions are. “And I’m willing to withstand the pain for the sake of going. This is my dream. It might be the most important thing I’ll ever do. If I don’t go on this mission, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

“What do your doctors say?” Adam asks.

“Do you really think I would even have been considered for this mission if the doctors didn’t think I was well enough to go?” Shiro hisses, just barely being able to keep from properly snapping.

“I’m just saying,” Adam says, again using that annoying teacher voice of his. Shiro wonders how any of his students can stand it. “You could get seriously hurt. You could even hurt someone else if you lose your focus because you’re in pain. Takashi, you could _die_.”

“I know the risks,” Shiro murmurs. “The Garrison does too. There are always risks when it comes to space. But they’re risks I’m willing to take for the sake of doing this, and risks the Garrison is willing to take to have me be the pilot for this mission.”

There’s a moment’s silence. It’s a moment that seems spread almost too thin, like it could snap at the slightest provocation, slightest movement. Shiro barely even dares to breathe, let alone move. He’d come here wanting to share one of the most joyous occasions in his life with the man he loves. He’d expected to have his happiness doubled by seeing it reflected in Adam. Instead, it feels like all his earlier joy has vanished into thin air in the matter of seconds, leaving only pain. Shiro has had conversations not too unlike this one before, with multiple people who meant many different things to him.

He just never expected he’d have to have this conversation with Adam, too. His arm throbs.

“I know seeing me in the state I was when I returned wasn’t easy on you,” Shiro finally grits out, trying to keep his breathing even. Tries to understand how Adam feels, tries to put into words the way _he_ feels. Even if the fact he has to explain it at all still stings, still feels so unfair. “But this is something I need to do.”

Adam doesn’t say anything for a few more moments.

Finally, he lets out a long sigh. “Okay,” he says. “If this is what you really want, of course I’ll support you.” He squeezes Shiro’s hand, even gives him a small smile. “I know you’ll be great out there. But just…try to take care of yourself until then, okay?”

“Okay,” Shiro says, and manages a smile in return, breathing out his tension. There’s the Adam he knows and loves.

…

Shiro tells Keith about the mission at the start of their next tutoring session as well. As his soulmate, Keith is privy to that sort of information, even if he’s not yet a member of the Garrison.

“Holy shit!” Keith cries, his eyes growing wide and shining in the matter of seconds. “Shiro, that’s amazing!”

Shiro blinks. Somehow, after Adam’s reaction, he’d been expecting a much less lackluster reaction from Keith too. He’ll be gone for months after all during a rather vital transitional life change in Keith’s life. Given Keith’s history of people not sticking around, Shiro had thought he’d try to fight him, try to guilt him into staying perhaps.

But no. Keith appears genuinely happy and excited for him, eager to hear any details Shiro can give him about the mission and the launch. It fills Shiro with so much warm affection for his friend that he can’t help but let it spread into a smile.

He pushes any thoughts that wonder if Keith would still react this way if he knew what Adam knows, deep down. He doesn’t need them ruining his mood. He wants to have this moment, to enjoy sharing his joy with his friend and telling him all about it.

“Would you like to come see the launch?” Shiro asks gently. “As my soulmate, you’ll be eligible for that.”

Keith’s mouth drops open, eyes growing even impossibly wider. “Could I really?”

“Of course.” Shiro smiles. “I’d like it if you came.”

Slowly, almost shyly, Keith’s lips spread into an almost goofy grin in return to Shiro’s smile. It makes him look like a kid for once, and the sight of it fills Shiro with warmth. How far they’ve come in such a short amount of time already. He can’t wait to see where they’ll be in a few years.

“Just tell me time and the date, and I’ll be there,” Keith says, eyes dark and shining with determination.

“I’ll let you know as soon as they get confirmed,” Shiro says, before growing more serious. He shifts a little closer to Keith on the lawn, placing his hand on the boy’s shoulder. It’s starting to become a thing between the two of them. “Will you be okay on your own though? I’ll be gone for a while…”

Keith bites his lip, his brows furrowing as he, too, slowly grows grimmer; his shoulders haunch and draw in, his lips turning downwards in a frown.

“I’ll miss you,” he admits softly, chewing the inside of his cheek as he blushes. “But I’ll be okay. This is your dream right? You gotta go make it come true. I’ll be on my best behavior while you’re gone, so don’t worry about me.”

“That’s not what I meant Keith,” Shiro says, voice low.

“I know,” Keith says, not meeting Shiro’s eyes. His cheeks turn a bit darker shade of red. “You never mean it like that.”

Shiro smiles. “I know you’ll make me proud,” he says. “And when I come back, we’ll be at the Garrison together.”

That brings a small smile out of Keith as well.

“And Keith?” Shiro says. He waits until Keith turns to face him again to continue, “I’ll miss you too.”

…

Between Shiro spending time with Adam, tutoring Keith, his regular duties at the Garrison and the continuous meetings and pre-trainings for the upcoming mission to space, the deadline for the new possible cadets to apply to the Garrison sneaks up on Shiro almost without a warning. Thankfully, he had written Keith a recommendation letter a while back already, and helped him with his applications. Keith’s grades have improved vastly within the time they’ve spent together; Keith’s almost at the top of his class by the time he finally sends off his application. With all of that backing him up, Keith makes it past the first round of acceptance.

The second round includes a physical exam, a run in the flight simulator, and an interview with the superior officers of the Garrison. Keith is very active and a survivor by nature, so he aces his physical tests. He’s just as good at flying as he was when Shiro first met him and he actually breaks the record for the entrance exam flights. It’s Shiro’s old record, and Shiro can’t even bring himself to be mad or disappointed. The only thing he feels when he sees it happen is sheer pride, and he showcases it to Keith by chucking all protocol and pulling him into a hug.

“You’re doing great,” he whispers down at Keith, who has put his arms around Shiro as well, light as they are. “I’m proud of you.”

“It’s all thanks to you,” Keith murmurs against his chest.

Because Shiro has been training Keith for the interview, practicing the questions and answers with him, Keith comes out of it confident as well. By the time he and Shiro leave the Garrison that day for a celebratory meal, Shiro knows in his gut Keith’s made it.

When the letters come in a few weeks, Shiro gets all the confirmation he ever needed to know he was right all along.

“I’m so proud of you, buddy,” Shiro says into the phone, grinning so widely it makes his cheeks hurt. Keith called him as soon as he got the email telling him he’s been accepted to the Garrison. “I knew you could do it.”

_“Like I said, it’s all thanks to you, Shiro,”_ Keith says, sounding more than a little breathless over the line. Perhaps he’s been crying. But at least this time it’s from happiness. Shiro can’t fault him for that. He almost wants to cry himself. He can’t stop smiling. _“Thank you. For everything.”_

“You’re the one who made it happen, Keith,” Shiro reminds him again. “Just try to stay out of trouble until the end of summer, okay?” he jokes gently.

_“When are you leaving for bootcamp?”_ Keith asks, somehow managing to sound both excited and sad. Shiro feels just about the same over what’s to come soon enough. He’s still beyond excited for the chance he’s been granted. He’s just sad that the bootcamp before it and then the journey itself will mean that he’ll be gone for a long time. That he won’t be around to support Keith as he makes this transition to his next stage in life, or be able to spend much time with Adam before the new semester starts.

“In three days,” Shiro admits. “How about we do something together before then? To celebrate? I’ll take you out to eat.”

_“Won’t Adam mind?”_ Keith asks. _“Shouldn’t you focus on spending time with him before you go?”_

“You’re both important to me, Keith,” Shiro says, voice low with conviction. “I want to spend time with _both_ of you before I go.”

He doesn’t say that he and Adam aren’t exactly on best terms these days, not since that first tense conversation after Shiro was confirmed for the mission. Keith doesn’t need to be burdened with something like that. Besides, it’d be hard to explain the reason why he and Adam are fighting without telling him the whole truth. And Shiro can’t just drop a bomb like that on him so soon before he’s about to leave.

There’s a pause, before Keith softly says, _“Patsy’s?”_

“Of course, if you want.” Shiro laughs. “I’ll buy you your weight in pie.”

_“Oh, you’re on!”_

Shiro laughs again. He feels lighter than he has in weeks.

…

Perhaps it’s because Keith knows they’re not going to be seeing each other for a while, perhaps it’s because he’s still riding the high of making it to the Garrison, or perhaps it’s due to the growing trust between the two of them. Whatever the reason, when Shiro takes him to Patsy’s and buys them two slices of each kind of pie they serve alongside their hamburgers, it feels almost like Keith shares more with him about himself in a few hours than he’s done in all the weeks so far that they’ve known each other. It’s as though some sort of dam has been broken, and now words can’t stop flooding out of the boy’s mouth.

Keith tells Shiro more stories about his life with his father, about how they used to ride his father’s hoverbike into the desert, about their little house in the middle of nowhere, about the animals, lizards and bugs, about the heat and the clear skies that once were a part of nearly each day of his early childhood. Shiro in turn shares stories about his parents, about Grandpa, a few about Adam.

“You’ll meet him soon enough yourself, though,” he says, smiling at the thought. Surely things will get better when they can all be in the same room together, and Adam can see what a good kid Keith is for himself, and what he’s come to mean to Shiro. “I mean, you’re coming to the launch, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Keith says, eyes narrowed with conviction. “I just hate that I have to have my stupid hormone capsule replaced that same day.”

“Well, that’s in the morning, right? You’ll make it,” Shiro reassures him. “And when you get to the Garrison, you’ll be able to make your own appointments for when they best suit you, rather than have them dictated for you.”

“Can’t wait,” Keith huffs. “I just…sometimes I wish I didn’t have to have the appointments or the capsules at all just to keep growing in the way I’m supposed to grow. It feels so unnecessary sometimes. I mean, I know if I stopped taking T my body would start looking pretty different, and I don’t really want that, but the knowledge of that happening is kinda hard to internalize sometimes.”

Shiro nods empathetically. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine.”

Shiro knows that Keith was on hormone blockers as a child before he was deemed old enough to start T. Keith’s always known he’s a boy and his father had helped him decide and plan for his life’s path regarding his identity and body when he was still alive, helping him get on hormone blockers and start thinking about the future. Keith had in the end after much thought decided to go on T when he hit puberty, just to keep his body growing the way he saw as natural for himself, the government having to provide him with his hormones as a ward of the state. The only downside is that Keith has to get his capsules replaced at his school every year by the local nurse together with the other trans kids in the area, and the capsule replacements always happen on set dates. And this particular year, the appointment unfortunately coincides with Shiro’s launch.

Keith shrugs. “I mean, I know I’m a lot luckier than most kids like me were like a hundred years ago. At least I’m free to what I want with my body, and I have the tools I need for that available. I just kinda, I don’t know, wish they wouldn’t treat me like a product on a factory line to get through or something.”

“Well,” Shiro says gently. “Think of it this way; this is the last appointment you’ll have that you can’t schedule for yourself. After that you’ll be your own man, a real grownup with real responsibilities like making your own doctor’s appointments.” He smiles.

Keith returns the smile. “Yeah.” He takes his glass of coke in hand, raising it up in the air between the two of them. “To your launch, then.”

“And to you making it to the Garrison, and to your new grown-up status.” Shiro grins, lifting his own glass and clinking it against Keith’s.

…

Shiro spends the last day before he leaves for bootcamp completely with Adam. They’ve made up for now, if only because neither of them wants to separate on bad terms. They go on a nice date to a local restaurant they both like and where they usually go on their dates, and afterwards make gentle love in missionary position as they usually do. Things are as they always are. Shiro supposes he should take it as a good sign; a sign that things are returning back to normal between the two of them.

But somehow, in the face of going to space, it all just feels a bit mundane.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably a lot of creative license taken with the medical side of things in this chapter, but I hope it can be forgiven by the excuse of "this is set in the future" :3.

Despite the harshness of the training and the way each day leaves him sore and exhausted to his bones in more ways than one, Shiro relishes in the boot camp. He enjoys working hard, dreaming of the stars every night as he closes his eyes, satisfied and eager for the approaching launch day. Every time he feels tired or sore or lonely at the boot camp, all he has to do is to remind himself of why he’s doing all of this, why he’s chosen to do it. The boot camp is meant to prepare him for the mission, for his dream. If he can pull it off, it’ll all be worth it; worth all the pain and exhaustion. The thought of that helps him keep going.

What Shiro finds also helps him are Keith’s text messages to him. Keith’s friendship and the little anecdotes about his days and what he’s been doing make it easier to deal with being away from him and without anyone to rely on at boot camp. Adam texts him too of course, calls him and even visits him a few times at the site as his boyfriend, but these are all things Shiro has come to expect from having Adam in his life. These are things Adam has always done for him, while having someone else wanting to check up on him and share his life with Shiro is something novel, heart-warming and wonderful. It feels good to know Shiro now has one other person in his world who cares for him, is cheering him on, and will be waiting for his return when he goes.

It’s been just him and Adam for so long; Shiro had completely forgotten how amazing it is to have a friend outside of his relationship. Especially considering that things are still a bit stiff between him and Adam. Every time Adam visits, the two of them seem to go over the same conversation, the same argument, over and over again. Despite saying he’d support him, it seems the closer and closer the date of the launch gets, the more Adam worries. It feels like every time they’re together now, he tries to get Shiro to reconsider the mission, to give it up.

Shiro has tried all he can think of to make Adam listen, but he has to admit he, too, has just started repeating the same arguments for what feels like a hundred times by now. “I’ll take care of myself up there, both for my sake and the rest of the crew’s,” “I can’t promise I’ll be completely alright coming down, but I’ll do what I can to recover as well as I can when we return,” “This is my dream. I’m willing to withstand the pain for the sake of realizing it. I wish you’d understand that.”

But the thing is, Shiro is starting to suspect that Adam will never truly understand. The more Shiro thinks about it, the more obvious it begins to appear that for Adam, as much as he likes being a pilot, it’s his career first and foremost. It’s not his calling, his dream, his very essence, not the way it is for Shiro. That’s why Adam may never understand why Shiro’s willing to put so much on the line just for the chance to touch the stars, the unknown, and to learn a little bit more about what the universe has to offer.

It all wears Shiro down more than he cares to admit. He doesn’t like fighting with Adam. It always leaves him feeling almost carved out with loneliness when he does. It wears on him when Adam won’t listen or respond to his arguments, and he has to fight all his base instincts to not give in and apologize to Adam. It’s another reason for him to keep his eye on the prize, on the mission, on his dream. It’s just too important, and Shiro has come too far with the process of preparing for the journey. He can’t back down now. He doesn’t  _ want  _ to back down.

It’s because of all this and more that Shiro finds himself growing more and more grateful to have Keith in his life. For once, even if he and Adam aren’t talking much, Shiro isn’t completely alone. When he feels lonely between training at boot camp, he can reach out to his young friend and expect a reply that is going to make him smile when he has a chance to check his phone again. Keith tells him small stories about his long walks into the desert to escape the mind-numbing boredom of his orphanage in the last weeks of school, about the beautiful sunsets, the sounds of animals and the smell of sand in the air. About how he feels the most home out there, close to where he grew up before his father passed away.

**_From: Keith_ **

_ it’s probably a bit weird, but i feel close to him out there. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ It’s not weird at all. I get it. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Tell you what, when I get back from my mission, we’ll borrow some hoverbikes from the Garrison and go racing in the desert. Do one more thing to remember your Dad by. How does that sound? _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ …can we really? _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Of course :). I promise. I do it all the time. It’d be nice to have some company for once. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ you better remember this when you come back. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ For sure. And if I don’t, feel free to remind me ;). _

Shiro also tells Keith all he can about the boot camp, down to every last complaint he has about his growing weariness and sore muscles. He doesn’t mention Adam or their problems to Keith, because it’s still not something he should put on Keith’s shoulders and it also would open a can of worms Shiro’s just not ready to deal with right now. But just being able to share everything else with Keith helps. It makes it easier for Shiro to remember why he’s doing all of this, when he gets to see his own excitement reflected in Keith and has him encourage Shiro to do his best and work his hardest. For both Keith and his own dream, Shiro knows he must keep on going.

Shiro and Adam don’t make love on Adam’s last visit to the boot camp despite the fact they haven’t seen each other in weeks before that. They only barely manage to part ways without breaking out in a full-on fight.

…

Finally, the boot camp comes to an end. With that, Shiro returns home, but only momentarily, and he doesn’t have much opportunity to actually  _ be  _ home. There are press conferences and other media appearances to go through, photographs to be taken and history to be documented before the actual launch. Shiro doesn’t even get an opportunity to see Keith in person in that time, but at least they can still keep texting.

**_From: Keith_ **

_ they showed us your interview on tv. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ You watched it too? _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ ofc i did! _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ i’m really proud of you shiro. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ That means a lot. I’m sorry we can’t really see each other before the launch though. You’re still coming right? _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ to quote myself, “ofc!” _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ i just hate this place. i can’t wait until i get to the garrison. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Are the other kids giving you a hard time? Or the keepers? _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ it’s not that. it’s actually been ok lately. but everyone knows we know each other and they’re asking me all these questions now. it’s getting annoying. before they couldn’t give a crap about me if they could stand me and now they’re just trying to profit from me. idk which is worse. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Sorry. I should’ve thought about the fact that it might not be easy on you :(. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ it’s not your fault. people are just assholes. i’ve known this. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ i just wish they’d stop lying to themselves and to me about their intentions. i just wanna get out of here. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Hang in there :). Not long now. And maybe at the Garrison you’ll be able to find some nicer people. Maybe some friends even. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ i wouldn’t count on it. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ :(. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ I should get some sleep now. I’ll see you tomorrow? _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ you know it! sleep tight, space man. _

As he looks at the messages from last night for about the tenth time today now, Shiro feels himself growing all the more confused about what is going on. Keith had said so many times that he’d be here today. And yet now, on the day and site of the launch that Shiro knows he was looking forward to so much, Keith’s nowhere to be seen.

Shiro knows Keith to be very punctual and to always keep to his appointments with him. The very few times he’s been late, he has always messaged Shiro about it to let him know as soon as he knew. But now, Keith won’t even respond to any of Shiro’s calls and text messages. They don’t even seem to be going through, with the calls getting cut off right away, and the messages remaining at the “being send” stage, and Shiro can’t help the fact he’s starting to grow worried. He knows Keith would be here if it was up to him. What if something has happened? What if Keith’s hurt?

“For God’s sake, Takashi,” Adam snaps at him, causing Shiro to look up from his phone, to snap out of his muddled thoughts and to stop him from tapping his foot forcibly. “If he’s not going to show, he’s not going to show. I think you have more important things to worry about than him right now.”

Shiro bites the inside of his cheek, but he can’t quite manage not to glare at Adam a little for his words. He hasn’t been able to see Keith in person at all in the past months, and he would like to have the opportunity to say a proper goodbye before he leaves for months in space. Not to mention that this kind of behavior is just completely unlike Keith, but how would Adam know that? He still hasn’t even met him.

As if summoned by that thought, it’s right then that Shiro’s ears catch the thunderous roll of several approaching feet hitting the stone floors of the launch site in a rush. As soon as he turns his head to look towards the direction the sound is coming from, he also finally comes to the view of that familiar small face growing closer and clearer with each step, each heartbeat.

“Shiro!” Keith shouts as he sees Shiro has noticed him, his breath coming out fast and pained for his rush.

Shiro barely has the time to smile at him, let alone pay attention to the source of the rest of the footsteps – which he can just see at the background are several of the guards of the launch set running after Keith and yelling at him to stop. All he can suddenly focus on, his heart leaping for his throat, is the way Keith’s face looks. One of his eyes is turning a dark purple shade and seems to be swelling shut. His nose is equally swollen and he’s got dried blood rolling down and out of his nostrils to his lips. His lower lip is also bloody and split and his clothes are torn, untidy and ripped in places, as if someone had been forcibly pulling at them until they gave.

Keith’s been in a fight again, it’s plain for all eyes to see. But Shiro can’t even bring himself to care or be disappointed. He’s just worried about the state Keith’s in. He clearly hasn’t even taken the time to stop to clean himself, let alone take care of his wounds. Shiro’s head swims as he wonders what on Earth could’ve happened to cause all of this. Keith’s been doing so well lately. And even then, having talked to him about his previous fights, Shiro knows by now that Keith doesn’t fight anyone unprovoked. Even the times his altercations with his classmates have escalated into a fight, the reason and the tension causing it has usually had to build up for a while for it to get to this stage. Keith wouldn’t have gotten into such a bad fight, especially on an important day like this, if he didn’t have a very good reason for it, Shiro’s certain.

“Keith!” Shiro calls his friend’s name in return, to show him he’s welcomed and that Shiro’s not angry over him being late or for anything. To add to the fact, Shiro opens his arms for Keith, hoping he might draw some comfort and solace from Shiro now, while he still can.

And perhaps it’s the fact that Keith’s clearly been distressed enough today, or the fact this is the first time he’s seen Shiro in a while and will get to see in another while – but for once, Keith doesn’t hesitate in showing the affection Shiro knows he has for him deep down. He practically jumps into Shiro’s arms as he finally reaches him, his small fists clinging to the fabric of Shiro’s space suit as much as he can with the tightly stretched material of it.

“I’m sorry,” Keith murmurs against his chest, his voice cracking like he’s just about ready to fall apart. “I tried to be here on time. I’m so sorry, Shiro.”

“It’s okay. I’m not mad. You’re here now,” Shiro says, patting his back gently. Keith’s shaking life a leaf in his arms, and it creates a painful lump in Shiro’s own throat as well, his eyes burning.

Before he can say more, or gently begin to ask what took Keith so long and why he is in the state that he is, Shiro finds the guards that were chasing Keith earlier have also caught up to the two of them. They don’t look very happy either with the angry frowns on their faces and the way they stare at Keith’s back with contempt.

So, Shiro steels away the anger he feels on Keith’s behalf, and instead puts on his most pleasant smile, evens his voice out and addresses them first, “It’s all right. He’s with me. He’s my soulmate.”

“But sir,” one of the guards begins. “He ran right past us when we told him he had to stay put; that he couldn’t go in without an escort. He should be punished. We would’ve come get you to verify his identity, but instead he just ran off…”

“Please,” Shiro says, giving them his most earnest, hard-earned soldier look. A soldier asking for one last favor before the battle. “Can’t you let it slide for today? I was expecting him, but something must’ve gone wrong. It’s such a big day for all of us…”

The guards fidget for a bit, looking anywhere but at him, but also seeming to exchange looks amongst each other, whispering.

Finally, one of them raises his head to look Shiro in the eye, and says, “Fine. Just for today. And because it’s you, Lieutenant Shirogane.”

“Thank you,” Shiro says earnestly, nodding at them kindly.

He waits until the guards scatter off, back to their duties, before he gently pushes Keith back a little by his shoulders and leans down a bit to properly talk to him face-to-face. “What happened?” Shiro says softly, eyeing the damage on Keith’s face up-close. He really looks awful; like he’s been beat to hell. Yet he barely seems to care, doesn’t even show the way it must hurt at all. Perhaps he’s been too caught up in his emotions to really feel the pain. “You didn’t answer any of my texts or calls. I was worried.”

“I’m sorry,” Keith says again, his eyes gleaming and looking red as he attempts to bite his lip as he tends to do, but quickly winces as his teeth hit the split part of it. He seems to settle on licking the bloodied spot shyly instead. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Keith, I’m not angry,” Shiro says gently, squeezing his shoulder. “I just want to know what happened. I know you wouldn’t have been late today for no good reason.”

Keith averts his eyes, his cheeks tinted pink. “It’s dumb.”

“It must not be, otherwise you wouldn’t be late,” Shiro says. “What happened? Was your appointment delayed or something?”

“No.” Keith shakes his head, brows furrowed in frustration and anguish. “I went there early as planned, and got my capsule replaced. I was just about to leave and catch the bus here when…” He averts his eyes again, trailing off.

“When…?” Shiro prompts softly, squeezing Keith’s shoulder again.

“Stupid James was there,” Keith almost spits out. “I don’t know what his problem is. It’s like he’s stalking me or something. But he wouldn’t let me leave unless I agreed to take him with me here. And he took my phone and smashed it with his foot and he wouldn’t let me leave and…” Keith’s cheeks and eyes redden with shame as he resists meeting Shiro’s eyes. Shiro doesn’t force him to say more. He can guess the rest easily enough.

“Oh, Keith…” Shiro murmurs, pulling him in for another hug. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, I am!” Keith argues, pushing Shiro back again, evidently so he can yell at him better, even as his breaths are starting to grow uneven and his eyes a deeper red. “I promised I wouldn’t get into more fights and, and this was such an important day for you and…!”

“Keith, it’s okay,” Shiro says, holding up a placating hand. “I’m just glad you’re here. Come, we still have time for me to quickly show you around before we launch off.”

At that, he finally gets a smile, if a slightly wobbly one. “Okay.”

“Takashi,” Adam’s voice speaks from his side, and Shiro snaps at attention. He had almost forgotten Adam was here at all. “Won’t you introduce us, now that we’re both here?”

“Y-yeah, of course,” Shiro stammers, his heart still in his throat, before turning to present Keith to his boyfriend. “Keith, this is Adam. Adam, this is Keith.”

“Good to finally meet you,” Adam says, offering his hand for a shake. Keith takes it, but there’s a strange expression on his beat-up face that Shiro can’t quite read. It looks almost pained.

“You too,” Keith says. It sounds forced.

“Before we go around the launch site, perhaps you should go get cleaned up a bit?” Adam suggests, gesturing towards the nearby bathrooms behind Keith and Shiro, his tone almost eerily pleasant. “It would appear a bit strange to people if you were to walk around with blood all over you in a place like this, I would imagine.” He pauses, his lips twisting into such a strange smile that it doesn’t even look like a smile. “Well, your face will still look strange I suppose, but this is the best we can do with so little time.”

Shiro shoots him a glare over Keith’s head, but all Keith says is a quiet, “Fine,” before he starts heading towards the bathrooms.

But Shiro’s not so quick to back down. Not when it comes to Keith. As soon as his friend is a little more out of earshot, he hisses, “Adam, what the hell?”

“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Adam says, crossing his arms. He’s giving Shiro that same look and using that same tone of voice that always lets Shiro know Adam is completely convinced he’s right and won’t hear any arguments. It makes Shiro grit his teeth in frustration. His temples are starting to ache. “The kid is a mess. I can’t believe  _ he  _ is your soulmate.”

“Adam, stop it,” Shiro hisses. “Things aren’t so black and white as you’re making them out to be.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that he should evidently learn to control his temper better,” Adam says, sounding almost smug. Like he’s been proven right somehow. “Frankly, I don’t know what you see in him.”

“Well, good thing he’s not  _ your  _ soulmate then,” Shiro huffs, and stomps off to help Keith get cleaned up before he or Adam will say something to each other that they can’t take back. He doesn’t want to fight just before he has to leave for months in space.

…

The rest of the launch day thankfully becomes a lot more fun with Keith finally present. He takes everything around the launch site in with those shining eager eyes, even with one of them injured, and he and Shiro take a lot of pictures all around the place with Shiro’s phone, not caring about the way Keith looks in the least. Shiro promises to email them to him at the earliest opportunity since Keith won’t be able to get another phone for a while.

Adam stays mostly in the background since Shiro already showed him around, and Shiro’s honestly a little grateful for that. He’s still a bit pissed with his boyfriend and he doesn’t want to ruin Keith’s day even further by fighting with him. Besides, he and Adam have already had time for themselves to say their goodbyes properly. Right now, Shiro needs to focus on Keith, spending time with him, and saying his goodbyes to him.

When it’s time for Shiro to actually leave and prepare for launch, though, all of what he’s about to go through really begins to hit him. It strikes him as a blast of mixed emotions that he’s going to be gone for a long time, apart from the people and places he loves, chasing his dreams and new knowledge. It almost makes him cry with the weight of it, and it’s enough for him to put aside any sorts of disagreement between himself and Adam. He’s calmed down enough. He doesn’t want to separate on a sour note.

So, in the last minutes before he is to board the  _ Penelope _ , Shiro steps over to Adam and gives him a deep kiss goodbye. Adam kisses him back, gently cradling his face and silently letting him know he, too, is willing to forgive and forget.

“Take care of yourself up there,” Adam murmurs against his lips afterwards. “Come back to me safe and sound.”

“I will,” Shiro vows softly, giving him one last peck, before he turns to talk to Keith again.

“Take care of yourself while I’m gone,” Shiro says, patting his shoulder. “And remember…”

“Patience yields focus,” they both say together at the same time, grinning at each other.

Slowly, though, the smile on Keith’s face turns sadder, wobblier. “I’ll miss you Shiro.”

“I’ll miss you too, buddy,” Shiro says, pulling him in for a final tight hug. Keith clutches at him like he doesn’t want to let him go, squeezing him tighter than would seem possible with his small body. “But I’ll be back before you know it. Just do your best when you start at the Garrison, and tell me everything about your first weeks in the video messages. And when I get back, we’ll go to the desert together, okay?”

Keith’s smile remains a bit wobbly as he looks at Shiro, his eyes turning a bit red again, but his voice and shoulders are steady as he says, “Okay.”

And then by the final call to the crew, Shiro goes on his way, leaving behind the two most important pieces of his heart, and heads off to fulfill his dream.

…

In space, everything is so different. Shiro is stuck in a relatively small craft with the same people day in and day out, in less gravity than any of them are used to on Earth. He’s been trained for all of it, but it can still grate on his nerves quite a bit, to the point even the smallest sound like a sneeze or a scratch of a head feels like it could drive him up the wall. In some ways, he feels almost like his head could explode from the sheer claustrophobia and boredom. Shiro doesn’t have much to do on the ship, except his job and taking care of himself by eating and sleeping well. Time passes in strange waves, seeming to both disappear entirely and crawl at the slowest possible space. Some days, Shiro can understand why circumstances like these could drive anyone a little insane.

And yet, for the view alone, he wouldn’t trade it for anything. Shiro feels free in space in a way he never feels on Earth. The anti-gravity keeps his muscles loose and he barely experiences any pain whenever he’s in the stars. It makes it all the easier on him to do his job. It helps him forget about his ALS, even if only for a moment. While he’s up here, he’s just Takashi Shirogane, the best pilot of his generation, rather than Takashi Shirogane, the terminally ill space hero. Aside from his dream, that’s the other thing that keeps drawing him back to space, time and time again.

It also helps everyone in the crew are amicable and friendly people, all of them here more or less because this is their dream just like it is Shiro’s. The head researcher for the mission is Sam Holt, whom Shiro didn’t know very well before the mission because of their different areas of expertise, but whom he quickly grows to respect, admire and personally like. Sam reminds Shiro of both his father and his Grandpa in his kind manner and unfaltering faith in him, although Shiro has to admit he’s a lot smarter than either of them were. Perhaps Sam senses the orphan in him as a father himself, or perhaps there are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, but as time passes, their rapport grows better and better, their relationship closer and closer. It doesn’t take long for Shiro to start trusting Sam with his very life.

Shiro records all of this, everything he can think of to think and feel about and through the mission, in his video messages to Adam and Keith. He also makes personal notes about everything for himself just so he’ll never forget why he chooses to keep doing this, why this is his life’s very purpose. Doing that helps him even now, when he sometimes misses the two pieces of his heart so desperately he can barely breathe. Telling them all about what he sees and experiences, even if he knows it’ll be a while before his messages reach them and even longer before their replies reach him, helps him keep going.

Shiro finds himself counting the time by the way it passes between each of their messages. Adam telling him about the final exams of his students at the Garrison, Keith complaining about the boring summer months and how he wishes he could at least get a summer job to pass the time as his bruises slowly start to fade from his face, Adam recalling the trip he takes to visit his family, Keith showing up in his Garrison uniform on the video for the very first time.

It’s the very next day after that particular message reaches Shiro that the Penelope finally lands on Ganymede, and Shiro has thus finished the first half of his task. Now it’s up to the researchers to do their job.

After his first breathtaking steps out onto the moon and making sure everything is in order, Shiro returns to his quarters with his communicator close, and turns on the camera to record his next message.

“Hey, Keith,” he says, giving the camera a smile. “Congratulations on starting your semester at the Garrison! I hope you’re doing well. The first weeks will be rather tedious, I know, but try to be patient. Remember what you’re doing all of it for and you’ll be okay. That’s what I still do, and it really does help, believe me.”

Shiro licks his lips. “We landed on Ganymede today. I just got back from taking my first steps on its surface. We’ll be staying for a few days before we continue onto the next moon. It feels both incredible and strangely anticlimactic to have finally made it here, to have touched this moon with the soles of my feet. There was no big hurrah when we finally made it, just a few congratulations and cheers. I wasn’t really expecting anything more from the others, but I guess I just expected  _ I’d _ feel more. This has been my dream for so long, and yet…”

He sighs. “Maybe it just hasn’t sunk in yet. Maybe it will once some time passes and I can help out a little bit more, but…”

Shiro takes in a deep shaking breath. “I really miss you, Keith. Whenever I’m having a hard time, it’s the thought of you and Adam that keeps me going. I’m happy to be here, but I also can’t wait to get home again. Until then though, keep doing your best at the Garrison. I know you’ll be great and blow everyone away. Maybe try to make some friends too? You can’t live your life alone, Keith. There are better people out there than you know.”

Shiro gives the camera one last smile. “I’ll be back before you know it. Until then, stay focused and think of me when you feel alone. I’m always with you, even when we’re far apart. I care about you a lot, Keith. I’ll have so much to tell you once I return. Until then, keep taking care of yourself.”

He turns off the camera.

…

Once he gets settled into being on an actual location, Shiro slowly begins to find it easier to mark the pass of time. He makes himself useful where he can, which turns out to be on quite a lot of things and places even if he’s not quite the science expert the rest of the crew are. He enjoys it, enjoys working with Sam, enjoys having something to do for the advancement of humankind and space travel. Enjoys realizing his dreams, as they finally begin to solidify and feel real in his mindscape.

“My son Matt wants to prove the existence of aliens,” Sam tells him one day as they’re putting away samples, a wistful smile on his lips. “Not that I don’t also think that wouldn’t be incredible.”

“Is that why you do these missions?” Shiro asks. “To prove there is in fact extraterrestrial life?”

“That’s a big part of it, yes,” Sam admits. “But I’m also a curious mind in general. That’s why I became a scientist in the first place. I want to discover things, to see things no one has ever seen or done before.” He smiles slyly. “The aliens are just a part of it.”

Shiro smiles back. “Me too. That’s why I wanted to become a pilot.”

More time passes. Shiro flies the Penelope through all the big moons of Jupiter to collect samples. He never quite stops feeling awed by the fact he’s actually doing this, that he gets to experience this and see everything so up close.

Still, it comes as a bit of a relief when it’s finally the time for the Penelope to set course for home. He really has missed Earth. Shiro may be an explorer and a discoverer at heart, and space will always own a part of him, but Earth is still home. It still holds the people and places Shiro cherishes the most in the universe. He may travel far and wide, but as long as the two pieces of his heart are back on Earth, so will Shiro long to return there.

The journey back is not as easy as the way to Jupiter was. Everyone in the crew feels more on edge, Shiro not being the only one eager to return and tired of being cooped up in small spaces and not being able to walk outside without space suits or pressure and heat preparation. Mistakes happen, things go wrong. Thankfully, Shiro has been trained for that as well and after some moments of fear and mishap, he manages to make things right again by his command.

Right up until the point the ship begins entering Earth’s atmosphere.

The landing back on Earth has always been the hardest part of Shiro’s job, and the most perilous. With gravity starting to return, his senses going haywire, his muscles stiffening as a result, the whole procedure is agony. Shiro’s whole body feels like it’s killing him, burning him up from the inside more and more the closer he gets to Earth. He feels like he’s being stabbed by tiny needles all over his body, each of his muscles and bones on fire. He grits his teeth through the pain, sweats beneath his space suit, shakes off his tears, takes more deep breaths than he ever has…and finally manages to land, soft and safe on Earth’s surface.

Shiro barely has time to hear Sam cheer or feel him clapping him on the shoulder before everything around him goes black, and he falls loose from the tension in his body.

…

Shiro has no way of knowing how much time passes. He wakes up in patches to white walls, to the familiar gleam of glasses, to an orange uniform. Most of all, he just wakes up to excruciating pain and dizziness, falling asleep quickly once more just so he doesn’t have to feel it anymore. He can’t tell what is real and what is just a dream. All he knows for certain is the pain. The familiarity of it is too real to be a dream.

Finally, one day, when Shiro opens his eyes again, he finds himself still slightly disoriented and aching, but not in agony as he has been every other time he’s been even slightly conscious. It’s enough for him to recognize the white walls of the room and the bare sheets in the bed he’s lying in as the hospital ward of the Garrison. It’s familiar to him from all the time he’s spent in it, and it never fails to be eerie and unpleasant in the way it smells unnaturally clean.

Shiro’s not sure what makes him turn a little on his side right then. Perhaps he can feel the eyes burning into his face. Perhaps he wants to summon a nurse to let the staff know he’s awake and coherent. Perhaps he just wants to look at anything except the bare white walls. But turn he does, and is rewarded for his efforts by coming face-to-face with Keith. Keith, in his orange Garrison uniform, sitting in a chair by his bedside.

“Hey,” Shiro murmurs, and immediately winces at the croaky sound of his own voice. His throat feels like it’s on fire, with how dry it is.

“Hey,” Keith says, his tone strangely neutral. He’s gotten a bit bigger in the time Shiro was gone. He’s still small and skinny for his age, but his baby cheeks have become slightly sharper and he’s gained a little bit of height from what Shiro can see. His violet eyes are soft and tender as they look at Shiro, and his dark hair looks a bit longer. The expression doesn’t last long though, before his brows furrow and his eyes darken in perceived anger. “I should go get the doctor.”

“No, wait, Keith,” Shiro says, even if he knows he should probably drink something before he talks more. But he can’t wait. Not when Keith’s right there after all this time, and he’s clearly upset about something. “How long have I been here? What happened?”

“Two weeks,” Keith answers curtly. “You passed out right after the Penelope reached Earth. They said the landing took a toll on your body. They’ve been drugging you to get you through the worst of it, but you’ll have to do some physical therapy to properly get back on your feet.”

Shiro nods, somewhat absentmindedly. He still feels a bit woozy, and his head is swimming, likely due to the drugs. But he can do this. He already knows he can; he’s done it before. It’s just more of the same that he already knows. He’ll discuss it with Dr. Sherman further later.

For now, there are more pressing matters to take care of. Like the chopped way Keith keeps talking to him. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

The words seem to be enough to break the wall of protective anger for Keith to hide behind because Keith’s face grows flushed all the way up to his eyes that begin to gleam suspiciously in the overhead lights of the room, his teeth bitten together hard and his brows furrowed in a way Shiro’s never seen before. He’s seen Keith angry and frustrated and even embarrassed and ashamed…but never like this. Never in the way he looks so humiliated right now.

“If you weren’t bedridden right now,” Keith growls at the back of his throat, clearly hanging by a thread not to start crying. “I’d yell at you.”

It hits Shiro then. But he’s still so weary he can only barely blink in response. “They told you.”

“Do you know how awful it was?” Keith hisses through his teeth. “They told me you needed to be taken to the hospital right away when you landed. I had no idea what was going on! And then Adam…” he trails off, biting down hard on his lip, his face still flushed deep red as he fights his angry tears. “Where you ever going to tell me?”

“Yes, Keith. Of course I was,” Shiro says with as much conviction as he can summon up. He gathers all his strength and reaches out a hand, hoping it might help convince Keith better. To his joy, Keith takes a hold of it with his own hand. Not all is lost then. “I’m sorry I didn’t. And I’m sorry you were so afraid. I didn’t expect it to be this bad.”

Keith’s silent for a while, chewing on his lip, likely trying his hardest to compose himself, before he whispers, “Why didn’t you? Tell me?”

Shiro sighs, laying back against his pillows, still holding Keith’s hand. “I didn’t want you to treat me differently. Everyone always does, even if they say they won’t, when they find out I have ALS. I just become a sick person to them when they find out. I’m nothing but a dead man walking to them anymore. And I just…” he swallows. “It’s been so easy to be with you and not have to worry about you treating me like that. I just wasn’t ready to let that go yet.”

Keith stays silent for another few moments. But slowly, his expressions begins to soften in stages, his face losing its flush and tension, until he finally lets out a trembling sigh.

“Okay,” he says. His voice is steady, but small. “I get that. People suck. I’m not happy about it, but I get it.”

“It’s okay if you’re mad at me,” Shiro says softly. “I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

There’s a moment’s silence. Shiro’s eyelids begin to feel heavy again, but he forces himself to stay awake. He can’t fall asleep in the middle of a conversation like this. Not when Keith is already so hurt.

“Can I ask…how long do you have?” Keith murmurs after a moment. “Adam and the doctors said some things but…”

Shiro sighs. “I’ll only be able to maintain my peak condition for a few more years. Maybe five,” he says, soft but even. It’s something he’s had to come to terms with; something he can now say with relative ease when he’s asked. “After that, my body will slowly start deteriorating. Modern medicine has done wonders to advance the life span and condition of people who have ALS, but…”

Keith squeezes his hand, and when Shiro turns to look at him again, his expression is small and pained, his eyes gleaming again. Shiro wonders what he’s thinking about. He knows Keith feels like always being left behind. Now he knows that even this relationship will leave him on his own eventually, even if it’s not through Shiro’s own will. He wonders if Keith feels betrayed or disappointed, tied as he is to Shiro through their soulbond, doomed to merely watch him wither and die.

“We’ll just have to make the most of it,” Keith says, making Shiro jump. That wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. “Whatever you need, I’m here, okay?”

Shiro is unable to do anything except blink rapidly a few times and stare at Keith helplessly. “…Okay.”

Keith smiles at him a little, a sad tinge at the corner of his mouth as he does, before he releases Shiro’s hand. “I really should let someone know you’re awake now.”

“Okay,” Shiro says again, unable to make himself say anything else as he watches Keith go on his way out of his hospital room.

…

Unfortunately, talking to Adam when he shows up is not nearly as painless as talking to Keith was.

“See, this is why I told you not to go!” he cries. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? I thought you were going to die, Takashi! I’ve barely been sleeping at all since you got back, worrying I might wake up to a call that something has gone wrong!”

All Shiro can do is stare at the ceiling and say, “I’m sorry.” He knows it’s best to just let Adam rant it out when he gets like this. But it doesn’t mean his words don’t hurt as much as his muscles did when he did that landing.

It helps a little that the doctors are fairly positive on his condition though. With enough rest and physical therapy, they expect Shiro to recover to his former strength in time, though he might need to take it a bit easier for a while.

Keith comes to visit Shiro every day in his room at the hospital wing after his classes, and he’s a most welcome distraction. He seems to have taken Shiro’s words to heart, because from what Shiro can tell, Keith doesn’t treat Shiro any differently from before. Honestly, he barely mentions Shiro’s ALS or the fact they’re only meeting in his hospital room at all. Instead, he talks to Shiro about his classes, about the start of the semester at the Garrison, about everything Shiro has missed while he was away. He makes Shiro laugh, brings him sweets from the vending machines to cheer him up, and always says, “I should go do my homework anyway,” rather than, “I should let you rest,” when Shiro can’t keep his eyes open a second longer.

It all touches Shiro deeper than he could ever express. Keith’s friendship is like a warm heating pad on his whole body. It makes the pain of Shro’s muscles, his frustration over being stuck in bed and in this room with the bare white walls, away from his home, ache just a little bit less. Keith seems to fill the room to the brim with his voice and bright eyes as he tells Shiro about the flight sims, about the astronomy classes and the Garrison gym, painting it with colors it otherwise lacks.

Keith’s presence is an especially big relief in the face of how little time Adam has to come for a visit. He apparently put off doing a lot of his work and duties while Shiro was comatose and now has to make up for it, and therefore can’t afford to visit as much as Shiro would really like.

Shiro tries not to dwell on it though. He has Keith, whom he has missed so much, and whom he can finally share everything he remembers from his journey to the stars with. Shiro talks about everything he saw and experienced each day until his voice grows hoarse and his eyelids grow heavy, and Keith listens with rapt attention and shining eyes, asking all the right questions to keep Shiro talking. He laughs when Shiro jokes and his mouth gapes when Shiro recalls his tightest escapes. He’s a great audience, and in his eyes Shiro finally sees reflected why he did this again, and why even now, despite the consequences and the pain, he doesn’t regret it.

“I can’t wait until I can actually fly,” Keith sighs wistfully one day. “Sims were cool to start with but they’re getting kinda boring now. The instructors don’t really let us do anything in them.”

“I know,” Shiro says, giving him a sympathetic smile from where he’s lying half-propped up on his bed; not quite sitting and not quite lying down. “It was the same for me at the beginning, like I mentioned. But it’s important to learn the basics first. They create the foundation for the more advanced skills to follow, after all. You’ll get to the stars, Keith. You don’t have to rush so much, especially when you’re still so young. You have the time.”

Keith bites his lip, and Shiro can tell by the dark hues taking over his eyes that they’re both thinking of the same thing. Keith is not on a deadline like Shiro is, not in a rush like he is. He has many years left in him to fly his dreams out.

Shiro doesn’t let the topic or the silence linger much longer. He doesn’t want Keith to think about his inevitable mortality more than he himself wants to think about it right now. He’s scared Keith enough already.

“How about your classmates? Are you getting along with them?” Shiro asks instead.

Keith’s cheeks turn pink at that, his eyes glowing with shame as he turns his gaze away and chews on his lip even harder. It’s all the answer Shiro needs, and it feels like a punch to the gut. Shiro’s deepest hope had been that Keith wouldn’t repeat Shiro’s path of loneliness in the Garrison and would actually find his own people there. It breaks Shiro’s heart to know he hasn’t, that the rest of the world still hasn’t learned to see what a great friend Keith is, and get to know him properly before judging him for his past or by mere appearances.

“I’m not fighting with anyone, I swear,” Keith forces out, though he still refuses to meet Shiro’s eyes.

“Keith, that’s not why I asked,” Shiro says gently, reaching out his hand for Keith. Keith glances at it momentarily, before withdrawing his eyes again. But he reaches out to take Shiro’s hand and hold it in his, the way he always does now when Shiro offers it to him. “I just want to know what’s going on.”

Keith’s eyes gleam in the lights and his cheeks turn a darker red as he contemplates his words silently.

“James is here,” he eventually murmurs, his expression closed off and grim, eyes still cast to the side. “I guess I should’ve expected he’d be. He’s worked all his life to get here and all. And…he’s just a lot better with people than me.”

Shiro squeezes Keith’s hand in sympathy, letting out a small sigh. He, too, had forgotten to take into account that Keith’s past might follow him to the Garrison in a very real humane form. Even with Keith’s few words on the matter, it’s easy to form an idea what Keith’s relationship with his peer quickly turned into by the way of James Griffin.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro says softly. “I really hoped things would be different for you here.”

That’s when Keith finally turns to face him, his head moving to his direction so fast that Shiro’s worried he might give himself whiplash, his eyes blazing.

“They are!” Keith cries. “I told you, I’m not fighting with anyone. I’m doing well in my classes. I’m getting somewhere in my life. Don’t…” his cheeks redden again, and he averts his eyes a little, looking almost shy all of a sudden. “Don’t ever think you didn’t make a difference for me, Shiro. You…” he swallows, before seeming to force himself to look at Shiro, his eyes now shining like galaxies. “You gave me  _ everything _ .”

“I just don’t want you to be alone, Keith,” Shiro admits softly, squeezing his hand again. “I…you know now that I won’t be around forever. I won’t always be able to be here for you, to be your friend.”

It’s the first time either one of them has brought up Shiro’s ALS since that day when he woke up.

“I know,” Keith whispers, voice pained and quiet. He holds Shiro’s hand tight. But it seems he has nothing else to say on the topic of making friends. Nothing to say in his own defense.

“Don’t give up on people, Keith,” Shiro says gently. “They might surprise you if you gave them a chance.”

“Even so,” Keith allows. “They could never replace you.”

“They don’t have to,” Shiro says. “No one can ever replace my parents or Grandpa. And I doubt anyone can replace your father either. But that doesn’t mean connections aren’t worth making. We humans are a social species, Keith. It won’t do you any good to spend your life alone.”

“It’s just…” Keith starts, pausing to lick his lips and consider his words. “I just feel like there’s a joke the whole world is in on except me. I always feel like I’m missing something or not getting something. And then I’m the one who ends up being the joke.”

“More people feel that way than you think,” Shiro says, giving him a small smile of encouragement. “Isn’t there anyone you like in your classes? Anyone at all you could see yourself getting along with?”

Keith bites his lip again, pausing to ponder for a moment. “There’s one guy in my engineering class I guess. We’ve done pair work a few times. But he’s already got a friend and I don’t think his friend likes me much.”

“Then try to hang out with this guy when his friend is not around, like in your engineering class. Let him form his own opinions on you outside of whatever his friend might think.” Shiro squeezes Keith’s hand. “Can’t hurt right?”

“…Okay. For you, I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask,” Shiro says gently. “You’re a great friend, Keith, and an amazing guy. Everyone should be allowed to see that.”

Keith blushes up to his ears.

…

The days pass, and with them Shiro starts needing less and less drugs as his pain begins to pass. Thus, his state of alertness slowly begins to return to him, and he grows well enough to start out with his physical therapy and doing general movements in his hospital room. It’s all familiar to him by now, even if the normal added dizziness from being within Earth’s gravity certainly doesn’t make the process lighter or easier. But he still manages well enough that he’s discharged from the medical wing to live back in his and Adam’s apartment after about a week since he’d first woken up coherent.

“Are you really sure this is a good idea doctor?” Adam asks as Dr. Sherman writes Shiro his discharge papers and prescriptions and Shiro sluggishly tries to get ready to be out of bed and on his way out. The world is still spinning around him and his arm throbs at his side, but he’s glad to be leaving this bleak room for his own bed and apartment. He’s been gone for so long. All he wants now is just to be home.

He just wishes Adam would understand that as well.

“Isn’t it a bit soon for Takashi to be leaving the medical ward?” Adam continues. “What if he starts getting worse? We don’t have much information about the long-term effects of his collapse, do we?”

“At this point, the medical ward can do little for Shiro aside from physical therapy,” Dr. Sherman says, not even looking up from her writing. “I believe it’ll help his healing process quite a bit to get to be somewhere familiar, surrounded by people who care about him.” She looks up, directing her gaze towards Shiro. “Or what do you think, Shiro?”

Shiro swallows. “I really just want to be home,” he says. He doesn’t want to say it to her face, but he’s seen enough of hospital rooms in his lifetime, and he knows this likely won’t be the last time he’ll have to be in one. He’d rather be anywhere else as often as he can, while he still can.

“But there’s only so many days I can take off,” Adam insists, his tone starting to take a petulant tone that is beginning to grate on Shiro’s ears. For all Adam tries to act like a mature teacher most of the time, sometimes he can really sound like a brat who is irritatingly certain he’s right. Shiro doesn’t think he’s ever heard Keith sound so childish, even when he actually has the excuse of his younger age. “There won’t be anyone around to take care of Takashi.”

“I can take care of myself just fine, Adam,” Shiro snaps, finishing putting on a sweater over his pajamas. “I might be sluggish right now, but I’m hardly immobile anymore.”

“You need to rest,” Adam insists, beginning to sound exasperated. Shiro bites his teeth together to keep from retorting. His arm hurts, his head hurts, and he just wants to get out of here. And now it seems like the one he hoped would welcome his return the most doesn’t even want him home.

“Actually, it’s best for all parties if Shiro tries to get back to normal routines and doing stuff for himself as soon as possible,” Dr. Sherman interrupts, seemingly finished with her scribbles as she hands over her prescriptions for Shiro. “Naturally, he mustn’t overexert himself and needs to know his limits, but in order for him to adjust back to Earth’s gravity and atmosphere, he does need to actually  _ live  _ in it, as closely to as how he otherwise would. Physical therapy alone can only do so much, after all.” She gives Shiro a tight smile. “Besides, I’m quite certain Shiro can tell by himself when he’s struggling and needs some extra help. I’m sure your classes can spare you  _ that  _ much occasionally, Lieutenant Williams.”

Adam’s cheeks turn an angry shade of red as he bites his lip. Shiro tries not to smile too obviously. There’s a reason he chose Dr. Sherman of all the doctors at the Garrison to be his personal physician here.

“Besides,” Shiro says, slowly getting to his feet, leaning on the cane the medical wing has provided for him for support with his left hand. “Keith promised to come check up on me between classes and come do his homework in our apartment. If I really need help, he’ll be around from the afternoon onwards at least.”

Adam’s cheeks turn even a darker, angrier shade of red, taking on an almost purplish hue. He opens his mouth a few times, but always closes it right after, as if musing on his words, or being unable to get them out.

“That boy,” he finally forces out, sounding almost like every word uttered causes him pain, “is not a sufficient caretaker. He has no idea what he’s getting into, or what you need, Takashi. He’s just a kid. He didn’t even know you were sick!”

A flare of anger heats up in Shiro’s belly, and he bites his teeth together to try and keep from screaming.

“He’s been here for me more in the past days than you have been,” he hisses silently. “He’s a great friend. I think he knows quite well what I need, actually.”

The hue of purple on Adam’s face seems to darken even further as he gnashes his teeth in repressed anger, his brows furrowed in a deep frown of anger.

“Let’s go,” Shiro says before Adam has a chance to retort, taking his first steps to freedom.

He’s been gone long enough. He’s not going to buckle on this. He’s going home, with or without Adam’s approval.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me @ myself while writing this: Dump his ass Shiro!


	4. Chapter 4

Although at first he’s just relieved to be back home in his own personal space once more, it only takes a few days for Shiro to start to wonder if staying at that hospital room would’ve been better after all. Although his condition begins to improve and he starts feeling better and like he can move with more ease each day, actually finally spending time with Adam makes Shiro almost miss the days when he barely visited him in his room at the hospital ward. Adam fusses and worries around him constantly and seems to flinch every time Shiro so much as goes to the bathroom on his own in his presence.

They don’t talk all that much about anything aside from how Shiro’s been feeling each day, about how his physical therapy is going, what his doctors are saying about his recovery process. It starts feeling almost like Adam is keeping some sort of score on Shiro’s condition, making mental notes of how he’s feeling each day and at what pace he’s improving. Knowing Adam, he probably is, and the mere thought grates on Shiro even more than how much Adam wants to talk about him being sick. Being reminded of his pain makes it only that much harder to forget about it in Adam’s presence.

The only other thing besides how Shiro is feeling that Adam wants to talk about are how his days have gone and how much he worries for Shiro while he’s away from him, teaching his classes. He never even brings up Shiro’s journey to space. It makes Shiro’s chest ache with how much he misses the talks he had with Keith in his hospital room about all his adventures.

It all honestly makes Shiro miss Keith in general. Despite his promise to visit, Keith hasn’t been coming around so far. Adam theorizes he’s probably busy with his classes or possibly a new friend he seems to have made that Adam has seen him have lunch with or working on their homework together at the library.

Shiro’s happy Keith’s finally getting along with at least one of his peers. After all, he’s the one who encouraged Keith to reach out to more people, at least to try it. He just never expected Keith making a new friend would mean Shiro would not see him for weeks. That Shiro would be practically locked up for weeks. He hasn’t been outside the Garrison since he got back, only leaving the apartment to go to his physical therapy sessions and to see Dr. Sherman. He hasn’t talked to anyone but Adam and his doctors since he was discharged from the hospital ward. The apartment feels suffocating around him, like the walls are closing in on him and like he can’t breathe its stale air any longer. Shiro misses Keith. He misses flying. He misses  _ freedom _ .

Eventually, it culminates, as it was bound to. Shiro barely even thinks about what he’s doing before it’s already happening. One moment he’s sitting on the couch in his and Adam’s apartment, and the next he’s standing up on his now-steady legs and grabbing a jacket on his way out the door. There is a meeting amongst the Garrison teachers and instructors today, and the classes have been let out early. Keith will be free, but Adam will not. And Shiro’s done with being cooped up and suffocating for it.

He knows Adam will be unhappy with what he’s about to do. It’ll probably end up causing a fight. But for once, Shiro doesn’t care. All he wants is to see his friend and to  _ live  _ again finally. He’s been good long enough, and he’s feeling well enough. He deserves this.

Shiro finds Keith at the library together with a robust boy dressed in a cadet uniform with dark brown skin and a long bandana tied around his forehead, quietly pouring over books and tablets together and whispering with their heads almost pressed together. The boy must be Keith’s new friend.

“Keith,” Shiro says before he can even think about his actions, joy and relief coursing through him like warm milk at the sight of his friend after so long.  

Keith sits up straighter immediately and turns around to look at Shiro over his shoulder. “Shiro?” he asks, purple eyes growing wide and his lips starting to spread into a smile as he practically jumps out of his chair to step over to him.

“Hey! It’s been a while,” he says, stopping almost abruptly when he reaches Shiro’s side. “What…what are you doing here?”

“I was just wondering,” Shiro starts, glancing over at Keith’s friend, who is watching everything between them unfolding with curious brown eyes over his own shoulder. As soon as Shiro’s eyes meet his though, he quickly turns around, cheeks glowing red, embarrassed at having been caught. “I know you have the afternoon off, so…I thought we could go have that hoverbike drive in the desert now.”

Keith blinks a few times, before his eyes begin to sparkle with excitement, fists clenched almost cautiously over his chest. “Really?”

Shiro smiles. “I did promise after all.”

Keith turns to his friend. “Do you mind?”

The boy smiles. “Go. Have fun. We’ll finish later.”

Keith smiles in return at him. “See you tomorrow?”

“You know it.”

Keith quickly gathers his stuff. He and Shiro stop by his dorm room for a bit so Keith can leave his things there and so he can change out of his uniform and into his casual clothes. It wouldn’t do to get his uniform dirty in the desert and Shiro also doesn’t want them to be tied to the Garrison too obviously if someone sees them out there. They’re not doing anything wrong, Shiro has a permission to sign out hoverbikes from the Garrison garage as an officer, but it’s still not the best idea to go for a joyride while being associated with a military organization.

“Your friend seems nice,” Shiro says as they’re making their way to the garage.

“His name is Hunk,” Keith says. “He’s really smart. He’s kinda blunt too, but I sorta like that.”

Shiro smiles. “How about that friend of his? Hunk  _ is _ that guy from your engineering class right?”

Keith sighs. “He reminds me of James,” he says. “But he’s a cargo pilot so we don’t see each other that much.”

Shiro nods. He can’t expect Keith to be friends with everyone. Especially if they remind him of James. He just has to hope him not getting along with Hunk’s other friend won’t cost Keith his new friendship.

…

The hoverbike race ends up being the most fun Shiro’s had since he got back from his voyage by far. He usually has to do this type of flying by himself because Adam hasn’t wanted to encourage his thrill-seeking behaviors by joining him and generally expresses that he disapproves if Shiro expresses he’s about to do something like this. It’s become yet another thing they don’t talk to each other about over the years, just so they can keep the peace between themselves.

Keith, however, seems to find the same kind of rush in driving a hoverbike at maximum speeds through the desert that Shiro does. It shouldn’t surprise him with how much they both clearly love flying and dream of the stars, but it does. Shiro doesn’t think he’s ever found anyone who has been his equal in their desire to do the impossible, to seek out freedom and other worlds beyond what the human mind can even imagine. Keith keeps up with Shiro through all the sharp turns and sudden drops, no obstacle too scary or strange for him. In fact, Shiro showing off only seems to make him all the more eager to keep up and show Shiro in turn what he’s made of. He shines in his open joy and skill, even more amazing than Shiro ever could’ve imagined, wind blowing through his growing dark hair as he flies. Shiro always knew Keith had the potential, but it’s even better to see it flourishing so wonderfully with his own two eyes.

Perhaps seeing Keith like this inspires Shiro a bit too much. Perhaps it’s that at this point he’s almost at a breaking point of desperation to do what he really wants to do after so long of not doing anything. Perhaps he just wants to show off a little. But the fact of the matter is that Shiro can’t resist peacocking just a little more than intended, finishing his and Keith’s race effectively by doing his best trick with the bike and diving off a cliff safe and sound.

By the time Keith gets to him through a longer but safer route, the sun is setting in the horizon, painting the desert and the skies above it in gorgeous shades of red, gold and orange.

Keith lets out an almost surprised laugh as he parks his bike not too far from Shiro, steps off it and takes off his goggles. “All right. You won this round, but I’ll get you in the next race, old timer.”

Shiro lets out a chuckle himself. “I don’t doubt it.”

“How’d you do that dive anyway?”

“You liked that one, huh?” Shiro had been hoping he might. “It’s all about timing. You pull up too soon and you have the momentum needed to create lift.” He demonstrates with his hand. “Too late and there won’t be enough lift to avoid the crash.”

“Do you think I’ll ever be able to do that?” Keith asks, his voice growing soft.

“I’ll teach it to you if you want,” Shiro says, smiling gently at him.

“…Maybe once I’ve mastered the basics. It’s like you said, I should be patient.”

Shiro smiles wider. “You’re learning.” He turns momentarily to look at the setting sun, admiring all the shades of it. He doesn’t often get the time to watch the movements of the day like this, so peaceful and unhurried. Being able to do it now after so long of not seeing it makes it feel like a very special luxury. “How are your classes going anyway? We haven’t really seen each other since I got out of the medical ward.”

“They’re fine,” Keith says. “How are you doing? Adam…Adam said some things when I asked, but he didn’t really elaborate.”

“I’m doing better each day,” Shiro says, even as his heart is beginning to beat a little faster in his chest. He doesn’t want to talk about this. He’s so sick of talking about this. “I wouldn’t have asked you out here if I wasn’t feeling well.”

“I know. I didn’t mean it like that,” Keith says. “You know your body better than I do. And it is  _ your _ body. You should be allowed to do what you want with it.”

Shiro turns to look at him sharply, eyes growing wide. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard those words from anyone else.

He didn’t even know how badly he wanted to until now. How badly he needed to.

Perhaps it’s finally hearing them that gives him the courage to ask, “Why didn’t you come see me? You said you would.”

Keith looks up, blinking a few times, his eyes wide and wild in confusion. “Adam said you needed to focus on getting better and…” he trails off, his brows suddenly furrowing in shame, rubbing his arm and averting his gaze.

A fire of anger bursts to life inside of Shiro. He has a feeling he knows. He doesn’t want to believe it, but he  _ knows _ . “And what, Keith?”

“…He said I shouldn’t bother you,” Keith murmurs, his eyes on the ground, hidden by his bangs, his shoulders slumped.

The sight of him like that, so small and vulnerable, is not enough to drive Shiro’s anger away. Honestly, it only serves as a reminder for his fury, the reason why he’s suddenly so filled with rage. But his anger does not lie with Keith, and right now, he needs to be the priority, when he clearly feels so awful.

“Keith,” Shiro says gently, moving to put an arm around his shoulders. “I was  _ fine _ . And I missed you. I could’ve used the company.”

“…I missed you too,” Keith murmurs. “I just didn’t want to bother you. I thought…even if you were better, that you might need some time alone with Adam.”

“Well, next time, ask me directly instead of wondering,” Shiro says, squeezing Keith’s shoulder. “I’ll have a talk with Adam too, when we get back.”

Keith seems to hesitate for a bit, tensing up beneath Shiro’s touch momentarily. His eyes are still locked somewhere to his side, the sun’s warm setting light shining in his hair and his glowing cheeks. Slowly, though, he begins to relax and even goes so far as to lean against Shiro softly, letting out a quiet breath of relief.

“It’s good to have you back, Shiro,” Keith murmurs into the fabric of Shiro’s jacket.

Shiro smiles. “It’s good to be back. Space was amazing, but…it’s good to be back.”

...

When Shiro gets back, he opens the door to the apartment only to be immediately greeted by the sight of Adam pacing in front of it by their entryway, his head down, shoulders hunched and brows furrowed. He’s almost radiating with emotion, with negativity, and before he can even look up at Shiro, Shiro knows that they’re not getting through this night without arguing. But for once, despite his head already starting to hurt, he doesn’t shy away from the prospect. Keith may have melted his anger away for a while, but the sight of Adam has brought it right back. All the frustrations of the past weeks, all the loneliness and the suffocation…they’re all Adam’s fault.

And this time, Shiro’s not going to just let him get away with it without consequences.

“Takashi!” Adam cries as he notices him, immediately rushing over to Shiro. “Where in the world were you? Do you have any idea how worried you made me?”

“Just spent some time with Keith,” Shiro says, trying to keep his head cool even as anger simmers inside of his guts like fire. Still, he delights in the startled mix of anger and alarm he sees on Adam’s paling face. “He told me what you said to him. That you told him to stay away from me.”

Adam gathers himself quickly with a few blinks, looking up at Shiro from below his brows, an unhappy twist in his lip. “So what? You needed time to heal. He would’ve just tired you out and lengthened your recovery process.”

“That wasn’t your call to make, Adam,” Shiro growls. “He’s my friend, not yours. I wanted to see him, and I was quite well enough to see him too.”

“That’s just it!” Adam cries, throwing up his hands. “It seems like ever since you got back, all you do with your time is hang out with that kid! He’s clearly a bad influence on you, getting you to sneak out behind my back like this and hogging all of your time!”

“I chose to go out on my own, Adam!” Shiro shouts. “ _ I  _ went to find Keith because I missed him! Because I missed actually talking to someone other than you or a doctor! You say I’m spending all my time with him, but maybe you should look in the mirror! You and I have barely talked since I got back!”

“Because I was by your bedside the entire time you were unconscious and had to get back to work!”

“No, Adam,” Shiro hisses, taking a pained breath to calm his words. “It’s not just that. You just won’t talk to me anymore. I just returned from the most important mission of my life, and you refuse to let me talk about it or share it with you at all!”

“That mission almost got you killed!” Adam cries.

“It’s my life, and my body,” Shiro grunts, Keith’s earlier words echoing in his ears. “I alone choose what I do with them.”

“And what is that, exactly?” Adam cries. “Go on extremely dangerous missions? Waste your time on some delinquent kid?”

“Don’t talk about Keith like that!” Shiro screams. “He’s been nothing but a good friend to me this entire time! The least you could do is respect that!”

“So that’s it then?” Adam says, turning to him with narrowed, angry eyes behind his glasses. “He’s more important to you than I am now?”

“It’s not a competition, Adam,” Shiro hisses. “You’re both important to me.”

“Oh, please, Takashi. Wake up already!” Adam snaps. “That kid looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars. This is not just some friendship to him!”

“That’s just because I believed in him and helped him when no one else would!” Shiro snaps back. “He’s my soulmate! Of course we’re going to have a special kind of relationship! But it doesn’t mean we’re doing something wrong!”

He pauses, averting his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek. Shiro takes a few deep breaths to try and calm down a little. His arm and head are starting to throb. “Why do you trust me so little?”

“I trust you,” Adam says, but Shiro has a hard time believing him. “I just don’t trust  _ him _ . And you have such a huge blind spot for that boy that you don’t see what he’s doing!” There’s another pause. “I want you to stop seeing him.”

“What?” Shiro gasps, turning to Adam, who is now the one not looking at him. “Adam, I can’t do that! I told you that right at the beginning!”

“Haven’t you done enough for him already?” Adam demands. “He’s in the Garrison. He has all the tools he could need to make it. He’s even making friends now. If he’s really as good as you say he is, he’ll be fine. He doesn’t need you to hold his hand anymore, Takashi!”

“It’s not just about that anymore!” Shiro argues. “We’re friends! I can’t just leave him!”

“He has other friends now. He can make more as well.”

“Well, maybe  _ I  _ can’t,” Shiro snaps, and turns back towards the door, getting ready to leave. He’s not sure where he’ll go, but he knows he can’t stay here any longer. The walls feel like they’re closing in on him again. He can’t stand this place. Can’t stand to be around Adam. “And you can’t tell me who I can and can’t see or be friends with.”

“Takashi, please!” Adam cries. “Can’t you see what this is doing to us? He’s pulling us apart! We don’t know how much time you might have, so why must you waste it on him?”

Shiro squeezes his fists shut tight at his sides, so deep that his nails cut painfully into his flesh. It’s the only way for him to keep in any way composed, to not lash out at Adam even further.

“No, Adam,” he says slowly, in a low voice. “Keith’s not the one pulling us apart.  _ You  _ are.”

Shiro doesn’t say anything more, just turns the handle on the door and heads out back into the corridor.

He sleeps in the teacher’s lounge that night, and wakes up with his muscles stiff and pained; an aching reminder of how he woke up that particular day at the hospital ward.

…

Early next morning as he eats his breakfast and sips his coffee in the Garrison cafeteria by himself, before the cadets have even rolled in from morning drills, Shiro thinks about his situation realistically in the light of the day. He still doesn’t want to go back to his and Adam’s apartment. He’s not ready for that yet, ready to be where Adam is, where everything reminds him of Adam and all that has been festering between them since he’s been back. The mere thought makes his stomach turn.

But Shiro also has limited options on where else to go. He can’t sleep in the teacher’s lounge for multiple nights in a row when he’s still recovering, not if he wants to keep getting better. He needs a proper bed for that, just for the bare minimum of not waking up with stiff muscles every morning. Keith can’t accommodate him in his room with his roommate either, and Shiro shouldn’t burden him with his and Adam’s relationship problems in the first place.

But who else does Shiro have to turn to?

The thought comes to him fast. There is really only one person he can call a close enough friend to expect him to help Shiro at a moment like this. But even the thought of it makes his face burn with shame. This sort of help is not exactly up par for what they’ve had so far. Honestly, it’s very much out of the left field, being a lot more personal, and the thought of asking him feels invasive and strange. It would likely be a huge imposition on the man and his family.

But as much as Shiro thinks about it, he can’t come up with a better alternative. Not if he doesn’t want the whole rest of the Garrison staff to be all up in his business if he were to request temporary quarters; it would be even more humiliating asking any of his other superiors for help on a matter like this, and Shiro’s not going back to that hospital bed if he can help it.

So, Shiro takes out his phone and dials, even with his heart beating in his throat and his breaths coming out short.

_ “Shiro, my boy,”  _ Sam Holt’s kind voice greets him on the other end after a few rings.  _ “I haven’t heard of you for a while. How have you been doing? I came to visit you when you were at the hospital ward but they would only let the next of kin into your room…” _

“I’m doing well, thank you for asking,” Shiro says. “But – and I hate to ask this of you, you don’t have to say yes – I think I need a favor…”

…

After merely getting out that Shiro had had a fight with his boyfriend and had nowhere to sleep, Sam had immediately insisted he come stay with him and his family at his house before Shiro even had the chance to ask.

After they hung up, Shiro had snuck into his and Adam’s apartment to pack a bag during a time he knew Adam would be out teaching his classes, and then busied himself for the rest of the day, mostly at the Garrison library. By the end of his workday, Sam comes to find him with a an auburn-haired boy in a cadet uniform and glasses.

“Hi!” the boy says, holding out his hand for Shiro to shake. “I’m Matt. I think we met briefly at the launch of the Penelope?”

“Oh, right,” Shiro says, taking a hold of Matt’s hand and shaking it. For such a scrawny guy, Matt has a surprisingly strong grip. “I’m Shiro.”

“Yeah, I know,” Matt grins, his smile all perfectly white teeth. “Come on, let’s get going so we’re not late for dinner.”

Over the car ride to the Holts’ house, Matt practically talks Shiro’s ear off on the latest research the science department of the Garrison, where Matt is studying and Sam is teaching, is working on. Them being in different departments is also why Shiro hasn’t really been able to see Matt at the Garrison before, although the boy is only a couple of years his junior. But as soon as the two of them get talking, none of that seems to matter. The conversation between them flows easy and light, Matt rambling and Shiro listening as attentively as he can, making a few comments of his own here and there.

Shiro has to admit this easy start is largely due to the fact that Matt just seems to be very natural with people, easy-going and excitable. When he gets talking about science and aliens and space, about how he wants to be the first person to discover extraterrestrial life, he kind of reminds Shiro of Keith at his brightest moments.

He notices Matt looking at the soul words on his hand, but appreciates he doesn’t ask. He might already know the situation between Shiro, Keith and Adam from his father, but Shiro’s still glad he doesn’t bring it up to him personally. He’s a bit too weary to get into all of that now. He would rather just keep on listening Matt ramble. Thankfully, Matt seems to realize that.

When they reach the Holts’ home, Matt gently introduces his younger sister Katie to Shiro, who seemed a bit more nervous than her brother around him. She can’t seem to quite bring herself to meet Shiro’s eyes even as she introduces him to their family dog, Bae Bae, but still holds his hand firmly as she shakes it. She and her brother have rather similar way of grasping hands.

Sam’s wife Colleen, though, doesn’t bother with a handshake. Once Katie has finished with her greeting, she goes over to Shiro in a few quick steps and wraps him in a sudden hug.

“Thank you so much for all you did to keep Sam safe,” she murmurs into his ear.

Shiro doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t remember when he’s last been hugged like this; almost like a son being cared for by a mother. At this angle, he can just barely see Colleen’s soul words peeking out from beneath the collar of her dress, the corresponding ones on her husband’s fingers. It all feels almost like a reminder of the family he could’ve had if the accident had never happened. Perhaps he would’ve been welcomed home by his own mother after a mission just like this.

Perhaps she feels his stiffness, but Colleen quickly lets go of him and instead gives him a kind smile. “Feel free to stay as long as you need. Make yourself at home.”

And Shiro, surprising himself more than anyone, does just that. And the day isn’t over before Shiro is convinced that the Holts are the strangest, smartest and warmest group of people he’s ever come across.

Katie keeps to herself from Shiro and generally seems a bit shy around him, but Shiro knows that despite her young age, she’s probably the smartest person he’s ever met. She and Matt talk about things that Shiro honestly has a hard time keeping up with. The two of them also clearly have a close bond, and it makes him a little jealous. Their whole family does, just a bit. Shiro can no longer remember much about his parents, but he feels like theirs was a family a lot like the Holts, once upon a time. Being in their home feels almost like a window to what Shiro could’ve had if not for the accident.

For the most part though, Shiro enjoys getting to be a part of that now, even if just for a while, rather than resenting it or them. The guest bed at the Holt residence is much more comfortable than the couches at the teacher’s lounge at the Garrison, he gets to eat a home-cooked meal every night, and after dinner he’s invited along to play games with the Holts, watch TV with them or just hang out.

As the days pass, Shiro spends most of his time with Matt. They talk a lot about the Garrison and about space, about discoveries and their dreams. It doesn’t take long for Shiro to tell him all about the situation with him, Keith and Adam either. Matt just has that sort of way about him that puts Shiro at ease. Shiro has never met anyone quite like him.

“Boy,” Matt whistles. “That’s gotta be rough. Sorry, man.”

Shiro sighs. “I’m just not sure what I should do at this point. I care about both of them, and I want to keep both of them in my life, but just…”

“Hey,” Matt cuts in gently. “I may not know that much about relationships, and I have yet to meet my soulmate, but I don’t think a relationship where someone thinks they can tell you what to do is a very good one.”

“…What do you think I should do?”

“I can’t tell you what to do,” Matt says gently. “Only you can decide that. But if Adam isn’t willing to at least make an effort to improve things, well…”

Shiro sighs. He knows. But despite how tense things have been, the thought of leaving Adam still makes his heart ache. They’ve been together for so long, been through so much. How can he let that go so easily?

And that’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it. With Adam, up until less than a year ago, everything seemed so simple. Of course there were the tiny annoyances of everyday life, such as the fact that Adam never washes his coffee cups after using them and the fact he sometimes treats Shiro as something more fragile than he actually is, but for the most part they’ve been happy together. They’ve always been able to talk to each other, they have shared interests and they communicate well with each other. And Adam has been kind and uncomplicated. He’s been a steady presence in Shiro’s life through all their shared years at the Garrison; a stable relationship Shiro was at one time sure would never be possible for him.

He and Adam have had something good, he’s sure of it. They’ve been committed to each other for a few years now. Shiro has even imagined Adam as the man he would one day marry multiple times. And he’s just not ready to let all of that go to waste. They could just be going through a rough patch. Maybe it can all still be salvaged.

“Hey,” Matt says. “You don’t have to decide right now. Stay here until you know, okay?”

Shiro manages a smile. “Thanks. I appreciate everything you guys are doing for me.”

“It’s no big deal.” Matt says, waving his hand dismissively. “Now, why don’t you tell me about that asteroid field again?”

…

A few weeks pass. On most days, Shiro goes to the Garrison with Sam and Matt, to attend his physical therapy or to run some errands and meet up with people. He’s starting to feel well enough that he wants to start taking up the position of a teacher’s assistant again, to nurture and mentor the cadets while he’s on Earth, and he and the teaching staff have begun to make plans for that. Shiro may never get to have children of his own, but he hopes some of the things he can instill in the Garrison cadets may carry his memory forward even after he’s gone. He’s never wanted his space missions to be his only legacy. Keith alone is a proof of that, but Shiro also knows Keith is not the only one in the world who needs a helping hand, especially when a lot of the cadets are away from their parents and living in a dorm for the first time.

(Keith will always be his favorite though.)

The days Shiro stays behind at the house, he tries to help out where he can. He may not be able to cook for the Holts, but he can clean so Colleen doesn’t have to, he can take Bae Bae out for his walks and get some of his daily exercise in at the same time, and he can go grocery shopping. Colleen may insist he doesn’t need to, that he should just sit back and be their guest, but Shiro honestly enjoys the work. She’s been so kind to him, almost like a mother, and he wants to help where he can. It helps him feel a little less like a burden and also prevents him from being constantly cooped up at the house.

Sometimes, when Sam has to stay back at the Garrison base for a project for a bit longer, Shiro stays too and hits the gym or spends some time with Keith. Keith’s doing well enough on his schoolwork at the Garrison, but he always seems to appreciate Shiro’s help when he can have it, so they take up the tutoring sessions again. Sometimes they just hang out, too, and on the weekends, Shiro takes him to the city with the hoverbikes.

He doesn’t talk to Adam. He barely thinks about him in the following weeks.

No one pushes Shiro into doing so either. Even the Holts that Shiro hasn’t personally confided in must know the reason why Shiro is staying with them in the first place, but they all seem to understand Shiro isn’t ready to go talk to Adam about it yet. Honestly, the only person he can even barely bear to talk to about it is Matt.

He doesn’t talk about it to Keith either. He’s never talked to Keith about his and Adam’s issues and it feels weird to try and start now, to try and explain everything to him in a way that wouldn’t hurt him. Shiro knows Keith after all, knows he’d likely try to blame himself for something that is not his fault. And for a while, Keith doesn’t bring it up either, even when all he knows is that Shiro is staying with the Holts because he and Adam had a fight.

But Keith’s also a smart boy. He has probably already figured it out, given the time frame of when Shiro started living at the Holt house. And although Keith is good at looking out for Shiro and his feelings, he’s also very straightforward.

Therefore, it doesn’t really surprise Shiro when one evening as the two of them are working on Keith’s physics homework, Keith says, “Are you ever planning on talking things out with Adam or are you just gonna avoid him forever?”

Shiro blinks. “Why are you asking me this all of a sudden?”

“Oh, come on, Shiro,” Keith groans, turning off his tablet and setting it on the table, brows furrowed in frustration as he turns to Shiro. “You’ve been avoiding him for weeks now. I know you haven’t seen him at any point that you’ve been at the Garrison, and you’re still living with the Holt family.”

He catches himself, as if realizing his angry tone, and takes a few calming breaths, closing his eyes momentarily.

“Look,” Keith says as he opens his eyes, looking slightly less irritated. “I know I’m not very good at relationships. You don’t have to take my advice if you don’t want to, it’s your life. But…don’t you think this limbo state has gone on too long?”

Shiro sighs, taking in a breath for himself. “It probably has,” he admits softly. “Honestly, I’m not even sure why I’ve been avoiding him for this long. But every time I think about talking to him…”

They’re quiet for a moment. Shiro lets the silence speak for itself, honestly unable to quite find the right words for what he wants to express. Keith just bites his lip, lowering his eyes. His expression seems uncharacteristically closed off and small, as if he, too, is unable to say what he wants.

Eventually, what he comes out with is, “Do you think you guys can fix it? Figure things out?” Keith’s voice comes out strangely quiet, his cheeks flushed and eyes hiding as he says it. He looks almost ashamed for his words, almost frightened by them.

It all makes Shiro blink. This is one of the strangest conversations he’s ever had with Keith, and that’s saying something. He takes in another deep breath, bracing himself, musing his words. Never lie to Keith, he reminds himself. Especially when he looks like that.

“I don’t know anymore,” Shiro says softly, sadly. “Things have been…difficult, since I got back.” He pauses. “Honestly, they’ve been difficult for a while now.”

Keith chews on his bottom lip, his eyes beginning to grow a bit dewy and dark from where they’re staring at the floor. And right then, Shiro knows what he’s going to say, what he wants to ask. He recognizes Keith’s guilty expression.

Even if he wishes more than anything Keith would never have to ask this particular question.

“Just tell me honestly,” Keith murmurs hoarsely after a moment. “Are you guys fighting because of me?”

Shiro swallows, closes his eyes and takes a deep, pained breath. “Adam and I are fighting because he’s controlling and jealous and doesn’t trust me on my word,” he says, trying his best to sound gentle through his frustration. “It’s got nothing to do with you, Keith.”

“Sounds like it does,” Keith says, his voice coming out more than a little bitter.

“Keith,” Shiro says, forcing himself to take on a calm, even tone even through the storm of emotions coursing through him. He reaches to put a hand on Keith’s shoulder, looking him straight in the eyes. “This is not on you. The problems Adam and I have go much deeper than him being jealous of you.”

“So he is jealous of me,” Keith huffs. He pauses to bite his lip again, his expression pained as he muses his words. “I don’t want to come between you two.”

“I know you don’t,” Shiro says gently, giving him a bit of a smile. How could Adam, how could anyone, believe anything different of Keith? “And I swear, this is not on you. This is between me and Adam. We have our issues, and deep down they have nothing to do with you, Keith. I promise you that.”

Keith bites his lip again, his gaze unfocused and his mind clearly somewhere far, far away. Waves seem to pass over the purple seas of his eyes, deep and perilous, before he finally whispers a soft, “Okay.”

Shiro smiles a bit wider. “You shouldn’t worry about me, Keith,” he says. “I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, I should,” Keith says, suddenly taking a hold of Shiro’s hand still on his shoulder, covering it with his own. “You’re my…my friend. And I want you to be happy.” He averts his eyes, his cheeks turning a darker shade of red. “I…I don’t know if Adam makes you happy or not. But I hope you know, and I hope he does. I…” he swallows. “I just want you to be happy.”

Shiro feels his stomach flooding with warmth, his expression softening.

“Thanks, Keith,” he says, soft with sincerity. “I’ll talk to Adam, I promise. No matter what…I should do at least that much. I should fight for us.” He takes in a breath. “I’m not ready to let him go yet.”

“Then you should talk to him,” Keith says, and it comes out in a strange rush, almost like he’s forcing himself to say it. But how can that be the case? “You should go right away.”

Shiro blinks. “Right away?”

“If you make up, you could go home tonight,” Keith says. “No time like the present, right?”

And, much as he tries, Shiro can’t argue with that.

…

Adam is home when Shiro takes his first hesitant steps back inside their apartment, grading papers on their couch. It’s such a familiar sight to Shiro after all these years, so safe and inviting, that he finds his breath catching a little. As Adam turns to look at him and their eyes meet, Shiro finally feels the distance between the two of them in the past weeks hitting him like a meteor. They’ve been apart for so long in one way or another. Things have been so tense between them. And it had all led to Shiro forgetting how much he loves his boyfriend, how much he wants to be with him. Right up until this moment.

“Takashi,” Adam says softly, a small smile growing on his lips as he stands up from the couch and starts making his way over to Shiro by the door. He looks softer and gentler than Shiro has seen him at any point since he’s been back from his mission. It makes his heart throb. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long,” Shiro says, and reaches out to take a hold of Adam’s hand. Adam lets him, and holds Shiro’s hand in return. “I just needed some time to think.”

“I think we both did,” Adam says softly, his eyes big and glowing and sad. “I’m sorry, Takashi. I’m sorry about everything.” He leans forward, pressing their foreheads together. “I don’t want to lose what we have. I don’t want to lose you.”

Shiro smiles a little, his heart growing warm with affection. “I don’t wanna lose you either.”

Adam gently pulls him by the hand and Shiro lets himself be led over to sit on their couch, their hands still joined on their laps and their knees touching softly. Shiro can’t help but be reminded of the many previous occasions that they’ve sat just like this, from the first months since they met when they were still edging that delicate line between friendship and dating. Sitting close together in this manner has always been something distinctly theirs, joined together by the little touches of their bodies on each other. It makes his heart thump in his chest, flooding his being with emotion and affection for Adam.

“I really am sorry about the way I’ve been acting, Takashi,” Adam says softly, his expression open and vulnerable, almost pleading, as he looks at Shiro. “I was just so afraid for you. I really thought I might lose you for a while there.”

“I know,” Shiro murmurs. “I’m sorry you had to be so afraid. But you can’t act like you have the right to make decisions for me. This is my life to live. You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do or who I can and can’t see.”

“I know,” Adam says. “But I also don’t want to feel like your second choice, and lately it feels like that’s all that I am. To space, to Keith, to everything.”

“You’re not. You never have been,” Shiro says emphatically, squeezing Adam’s hand. “If you were my second choice, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“And I’m glad you are,” Adam says, giving him a small smile. “But I think we can both agree that things are going to have to change from now on if we still want to stay together.”

Shiro bites his lip for a bit, before closing his eyes and steeling himself. He lets out a soft sigh. “You’re right.” He pauses. “But that means you as well.”

Adam’s cheeks turn a bit flushed at that, his brows furrowing and his lip curling downwards. For a moment, Shiro thinks he’s going to argue, and immediately starts planning for a counter-argument in his mind. But all Adam says is, “Fine,” followed by, “I’ll try to be more understanding if you try to be more attentive.”

“Fine,” Shiro says. “But I am still going to be friends with Keith and spend time with him occasionally.”

“That’s fine,” Adam says. “You can be friends. I just don’t want you to lose sight of what really matters.”

“I won’t,” Shiro says, and as if to prove that, moves his face closer to Adam’s. Adam doesn’t move away, and instead welcomes Shiro’s kiss, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to bring him in closer.

Shiro smooths himself into Adam’s space, sighing softly into his mouth. He’s missed this type of gentle and easy intimacy between the two of them, missed it all those months he was in space and missed it while he’s been on Earth and Adam hasn’t been by his side.

Before Shiro can manage to put his tongue in Adam’s mouth, Adam softly moves his hand to cradle the side of his neck, caressing his jawline with his thumb and pushing Shiro gently away at the same time.

“Let’s not get carried away, Takashi,” Adam says kindly, his cheeks and lips flushed in a way that makes Shiro’s stomach bottom out.

“Why not?” he asks. “It’s been months, Adam. Didn’t you miss me?”

“Of course I did,” Adam says, moving to peck his lips as a sign of reassurance. “But you’re still recovering.”

“I’m doing fine,” Shiro huffs. “I’ve even been hitting the gym and running. Dr. Sherman says it’s been very beneficial for my recovery; physical activity has always been a good way for me to stimulate my muscles. You heard what she said: I should try to keep on doing things as normally as possible.”

“I’ve never liked her much,” Adam says, rolling his eyes. “And I’m sorry, Takashi, but I’m just not comfortable with this right now. Not until you finish physical therapy at least.”

Shiro swallows. “Fine,” he says, moving to put a bit more distance between the two of them. “Movie, then bed?”

Adam gives him another kiss. “Sounds wonderful.”

…

After that, with Shiro and Adam’s fight finally ironed out, things settle down for a while. Shiro moves back to his and Adam’s apartment, he keeps going to his physical therapy sessions and occasionally spends time with Keith. He gets a class to work as a TA for, does various things around the Garrison to help out, and keeps hitting the gym to regain his strength. He and Adam find new ways to coexist in peaceful and even loving ways. Shiro hates himself for even thinking about it, but he can’t help the fact that that likely has something to do with the fact that Adam was right: Keith isn’t so dependent on him as he was before he got to the Garrison.

Shiro and Keith still spend time together and manage to be friends, but now, more often than not, when Keith talks about his days, he has a story or two to share about his friend Hunk. It seems they’ve started to hang out together a little more, and Shiro also sees them together now more often than apart even in passing. Sometimes, Keith doesn’t even need Shiro to tutor him on certain things because Hunk has already helped him with them. He and Hunk sometimes apparently even hang out with Hunk’s other friend who also turns out to be his roommate, and it seems like he and Keith are on their way to, if not quite friendship, then at least diplomatic coexistence.

Shiro’s happy for Keith, and proud of him. He’s doing well in all his classes and he hasn’t been getting into any fights, but what’s more, the almost permanent cloud of general unhappiness and overwhelming loneliness that always seemed to hang around him is slowly starting to disappear completely. Keith still doesn’t smile particularly big, but Shiro can see the shift in his eyes and the way he carries himself; it’s as though some sort of huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He has grown a little more during the rest of Shiro’s recovery, and his shoulders are beginning to fill out. There’s color on his cheeks and determination in his step.

It makes a part of Shiro want to ask Hunk to keep doing whatever he’s doing with Keith, but he knows that would be inappropriate. Hunk is a cadet after all, and by what Keith tells him, although he’s brilliant, he’s also a bit of a nervous sort. Shiro talking to him in the Garrison where he holds the position of a superior officer would likely rattle the poor boy. And besides, he’s Keith’s friend, not Shiro’s, and Shiro needs to be able to let Keith go a little and make his own decisions. He shouldn’t make it his business, especially when he has his own relationship to take care of and nurture.

Still, he hopes Hunk will make Keith happy, will keep on being good to him.

It’s all honestly a bit of a lonely feeling sometimes. Shiro is no longer Keith’s only friend, but Keith is still Shiro’s if he doesn’t count Adam. Now that he’s moved out of the Holts’ house, Shiro doesn’t even see Matt that much, aside from briefly in passing at the Garrison, but since Matt lives at home and studies in a different department, those meetings are brief and far in-between. Shiro’s thought about texting him a few times, but he’s never quite sure if he should. Matt is probably busy, since he hasn’t texted Shiro either, and Shiro doesn’t want to bother him.

Of course Keith is still there for Shiro and they keep on being good friends, but in some strange way, it still feels like Shiro has lost something.

Then, one night, Shiro makes his way to the Garrison’s library to look for material for next week’s lectures. He’s browsing through the shelves, when he feels someone suddenly gently touch his shoulder. Shiro just barely avoids jumping five feet to the air and gasping out loud, managing instead to turn and look at the person touching him.

He comes face-to-face with Matt’s wide grin and cheeky wave.

“Matt!” Shiro whisper-yells has his heart rate begins to even down. He can’t quite in good conscience scream, this being the library after all. But he also can’t hide the delighted grin starting to grow on his lips. “Hey! It’s good to see you. What are you doing here?”

“Well, what do most people do in libraries,” Matt says with a smile. “I have a paper due soon, thought I’d work on it here so I don’t have to drag all the books home with me. But then I spotted you and thought I should say hi.” He grins. “It’s been a while, how are you doing, man?”

“I’m well, thank you,” Shiro says. “How about you?”

“Fine, fine,” Matt says, waving his hand as a sign of dismission. “Drowning in homework, but what else is new?”

Shiro chuckles. “And your family? I hope everyone’s doing well?”

“Well enough, I guess,” Matt says, shrugging, but Shiro can see the way his smile drops a little.

“What is it?” he says softly, stepping a bit closer to Matt. “Is something going on?”

“Nothing too bad. It’s not life-threatening or anything,” Matt says, but his expression remains grim. “It’s just…I don’t think Katie is fitting in that well at her school. She’s so much smarter than everyone else there, even the teachers. The other kids make fun of her and I don’t think she has any friends because all those brats are jealous of her wits.” He shakes his head. “I do what I can to be there for her, but…”

Shiro’s chest aches at seeing the look on Matt’s face. He may not have come to know Katie as well or closely as he did the rest of the Holt family, but he knows she doesn’t deserve this, and neither does the rest of her family by proxy. If only there was something he could…

And then it hits him. He hasn’t really thought about it before, but now that it has occurred to him, the idea feels almost too perfect. They’re so similar. He can’t believe he didn’t see it before now.

“Matt,” he says in a sudden rush, his heart pounding with excitement in his chest. “Do you think it might help if Katie had just one friend? Even if that friend didn’t go to her school?”

Matt looks up. “I’m sure it would. But it’s not like I can just magically conjure up a friend for her.”

“Let me worry about that. I think I know someone who she could get along with,” he says. “Maybe I can text you later so we can make arrangements?”

Matt blinks a few times, before his lips slowly begin to twist into a smile. “What did you have in mind?”

…

A few days later, Shiro parks his hoverbike in the driveway of the Holt residence, gently turning off the engine and taking off his driving goggles.

“This is still kinda weird if you ask me,” Keith says as he hops off the hoverbike from where he’s been sitting behind Shiro, clutching his waist. “It’s not like I know Commander Holt that well or anything. Won’t I be intruding?”

“Oh, come on,” Shiro says, moving to smooth down Keith’s wind-blown fluffy hair just a little, to at least try and make him more presentable. “When was the last time you had a home-cooked meal?”

“Hunk gave me some leftovers the other day,” Keith murmurs, swatting Shiro’s hand away, his cheeks looking strangely red. Perhaps it’s from the wind? “Wouldn’t it have made more sense for you to bring Adam or something?”

Shiro has to admit that it technically probably would’ve if this was meant to be just a regular visit. But it’s not. But he can’t tell Keith that. He and Matt had both agreed that it would be wiser for Shiro not to let Keith know why he was really bringing him over to the Holt residence. Namely, so he can meet Katie and maybe become friends with her. They both thought the young ones might be more reluctant to get to know each other if they knew they were being set up.  

But Shiro is also convinced that the two will get along. Once he started thinking about it, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Keith and Katie are cut from the same cloth in more ways than one.

“Maybe,” Shiro says. “But the Holts wanted to meet you specifically. I talked about you a lot to them.”

Keith blinks rapidly a few times, before slowly, an almost goofy grin takes over his face. “Really?”

“Of course,” Shiro says, smiling. “Now, come on, we don’t wanna be late.”

They step over to the front door of the house, and Shiro rings the doorbell. As Matt promised, Katie is the one to open the door, and Shiro has to give Matt credit for getting her to do that, even if it makes him wonder how he made it happen, with how reluctant she seemed to be to meet any strangers or spend time with Shiro while he was staying with her family.

“Hi Katie,” Shiro says, smiling down at the girl. “Can we come in?”

“Well, you were invited after all,” she says, stepping aside and opening the door wider at the same time with her hand.

“Thanks,” Shiro says, stepping inside. Keith follows him, and once they’re both in the house, Shiro turns to present Keith to Katie. “This is my friend Keith. I thought I’d bring him along for dinner.”

“Hey,” Keith says, giving her a small wave.

“Hi,” Katie says, tilting her head in question.

“Oh, Shiro,” Sam says, leaning his head out of the dining room door. “I’m so glad you could make it.” He walks over, shaking Shiro’s had with a smile. Afterwards, he turns to Keith. “And you’re Keith, aren’t you?” he says, offering Keith his hand as well.

“Y-yeah. Hello, Commander Holt,” Keith mutters, his shoulders a bit stiff with nerves for having been put on the spot. But he takes Sam’s hand to shake it, if somewhat awkwardly.

“Please, call me Sam. We’re not at the Garrison right now,” Sam says with a kind smile.

Before Keith can say anything else, a gentle but rapid thuddering of long nails and small feet sounds against the wooden floors as Bae Bae rushes down the stairs to greet the new arrivals, his tongue lolling out and Matt at his heels.

However, instead of going to Shiro like he had gotten to expect whenever he came in during his time with the Holts, Bae Bae makes his way straight to Keith, standing up on his back legs so he can reach up and kiss his face. Shiro’s not sure if he should feel insulted or not, after all the walks he and Bae Bae shared.

“Bae Bae, no!” Katie cries, but there’s an undertone of laughter in her tone as she tries to pry the dog off Keith. “I’m really sorry, he likes new people a lot.”

“It’s okay,” Keith says, and there’s laughter in his tone as well, as he settles from his surprise and beings to pet Bae Bae’s ears. “I like dogs.”

“Still,” Katie says, putting her hands on her hips as she turns to her approaching brother. “I told you to keep him at bay, Matt!”

“Sorry, Pidge,” Matt says, but doesn’t really sound like it. Shiro can’t help but wonder if this was also a part of his master plan, but he doesn’t really know how it could be. How would Matt know that Keith likes dogs? Not even Shiro knew that.

“Don’t call me that,” she huffs, before moving to properly tug Bae Bae off Keith. “Down, boy. Leave Keith alone.”

Bae Bae whines but goes down as told, still panting with his tongue out. He seems to cheer up and starts to wag his tail when Keith crouches down to properly pay him attention and pet him, though.

“There’s still a bit time left until dinner,” Sam speaks up. “Why don’t you come to the kitchen and say hello to Colleen, Shiro? She’s really happy you agreed to come over.”

“Sure,” Shiro says with a nod.

“Pidge, why don’t you take Keith up to your room?” Matt says, almost too smoothly. “You can show him that robot you’ve been working on.”

Keith looks up, eyes wide and shining. “You have a robot in your room?”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Katie says, though she looks pleased. “Just something I’ve been working on for the school science fair.”

“That’s cool,” Keith says. “We never got to do anything like that at my old school. They don’t even let us do that much at the Garrison.”

“You’re at the Garrison too?” Katie asks, eyes widening.

“Yeah, first year,” Keith says. “I want to be a pilot.”

Shiro smiles. Looks like they’re hitting it off.

“Your brother is right, Katie,” Sam says, also smiling down at them. “Why don’t you take Keith upstairs for a while? Seems like you two will have plenty to talk about.”

Katie turns to Keith. “Do you wanna?”

“If you can show me that robot, sure,” Keith says with a hint of a grin.

Without any further word, the two of them stand up and start heading up the stairs, Bae Bae following along eagerly at their heels.

“Well,” Matt says, turning to Shiro with a grin. “Seems like they’re getting along just fine.”

Shiro smiles at him in return. “Seems like it.”

“Come on,” Sam says, putting a hand on Shiro’s shoulder, business as usual. “Let’s go greet Colleen.”

…

Katie and Keith are still involved in a rapid-fire conversation when the two of them come down for dinner, but Keith quiets down long enough to politely shake Colleen’s hand and to thank her for the invitation to join them for dinner.

“It is our pleasure,” she says gently to him. “It’s very good to meet you. Shiro has told us so much about you.”

“Thank you for letting him stay with you that time,” Keith says softly, averting his eyes a bit shyly. “I couldn’t really accommodate him in my room.”

“We were glad to have him,” Colleen reassures him. “It is thanks to him that my husband and all those other crew members returned safely.”

“Colleen…” Shiro murmurs, his cheeks feeling a bit hot. No matter how many times she says things like that, he never quite knows how to answer. He was just doing his job, after all, and he honestly almost put all of the rest of the people on the Penelope in jeopardy. If he’d been even a little worse for wear than he was…

“Yeah,” Keith says, turning to give Shiro a fond smile over his shoulder. “He’s an amazing pilot.”

Shiro can’t help but smile at him. “You’ll be even better than me one day. You’re already catching up pretty fast.” He turns to Katie. “He actually beat my entrance exam score.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” she says to Keith, sounding accusing.

“I didn’t wanna seem like I was bragging,” Keith says, his cheeks turning pink.

“It’s hardly bragging if it’s true,” Katie says. “Tell me about it!”

Keith begins his story as all of them settle down at the Holts’ dining table for lasagna and salad, easygoing conversation flowing all the while. Once finished with his tale, Keith compliments Colleen on the food, and eats his usual large share. It makes Shiro smile, it’s so familiar.

“So, how have you settled into the Garrison, Keith?” Sam asks kindly, sipping his glass of milk.

“Fine, thank you, sir,” Keith says shyly.

“Are you doing well with the dorm living?” Colleen asks. “Matt couldn’t last a day in them.”

“Mom!” Matt shrieks, his cheeks flushed.

“It’s fine, ma’am,” Keith says softly. “I’m used to that sort of a living arrangement. At least at the Garrison I only have one roommate instead of three.” There is a pause, with everyone ceasing in their eating to look at Keith in an alarmed question. Shiro is just about to say something to move the situation forward, but Keith beats him to it, “I, uh…I grew up at an orphanage.”

“Oh no,” Colleen gasps, covering her mouth with her hand. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay,” Keith says, giving her a polite smile. “Like I said, things are better now.” He turns to Shiro, giving him a more genuine, warmer smile. “Shiro’s helped me a lot.”

“I just gave you the chance,” Shiro insists for the nth time. “You did the rest all on your own.”

“A chance was a lot more than I usually got,” Keith says.

“And sometimes, a chance is just what you need,” Sam says gently. “Not everyone can or will use the chances given to them, but we should always give them nonetheless. That’s the only way anyone can ever succeed.”

Shiro smiles at him, raising his glass towards Sam. “Right on, Sam.”

The night flows on more smoothly after that. Keith and Katie engage in conversation amongst themselves, going back upstairs once they’re finished with their dinner, while Shiro catches up with the older Holts. It feels good to see all of them again, and he’s just about equally reluctant with Keith to leave for the night.

Keith and Katie exchange phone numbers before he and Shiro head out, and the Holts even make him promise to come for a visit.

“Just delegate with Matt when you want to come, and I’ll give you a ride with us,” Sam tells him. “You’re welcome anytime, Keith.”

Keith’s cheeks turn pink, but he manages a smile. “I’ll keep that in mind, sir,” he says, before turning back to Katie. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” she says, waving at him a little as Keith and Shiro settle back on Shiro’s hoverbike and get going back towards the Garrison.

“You asked me to come just to befriend Katie, didn’t you?” Keith asks as they’re driving, the vibrations of his voice just barely touching Shiro’s back in the wind.

“Well, it worked, didn’t it?” Shiro laughs.

“I guess,” Keith says. “I just never thought I’d be someone anyone would set up to make friends with someone.”

“I’ve told you, you’re a good friend,” Shiro says. “Katie could use someone like you. And I think you could use someone like her too.”

“…Maybe,” Keith says. “But I think you could use someone too. Like Matt. He seems nice enough.”

“…Maybe,” Shiro concedes.

Things have settled. Everything is going well with Adam. Shiro has found a balance in his life between him and Keith and his job. There’s probably no harm in trying to make a new friend.

After all, it’s not like Shiro is going anywhere anytime soon. He might as well get used to his life on Earth, and make it the happiest it can be while he still has the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> v That first chapter note is applicable again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last chapter of Rewrite the Stars. It feels kinda surreal, this fic has become so very dear to me; my baby really. I can't believe it only started out as a silly fun idea for a one-shot and and ended up growing so much. But no worries, because I truly have fallen in love with this 'verse, and you may have noticed this fic is now a part of a series. Sequels will be forthcoming, barring huge mishaps ;).
> 
> This chapter is unbetad because Vee is unavailable at this time. I'll be adding edits in later, but I really wanted to get this chapter out before s8 comes out tomorrow(!!!). No matter what happens, things will be different once it's all over. Besides, it feels fitting to end this fic just as the show is ending, since this fic finishes at the start of the Kerberos mission, which starts the actual canon timeline. We open at close, and all that :).
> 
> Thank you all for coming along on this ride with me and for your continous support. Your love has made my love for this fic grow exponentially. Special thanks to all my sensitivity and beta readers down the line as well, you all rock! <3.
> 
> Let's hope we all survive tomorrow.

Time passes in a gentle lull for a while. Life settles into a gentle warm normalcy, one where Shiro thinks that he’s probably never been this happy before. He starts spending a little more time with Matt, usually meeting up with him for lunch during the day at the Garrison, and the two of them text each other a lot when they don’t get to see each other as much in person. It’s nice, having another friend. As much as both Keith and Adam mean to Shiro, Matt is so unlike either of them that it feels like a breath of fresh air, a missing puzzle piece settling in the empty lonely void inside of Shiro, filling it a little more. Aside from being incredibly smart, Matt is also cheeky and fun, and he’s a lot better with people than anyone else in Shiro’s inner circle. It feels comforting to have a friend Shiro can go to for advice, to talk about his troubles to and who will help him understand things when he himself can’t figure them out.

Shiro and Adam work on their relationship, too. They start going on dates again, just the two of them, the way they haven’t done in a while, and focus on spending more time together. For the most part, they’ve even started actually talking about things and issues again rather than avoiding them or pretending they don’t exist. They talk about Shiro’s secret bike rides out to the desert, about Adam’s need for control and how he wishes Shiro would take better care of himself. Even when those occasions end in fights, Shiro feels better over it than having to carry all of it around in secret. And little by little, the fights cease down as well, and he and Adam get to just coexist and care about each other in peace. They’re on the right track, Shiro’s sure of it.

He hates thinking about it, but he knows their progress is at least partially due to the fact that although Shiro and Keith still spend time together, Keith has begun to grow even more into himself as more time passes. Shiro knows from Matt that Keith and Katie text each other pretty much every day, and that Keith is often at the Holt residence over the weekends for dinners and sleepovers. At the same time, Keith is busy with homework and finals and his friend Hunk at the Garrison.

In general, Keith now has a whole life completely separate and independent of Shiro. Shiro misses him sometimes, but with more people having entered into his own life now as well, the longing for Keith’s presence and friendship has also become easier to bear. Neither of them are so intimately reliant on each other now, and Shiro can’t help but think that is probably for the best. As Keith keeps on growing, Shiro being on a more equal ground with him will become to be more and more important if the two of them are to remain friends and in each other’s lives for as long as their soulmarks seem to indicate.

Shiro and Adam plan to spend the holidays with Adam’s family as usual, both of them hoping it might help them solidify their newly kindled affection for one another. To Shiro’s slight surprise, when he lets Keith know about that particular plan during one of their tutoring sessions, Keith tells him he’s been invited to stay with the Holts for the break.

“They all insisted,” he says, looking almost embarrassed with the way he averts his eyes, his cheeks flushed red. “When they found out I’d either have to stay alone at the Garrison or go back to the home, they offered right away. I couldn’t really say no.”

“Oh, I know very well how no one can really say no to the Holts,” Shiro says with a smile, reaching to touch Keith’s hand. “I’m really glad, Keith. Truth to be told, I was a little worried what you were going to do. I would’ve offered to take you with us, too, but…”

“I get it. It’s your boyfriend’s family. It’d be kinda weird,” Keith says, quickly cutting in. “And no offence, but I’m not sure I’d have a very good time there anyway.”

Shiro chuckles humorlessly. “None taken.” It’s pretty much what he’d been thinking as well. Adam may seem to have started to finally properly adjust to Keith being a fairly permanent fixture in Shiro’s life in the past weeks, but Shiro’s beginning to think the two of them will never fully be able to see eye-to-eye or be friends. With a house full of Adam’s allies and only Shiro in Keith’s corner and against his boyfriend and his family…he can barely imagine worse ways to spend the holidays.

“Hunk offered his home for me too,” Keith says softly, a small smile gracing his lips. “But the Holts asked first, so.” He lowers his eyes, suddenly a little grim.

“…Keith?” Shiro prods gently, curious over Keith’s strange expression but also not wanting to push.

“…I know Hunk misses his family a lot here. I didn’t want to intrude,” Keith admits. “Besides, they live further away and I don’t have enough money to pay for my own ticket. I wouldn’t have felt right making his family pay for it if I was already going to be staying with them and eating their food.”

“Oh, Keith,” Shiro lets out softly, putting a comforting hand on the boy’s still-fairly-thin shoulder. “I would’ve gladly loaned you the money if you needed it.”

“But I already owe you so much,” Keith says.

“You owe me nothing,” Shiro says, smiling gently. “You’re my friend, Keith. I’m sure Hunk thinks the same way too, and Katie; otherwise they wouldn’t have asked you to stay with them over the holidays. It’s just like I told you before, friends take care of each other.” He squeezes Keith’s shoulder, thumbing the spot where his soulmark rests under his clothes. “It’s okay to rely on people, Keith.”

“…It’s still just hard,” Keith murmurs.

“I know,” Shiro says. “It is for me too, sometimes. And I’m not expecting it to become easy overnight or for you to change right away. It’s just something to keep in mind. After all, you were able to rely on me eventually, too. You’ll get there with Hunk and Katie too.”

“It’s not just that,” Keith says, raising his head to meet Shiro’s gaze head on, his violet eyes shining and his cheeks endearingly flushed. “It was always different. With you, it’s just…easier. All of it.”

“Because I’m your soulmate?” Shiro asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Because you were the first to give a shit,” Keith says. Shiro wonders if he should reprimand him for swearing, but they’re not cadet and officer right now. They’re just Keith and Shiro, two friends and soulmates, spending time together. And Shiro doesn’t want Keith to ever start censoring himself around him during moments like these, not when eventually Keith is going to graduate and they will cease to be cadet and officer altogether.

Keith beings to slowly avert his eyes as his cheeks take on a deeper red hue. “…You’re my best friend, Shiro. I know I may not be yours but…”

“Keith,” Shiro cuts him off gently, squeezing his shoulder lightly. “You’re my best friend too.”

Keith quickly looks up, his eyes suddenly wide. “Shouldn’t that be Adam?”

“Well, maybe you’re my best friend who isn’t also my boyfriend.” Shiro chuckles, hoping Keith won’t notice the strain forcing itself into his tone. He knows intellectually that Adam should indeed be his best friend, that the two of them should be a team together before anything or anyone else. The two of them against the world. But although they’ve managed to fill some of the cracks that were starting to from and grow from before, being confronted with it like this, Shiro can’t help the fact that he can’t quite forget everything Adam has said or done either, and what Keith has said and done instead.

And he can’t help how in his heart Shiro knows Adam is not his best friend anymore any more than that. That spot is now wholly Keith’s. But Shiro also knows knowing that would just make Keith feel guilty, make him feel like he’s ruined yet another thing between Adam and Shiro, so it’s best just to say it like this, for both their sakes. To let it be Shiro’s own little secret.

His small lie seems to be enough for Keith anyway, because his lips slowly spread into a big, shining bright smile. “I think I can live with that.”

Shiro smiles back, his heart glowing with warm affection that he swears he can see reflected on Keith’s face. It’s like Keith’s smile is the sun shining directly inside of him, making everything bright and beautiful with his friendship. And at that moment, not for the first time, Shiro feels like he’d be willing to do almost anything to protect that smile.

…

Since Shiro knows Keith will be spending the holidays with the Holts, he arranges a meeting with Matt before the break to give him the presents to deliver his whole family as well as Keith from him. It’s probably just as well; Shiro has a feeling Keith might’ve been reluctant to accept a present if he’d just directly handed it to him before the holidays like he’d originally been planning. Perhaps this way the Holts will make him feel more like he can accept it. Shiro felt so bad learning that he’d completely missed Keith’s birthday in October, Keith not having mentioned anything about it at the time, so he feels the least he can do is give him a present now. Just like he feels the least he can do for the Holts after all their kindness is give them presents as well. After all, what else is he supposed to do with all the bonus money left over from successfully piloting a ship to the moons of Jupiter?

The holidays spent with Adam’s family are just about the same as they always are for Shiro. The Williamses are wholesome, normal and nice people. Adam’s mother is a teacher and his father a military man, his son having followed his footsteps. Adam’s older sister is there with her husband and two kids, heavily round with the third one, and his younger sister has brought her girlfriend of six months to meet everyone. Shiro’s just glad their presence takes some of the attention off the expected talk of when he and Adam are getting engaged, getting married.

It’s all par of the course. Nice and normal. Just about what Shiro expected. This was what he fell in love with in Adam to begin with; this wholesome way of life, like something out of a storybook or manual for a perfect family. Nobody talks about space journeys or the latest science, just about mundane things like how the last doctor’s appointment went and how great the turkey they have for dinner is.

The Williamses are probably the most everyday, ordinary, standard people Shiro knows. But for the first time, Shiro is starting to feel like the Williamses might also be the most boring people he knows by far.

It’s perhaps a little sad that the highlight of his Christmas Day is when Keith texts him to thank him for his present.

**_From: Keith_ **

_ I can’t believe you got me a present! _

**_From: Me_ **

_ How could I not? Not when I missed your birthday too! :O. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ but I didn’t get you anything… _

**_From: Me_ **

_ That’s okay :). I don’t need anything. I just wanted to give you something, to make you happy. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ you’re far too nice. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Maybe ;). But did you like them at least? _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ I love them. Thanks. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ I’ll wear them when we go racing again, okay? _

**_From: Me_ **

_ I was hoping you would ;). _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Happy holidays, Keith. Thank you for being my friend. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ happy holidays Shiro. thank you for all you’ve done for me. I swear I’ll never forget it. _

Shiro spends most of the rest of the day texting Keith and Matt, getting updates of their day and night as Adam is distracted by spending time with his family. The Holts and Keith apparently played some video games and watched movies after opening the presents and before eating a magnificent dinner. And then, come night, they shot off their own home-made fireworks in their backyard to the night sky.

As Shiro briefly looks up from the selfie Matt sent of his family and Keith in their backyard, all of them grinning widely, and tunes into listening to Adam and his sister talking about her baby shower, he can’t help but think he’d much rather be where Keith is right now as well.

…

Even after the holidays pass and Shiro and Adam return to the Garrison, more of the same normalcy they experienced with Adam’s family only seems to continue. Shiro feels almost like he and Adam returned bathed in the trademark Williams mundanity to the point that they reek of it, exuding the fumes of that wholesome family life all around them, and with it, the tediousness.

On the outside, nothing probably seems different between them when compared to the way things were before the holidays. In some ways, it would maybe even seem better, because Shiro and Adam certainly fight less than they used to. The problem there is, though, that it seems the only reason they’re not fighting is because they’re barely talking at all anymore. It’s like Adam got brainwashed by spending just a few weeks with his family, got inserted into the mindset that meaningless, unconflicted conversations are what true happiness and functionality look like.

And so, it quickly starts to feel like the only things he and Shiro talking about anymore are how their days went, what they want to have for dinner that day, how Shiro is feeling and if he remembered to take his meds, and if they can be bothered to have sex that night.

Most of the time Shiro can’t bother. Not when Adam is equally normal, equally  _ boring  _ in bed as he is everywhere else. His own hand takes care of the problem just as well, and these days usually even better, than being with Adam would.

For the lack of anything better to do with all his boring time, Shiro begins inviting Keith out for more hoverbike races, for trips to the city, for sparring sessions at the gym. Keith is now constantly wearing the fingerless leather gloves Shiro gave him for Christmas, which makes him happy to see, and he seems to always be either eager to spend time with Shiro or sorry when he can’t. Being with him always makes Shiro feel a little less like his life is about to be overtaken by the normalcy virus, makes him feel less lonely than when he’s with Adam.

It’s still a relief to know that when Keith’s not available to spend time with Shiro for whatever reason, he can ask Matt instead. Sometimes, Matt invites him to dinner at his house. The Holts are always happy to have him and Shiro is always happy to go, to be surrounded by warm and intellectually stimulating people and interesting conversation about adventures and science. Sometimes Keith comes along with him to spend time with Katie.

Adam doesn’t comment on the distance between them, on Shiro spending time with other people. He can’t, really, not getting a real chance when he and Shiro and he are barely talking, when he stills seems insistent on pretending like nothing is wrong. That, too, has just managed to grow into merely another part of Shiro’s newest form of normal, when Shiro is invited to meet Sam at his office out of blue via a message, without any further explanation as to why.

Shiro makes his way to the science department and Sam’s assigned rooms at the Garrison in quick, long steps, his heart hammering in his throat the entire time, his arm pulsing to the same beat at his side. He has no idea what this could be about, and he prays with each step he takes it’s nothing bad. He hopes everyone in the Holt family is alright; he couldn’t bear the thought of any of them hurt. He hopes nothing is wrong with Keith – as his soulmate, Shiro is his next of kin, so he would be called up if that was the case. He tries to calm himself by telling himself that if anything was wrong with Keith, he’d be called to see Iverson, who is Keith’s main superior officer and teacher in the flight department rather than Sam, but it does little to no good in calming him down.

Finally, Shiro reaches the office. Its door is open and inviting, and he knocks on the side of it as he peers inside. Sam is siting behind his desk, looking fairly carefree and serene, merely evidently doing some paperwork, surrounded by family pictures as ever.

“Ah, Shiro,” he says at the sound of Shiro’s knock, looking up from his papers. “Please, come on in. And be so good as to close the door as you come inside, would you?”

Shiro nods a little nervously, stepping inside and pressing the panel by the side of the door to the office, causing it to shuffle closed behind him as he walks over to Sam’s huge desk.

“Please, have a seat,” Sam says, gesturing to the chairs in front of Shiro, smiling up at him. “And for goodness’s sake, stop looking so nervous. I didn’t call you here for anything bad. Just private.”

“Sorry,” Shiro says, swallowing to try and make his heartbeat even out a little in his chest. He has to admit though, that despite the leftover nerves, he’s a little intrigued now what prompted Sam to ask him to come. “What did you want to see me for?”

Sam smiles. “There is a new mission coming up. It’ll take a while yet for the day of it to arrive, and it’s not even public yet. But I have been appointed as the head researcher and for that the Garrison is allowing me to recommend a pilot.” Shiro’s heart leaps into his throat, but this time for a completely different reason. Sam’s smile widens. “I can think of no one I’d prefer to fly that ship more than you, Shiro.”

Shiro blinks a few times, unable to do anything else. For a while, he swears his heart stops beating entirely. He feels numb with shock, and a little like everything around him blurs for a bit. It’s as though his mind travels all the way to outer space and back into his body in the matter of seconds as it slowly hits him what Sam just said means. As emotions return to begin to rush through his body like rivers, filling him to his every pore until he can only barely hide the grin beginning to break on his face from the giddy, bubbly feeling in the pit of his stomach.

It’s only then that it finally really hits Shiro tht he hadn’t expected to get this kind of a chance again, not after the way the last mission ended. It’s not something he has been actively thinking about – perhaps he’s even subconsciously avoided thinking about it for the sake of his own sanity – and no one has said it aloud either, but the knowledge that it’s something he and everyone around him has likely taken for granted, been sure of, knocks the breath out of him.

And yet now he’s here. He’s being offered a chance to go to space again, to fly again to worlds he hasn’t seen before, to experience that feeling and those places that can never quite be described in words without being there. No matter where this mission is going, it’s more than Shiro had dared to hope.

“Thank you for this honor, sir,” is the only thing he can bring himself to say, his head still swimming with emotion.

“No need to thank me,” Sam says kindly, waving his hand in a way that is quite similar to the way his son does it. “You’ve more than proved yourself.”

Shiro almost doesn’t want to bring it up, doesn’t want to do anything that would compromise being given this chance…but if he is to be a responsible pilot, a responsible person, he must address it. After all, dream or not, Sam believing in him or not, Shiro knows that as soon as he steps into the cockpit, it won’t be just about him anymore. He’ll have all the lives the ship carries on his shoulders. And with how close he came to having those lives on his consciousness the last time…

“What of my ALS?” Shiro murmurs, unable to say it any louder than that. His arm throbs at his side.

Sam gives him a small smile tinged with sympathy. “Naturally you’ll need to go through physical evaluations and be able to prove you’re well enough to go. But it is not a dealbreaker for me if it isn’t for you.”

Shiro blinks. “Even with what happened last time?”

“What happened last time was that you saved us all, Shiro,” Sam says gently. “You safely landed the Penelope, and you kept us safe throughout the entire journey even before the perilous landing. If anything, our last mission together only adds to me wanting you specifically because I believe it proved the two of us work quite well together. This new mission will only have a small crew, likely just the two of us and possibly another scientist or two to help me out, so having a good relationship between each crew member will be vitally important. Especially with such a long journey.”

Shiro blinks again. No journey to space is exactly short, but the way Sam says it now makes him think there is more to this than that. “Sir, where is the mission going?”

Sam smiles again, but there is a bit of a sly edge to it now. “Kerberos.”

Shiro can’t hold in the gasp that escapes him. There is only so much emotion he can conceal. “Pluto’s moon?”

“The one and only,” Sam says, still smiling.

“No one’s gone that far before.”

“I know.” Sam nods. “That’s why we’re keeping everything under wraps for the moment. It’s going to be a long and difficult mission, even if we manage to get to the launch point. Many things need to be agreed on and finalized, and even then the mission might not even happen if the higher ups think it too dangerous. It’ll likely take at least a year before the time of it really comes. But I wanted to tell you now, to give you some time to start preparing.”

Shiro manages a nod through his dizziness. “I appreciate it, sir. I would be honored beyond what I can say to be on this mission,” he says, returning Sam’s kind smile before licking his lips in thought for a bit. “Am I allowed to tell about this to anyone?”

“Keep it in your inner circle. Make sure the people you tell don’t talk,” Sam says. “But you should probably let your nearest and dearest know at the very least. You’ll be gone for a long time if this mission happens, after all.”

Shiro nods, swallowing for himself. He can already just about predict how those conversations will go, and one of them he’s definitely not looking forward to, even if it might be a bit of a break from all the boredom he’s had to get unbearably used to lately.

…

Shiro still feels like he’s floating on air when he leaves Sam’s office, his head fuzzy with emotion even as he takes his phone out.

**_From: Me_ **

_ Can you come meet me at my apartment? There’s something I want to tell you. _

The answer comes in under a minute.

**_From: Keith_ **

_ is everything ok? _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Everything is amazing. This is just kind of private. _

**_From: Keith_ **

_ I’m heading over there right now. I don’t have a class next period. _

**_From: Me_ **

_ I’ll meet you there. _

Shiro rushes up his steps. Everything around him suddenly seems both brighter and more surreal in equal measure. He still can’t quite seem to grasp this is real, that he’s really been given this opportunity again. Even if this actual mission never happens – although, by God, does Shiro hope it does – just being considered for it means his flying career is not yet over. He has a chance to do what he loves the most again. That alone is worth celebrating.

As he turns the final corner, he comes in view of Keith waiting for him by the door to his apartment, dressed in his cadet uniform as always during daytime, and the sight of him only seems to amplify Shiro’s joy. He can’t help the grin that begins to spread over his lips, the happy hum that escapes him.

“Keith!” He waves cheerfully, hurrying up the last few steps towards his friend into a near run.

“Shiro,” Keith says, turning to him with a nervous flicker in his eyes. Seems Shiro’s reassurances hadn’t quite convinced him.

“Hey,” Shiro says gently as he reaches him, taking out his keycard and quickly using it on the door to let them both in. “Let’s go inside. I have amazing news.”

Keith gives him a small, cautious smile from the corner of his mouth as the door to Shiro and Adam’s apartment slides open. Shiro gestures for him to step in, and with a nod, Keith does with careful, light steps. Despite being Shiro’s soulmate, he actually hasn’t visited his quarters that often. He’s come to meet Shiro there a few times or come to return a book of Shiro’s recommendation, but Shiro could count with one hand the times Keith’s actually been inside the rooms.

In a way, Shiro can understand why. The apartment is a direct reflection of Shiro’s relationship and life with Adam, after all, and Keith has been uncomfortable enough with the idea of intruding in his and Shiro’s lives without stepping into their living space. Even now as he walks inside, Keith keeps his arms tightly pressed against his body as if for protection, his shoulders hunched with clear nerves. Shiro would normally spare him the trouble of having to be here, in a place where Keith’s clearly not at ease, but his news is something he can’t tell out in the open, and he can’t wait until a proper time for them to go racing again for the privacy of the desert. He needs to tell someone, tell Keith, his good news, his best possible news, right away.

“Come, let’s have a seat,” Shiro says as he moves to take off his shoes, seeing Keith do the same from the corner of his eye. He waits for Keith to finish putting his shoes away before leading him over to the couch.

“Shiro, what’s going on?” Keith asks as they take their seats. “I know you said it wasn’t anything bad, but you’re starting to make me nervous.”

“It really is nothing bad. It’s the most amazing news of my life,” Shiro reassures him, a ridiculously goofy smile threatening to break out on his face again.

Keith bites his lip, his violet eyes somehow murky and bright at the same time as they look at Shiro. “…Did Adam propose to you?”

“What?” Shiro asks, because that was just about the last thing he expected Keith to say. “No, Keith, that’s not it. Why did you think that?” Keith shrugs. “No, what I wanted to tell you was that there might be a new mission coming up. It’s not for a while and it’s still under consideration…but I’ve been recommended as the pilot by Sam. He’ll be the head scientist.”

Keith looks up in a flash, the clouds in his eyes fading immediately and becoming replaced with shining sparkles as they widen. It’s times like these that Shiro can almost see nebulae reflected in Keith’s irises, so bright and so unique in their color.

“Shiro, that’s incredible!” he says, surprising Shiro by leaping over to wrap his arms around him in a quick hug. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks, Keith,” Shiro laughs, patting his back. “It’ll be a while before any of it actually happens, if it even happens. I will need to check with my doctor if I’m even well enough to go, but…”

“You’re gonna go on that mission. I know you will,” Keith says, his face pressed against Shiro’s chest.

“Keep this between us, okay? It’s not public knowledge yet,” Shiro says, moving to pet Keith’s fluffy hair down affectionately.

“I won’t tell anyone, I promise,” Keith says, before sitting up more properly to look Shiro in the eyes. “Where is the mission going?”

Shiro can’t help but grin again. “Kerberos.”

Keith blinks rapidly, his mouth falling open. “Holy shit,” he says, his voice coming out almost a whisper. “Holy shit, Shiro! You’ll be making history!”

“I’m trying not to hope for too much,” Shiro admits. “I know it might not even happen, but…damn, I want it.”

“They’d be fools to pick anyone but you,” Keith says, and there is so much faith in his voice that Shiro almost wants to hug him again. “I think it’ll happen, Shiro. I believe it. Call it a gut feeling or whatever, but…I think you’re meant for that mission.”

Shiro gives him a small smile. “I’ll take you to the launch again.”

“And you’ll have to tell me all about it when you get back,” Keith says, his eyes shining.

“Of course,” Shiro chuckles. “It’ll be a small crew this time. Just me and a few scientists. It’ll be a long mission too.” It’s only then that it hits him. What exactly that could mean regarding Keith specifically. “I might miss your graduation.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Keith says, briefly shaking his head. “If the mission happens, you have to do it. It’s your dream right? I’ll still be here when you get back.”

Shiro gives him a pained smile, seeing the ache of it reflected on Keith’s lips and in the sad tinges of his eyes. He knows what both of them are not saying. They both know this mission might be Shiro’s last chance of flying in space, at least on an extended mission like this. When he comes back, enough time will have passed that it’s likely his ALS will slowly start to really affect his health and deteriorate his capabilities.

He won’t be living out his dreams much longer after that.

“I just wish…” Shiro begins, but has to stop to swallow around his suddenly tight throat, his burning eyes. He feels Keith reach over to take a hold of his hand, and Shiro welcomes it. He squeezes Keith’s hand in return, still so much smaller than his own but such a vital line of life for him, the strongest of anchors at times like this. “I wish you could come with me. I wish we could fly together just once.”

“We will, Shiro,” Keith says, and there is sorrow in his voice as well, hiding under the conviction he must be forcing into his words. “I swear we will, even if it’s just for a leap around the moon when you get back. I promise we’ll fly together some day.”

Shiro gives him a tearful smile, and can’t bring himself to argue at the look on Keith’s face. He knows they both know it’s highly unlikely they’ll ever be able to do what Keith says, but he appreciates Keith saying it all the same. It’s nice to hope, and good to dream about it, if only for a moment.

“No matter what, I know you’ll do great things, Keith,” Shiro says gently, squeezing Keith’s hand again. “You’ll surpass even me one day. You’ve already done so much. You’ve really turned your life around, and I can’t even express how proud I am of you. I can’t imagine what you’ll do with more time.”

Keith swallows, his eyes shining and his cheeks flushing red like apples. He bites his lip, and Shiro can feel his hand is shaking in his. “Shiro, I…”

Before Keith can continue, both of their attentions are drawn towards the door by the shuffling sound created as it opens. As if burned, Keith quickly draws his hand back, moving a bit further away from Shiro on the couch. Shiro almost wants to tell him it’s okay, that there’s nothing he should be ashamed of or nervous about…but he knows that would be a lie, and he promised himself he’d never lie to Keith.

Adam steps inside, his bag flung over his shoulder, stopping in his tracks and blinking a few times as he sees them.

“Takashi,” he says, his eyes wide with surprise. “I didn’t expect you to be here. I thought you had a meeting with Commander Holt?”

“I did. It wasn’t a very long meeting,” Shiro says.

“And him?” Adam says, quickly raising his hand to briefly point at Keith. “Shouldn’t he be in class?”

“It’s his free period,” Shiro says, just barely managing not to hiss out his words. Adam should at least have the grace to talk to Keith directly rather than over him.

“It’s okay, Shiro,” Keith says, standing up, his expression peculiarly unreadable. “I should get going. You probably have things to discuss.” He gives Shiro a small smile over his shoulder. “Congrats again, Shiro. I’ll see you later.”

Shiro doesn’t stop him from going. Keith doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of whatever is about to happen between him and Adam. He just wishes Keith didn’t have to feel like he needs to leave just to keep the peace between the three of them. Wishes he wasn’t right about feeling like that.

As the door slides shut behind Keith’s retreating back, Adam turns to look at Shiro again. “What was he congratulating you for?”

Shiro sighs, before taking in a deep breath. “You should probably sit down. We need to talk.”

Shiro goes over what he just told Keith. Adam stays silent the entire way through Shiro’s speech, his expression even and unreadable. But Shiro can read the tension of his shoulders, the storm behind his hazel eyes. He already knows what’s coming even before he finishes talking, and he already dreads it, his temples beginning to ache with nerves. He may have expected this, but it doesn’t mean he wished for it.

When Shiro finally closes his mouth and turns to look at Adam, Adam lets out a deep sigh, hanging his head and closing his eyes as if in pain.

“Jesus, Takashi,” he says, softer than Shiro expected. “You haven’t even been back for six months.”

“Like I said, the mission is not going to happen right away,” Shiro says evenly. “It’ll probably take at least a year from now before the launch date arrives. There’s still lot to be done, a lot to decide. It’ll take plenty of time before we actually leave, if we even leave. It’s not that soon. I just wanted to give you a head’s up.”

“Well, thank you so much for your generosity,” Adam says, voice dripping with sarcasm, his eyes aflame with righteous anger as they turn to look at Shiro. “That will comfort me a lot when I’m left behind to worry and wait  _ again _ . To wonder each and every moment if you’ll return, and if you will, what condition you’ll be in. And then probably waiting and worrying even more when you’re confined in a hospital bed once more upon your return!”

“Adam, this is a big deal!” Shiro cries. “Not just for me but for the whole humanity! We’ll be making history with where we’ll be going! Why can’t you be excited for me?!”

“Do you even know if you’ll be well enough to go?” Adam demands.

“I’m gonna check that with Dr. Sherman and the others! I’m not stupid, Adam!”

“Aren’t you, Takashi?” Adam huffs, his eyes blazing and his face flushed. “Do you need another reminder of what happened the last time?”

“I remember perfectly well!” Shiro cries. “How can I forget when you keep reminding me all the time?”

“Then why can’t you see what I’m trying to say to you?” Adam demands. He’s using that tone again, talking to Shiro like he’s one of his more unruly students. The sound of it makes Shiro’s blood boil. “You’re being selfish, Takashi. You’re putting all those lives on that mission at risk, as well as your own, not to mention making decisions that will affect both of our lives on your own. Even if you return, will you ever be the same afterwards? We might not be as lucky as the last time. You might not ever completely recover from this journey.”

“I told you, I’m not gonna go on the mission if the doctors say I can’t!” Shiro repeats, frustration seeping deep into his cry. “But if it would serve you to remember, I may have collapsed at the end of the previous journey, but no one got hurt even then. In fact, I saved the crew a lot of times during a lot of perilous situations!”

_ But you wouldn’t know that, would you _ , Shiro can’t help but think.  _ You’ve never even cared to find out.  _

“Sam wanted me specifically to do this for a  _ reason _ . And I want to go, Adam!” Shiro yells. “This might be my last chance to go to space at all! I want to end my career on a high note!”

“Takashi, you could die out there!”

Shiro bites his lip, taking in a breath, steeling his shoulders. “I would be willing to die for it. I’d know I lived a full life to the best of my abilities with what I was given.”

“No, Takashi,” Adam says. “It would only mean you wasted your best years on some silly childhood fantasies.”

“As opposed to what?” Shiro snaps. “Devoting myself to you? Just staying put down here and waiting for my flesh to rot?”

“No. Being safe and happy,” Adam says. He doesn’t meet Shiro’s eyes anymore.

Shiro bites his lip, trying to fight the furious ball of fire rolling inside of him, battling the overwhelming sadness that threatens to overtake him alongside the anger; the tears that are burning in his eyes.

“That kind of life,  _ this _ kind of life…it may be enough for you, Adam,” he says, quiet and keeping his voice even. He can’t bring himself to look at Adam anymore either. “But it’s not enough for me. At all.”

Shiro doesn’t stay to listen any more. He just stands up, grabs his shoes, and walks out the door. Once outside, he puts a bit of distance between himself and the apartment in case Adam chooses to follow him. Shiro takes a few calming breaths, trying to even out his trembles, to soothe the throbbing of his arm and temples, before taking out his phone.

**_From: Me_ **

_ Sam, sorry to bother you, but I think I need another favor again. _

…

Sam takes Shiro and Matt home with him that evening, and the Holt residence is just as warm and welcoming as the previous time. It all feels like a refuge for which Shiro is so grateful he can’t quite express it in words. No one asks any questions of him either, which Shiro appreciates, and he and Matt spend the night playing video games together. Bae Bae rests his head on Shiro’s lap the entire time, his warm weight comforting, as if he instinctively knows Shiro needs some TLC.

_ Dogs are so smart like that _ , Shiro thinks as he scratches Bae Bae’s ears affectionately.

In the morning, Shiro wakes up with the sun as he’s used to doing, and begins making his way down the stairs with soft steps to the kitchen for a cup of coffee before he’ll take Bae Bae out for a run. To his surprise, as the further he goes, the clearer the sound of something frying in grease and someone moving around, and smell bacon cooking, become. Someone else is already awake.

It turns out to be Sam, who turns around from where he’s standing before the stove, cooking, to give Shiro a small smile as he hears him enter the kitchen. “Ah, Shiro. Good morning.”

“Morning, Sam,” Shiro says, still a little surprised to see him, slowly taking a seat around the breakfast table. “I must say, I didn’t expect anyone to be awake yet, based on previous experiences.”

“I wanted to give the two of us some time and privacy to talk for a bit,” Sam says, flipping some bacon off the pan he’s handling onto a plate. “You didn’t really give me much of an explanation about what happened between you and your boyfriend yesterday.”

“Sorry,” Shiro says. “It felt weird explaining it over a text and then Matt was there…”

“I’m guessing it has something to do with the mission, then?” Sam says, turning to take a seat on the table across from Shiro, placing down plates of breakfast in front of the both of them as he does.

Shiro frowns, staring down at his bacon and eggs rather than face Sam. “Adam doesn’t want me to go. He’s scared I’ll get hurt or worse, possibly hurting the crew in the process.”

“Because of your ALS?” Sam asks, and Shiro barely avoids wincing. At Shiro’s small, forced nod, he continues, “Shiro, you do know I wouldn’t have chosen you if I wasn’t sure I wanted you?”

“I know.”

“You’re our best pilot, and I’d trust you with my life,” Sam says kindly. “Would it put his mind more at ease if you went through the physical exams already?”

“I don’t know,” Shiro says, words tasting bitter on his tongue. “He’s so convinced he’s right. Whenever he gets like this…there’s no persuading him otherwise. I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy.”

“But you want the mission?”

“Of course I want it!” Shiro says, with more strength than he meant to, finally looking up. He immediately flushes as he hears the way the remnants of his voice resonate off the house walls, quickly clamping his mouth shut and lowering his eyes again. “Sam, I want very few things more than I want this.”

As Shiro makes himself look Sam in the eyes, he sees Sam giving him a sympathetic, soft smile. Shiro can’t help but think the way he looks at him is almost fatherly, and the thought makes his chest ache.

“It’s not my place to tell you what to do, Shiro,” Sam says. “But in my personal opinion, life is too short to make yourself unhappy by trying to please others. If you want this, then you shouldn’t give up on it.”

“I’m not going to,” Shiro says. “I won’t.”

Sam’s brows furrow in saddened sympathy. “Even if it costs you him?”

Shiro swallows. He hasn’t wanted to think about it like that. But he knows very well that it’s a possibility.

“Yes,” he says, soft and simple. There’s no use going over the details with Sam, telling him more about how off things have seemed for a while, how nothing has really been the same between Shiro and Adam since Keith came into his life, much as it’s not really Keith’s personal fault.

“Hmm,” Sam hums, his expression kind. “Well, in that case it sounds a bit like some  _ space _ might be just what you need.”

And despite himself, despite the severity of the situation, despite the stress he’s still under, Shiro can’t help but chuckle at the pun.

Sam smiles at him, letting out a short laugh himself. “Now eat your breakfast.”

Shiro smiles back at him. “Yessir.”

…

Shiro keeps living with the Holts, and he feels even more at home with them than he did the last time. He still does his best do his part around the house, but doing so only serves to make him feel more like a member of the family, because everyone in the house has to take care of some chores one way or another. Shiro and Sam take turns driving them and Matt to the Garrison in the mornings, since Matt is apparently a horrid driver, and they listen to music and sing along or talk all the way there. Sometimes Shiro stays back at the Garrison after classes to spend time with Keith or sometimes Keith comes back with them to spend time with Katie and Shiro. They all play games together. Matt, Keith and Katie work on their homework around the same table while Shiro grades papers in their company, all of them chattering and helping each other in-between. Despite the circumstances, it’s like Shiro’s life has never been so full of people, laugher and love, even more than during that brief period between his and Adam’s big fight and the holidays. Even when his birthday comes and goes, with the small party the Holts throw for him, he barely spares a thought for Adam. It helps that everyone seems to work so hard at being a good distraction for him. It makes him feel a little less lonely.

Shiro keeps out of Adam’s way and this time, after learning the reason for their fight, Keith doesn’t seem inclined to encourage Shiro to make up with him this time either. Shiro mostly avoids Adam altogether, growing busy with the spring finals rolling around, grading papers and tutoring Keith in preparation for them.

Even after Keith’s first semester at the Garrison comes to an end, Shiro doesn’t feel the need to go back and talk to Adam. He keeps staying with the Holts, but with the summer starting, the talks about the Kerberos mission slowly also begin to gain more ground. It causes Shiro to be quite busy for a bit, and although he misses him and texts him as much as he can, he’s actually a little glad Keith’s staying with Hunk’s family for a few weeks during that time because Shiro probably would have little to no time for him at all.

Since the Kerberos mission is going to have such a small crew, the Garrison wants more of Shiro’s input on the plans and routes for it rather than just relying on their other personnel’s navigators. It’s a great honor to help even before taking the flight, to know that Shiro will have helped put together this history-making mission even if he may not get to go on it himself in the end. To his surprise, Matt gets chosen as the assistant scientist for the mission during the summer months. Apparently his smarts and good relationship with his father and Shiro both have given him the credentials to go on the mission, alongside a personal vouch from his teachers. They’re going to let him graduate early so he can go on the mission, and by the time the decision is finalized, Shiro can’t imagine anyone else for the position. If anything, Matt giving him an excited hug at the end of that particular meeting makes Shiro want the mission for himself even more as well.

He begins adding more training to his regular regimen. He goes through multiple physical exams with Dr. Sherman and her team, all of them familiar to him in various degrees from his years at the Garrison. He even takes to praying he gets to go on this mission for the lack of anything more or better to do to help his case.

Keith returns at just the right time from his little vacation to be the best possible distraction from the incoming results of Shiro’s medical tests. The summer is at peak hotness at that point, so the two of them go racing in the evenings to cool off after Keith gets out form working the summer job that he’s finally allowed to have at a fast food restaurant in town. He doesn’t particularly like his job, still a touch too awkward with people to really enjoy working in retail, but he certainly likes having his own money for once and getting to pay for some of his and Shiro’s meals when they go out, and saving a little for things he wants to buy for himself.

Keith comes over a lot to the Holt house during the weekends, too. He, Shiro and the Holt family all take a trip to the beach one weekend, but otherwise rely on the sprinklers and the above-ground pool in the Holts’ backyard to keep cool, Keith and Katie running through the spray of water multiple times in their swimwear and crying with laughter every time. They, Shiro and Matt all play more games together, they talk about the upcoming mission now that the whole Holt family is in on it, they go see all the summer blockbusters in the airconditioned theater in the city and Keith insists on paying for everyone just to show he can. Katie shares her dreams of going to the Garrison in more detail with Shiro as time passes and she grows more comfortable around him, and he can’t help but grow fond of her for it in return, seeing in her that same burning curiosity that is also in him, in Keith, in her brother and father.

It’s quite possibly the best summer Shiro has ever had. And it’s only made greater by the end of it, just before classes at the Garrison start up again, when Shiro is declared well enough to fly by Dr. Sherman’s whole medical team.

The Kerberos mission is happening, and he’s going to be on it.

As a bit of a celebration, he gets a haircut. It was getting a bit shaggy anyway.

…

The new semester at the Garrison starts out mostly normal. Shiro still isn’t particularly keen on seeing Adam, and he supposes he needs to face the fact that at this point, they’re probably technically over anyway. The thought of it is not something he really enjoys focusing on, so he goes on about his life as best as he can the way he’s come to know it in the past months. He lives with the Holts since none of them seem eager to kick him out yet, he teaches at the Garrison, he spends time with Keith and the Holt family. He goes to regular follow-up check-ups with Dr. Sherman to make sure he stays well enough for the Kerberos mission. He attends meetings about the mission, keeps on training for it.

And then, a few weeks into the semester, Shiro gets invited to Sam’s office again, not too unlike that day Sam told him he wanted Shiro to be his pilot to the furthest corner of their solar system than any human has ever been. This time, though, it turns out he’s not there to see Sam.

“This man is sick and he should not be send on another mission, especially as far away as Kerberos,” Admiral Sanda says, standing perfectly straight in her neatly pressed uniform and with her voice ringing clear and full of conviction, as if completely unaware of how each word is like a stab to Shiro’s heart.

The situation is like a rehash of every fight he’s ever had with Adam, a repeat of every doubt any superior officer has ever voiced about Shiro and his ALS and how that might affect his flying abilities. A question of why Shiro’s worked so hard, why he’s sacrificed so much, if this is all it ever was going to amount to, rings in his ears. He can’t even speak in his own defense, all his fears and doubts constricting his throat. He can’t bear the thought of not going on this mission. Not after everything that has already happened.

He’s used to fighting his own battles, of never giving up on himself because he might be the only one would be on his side in life. But he’s so tired of it all. So exhausted of fighting tooth and nail for even the slightest chance to do what he loves the most in life. The battle of it all weighs on him like the pull of gravity did when he landed the Penelope into Earth’s atmosphere.

What he doesn’t expect is for Sam to help him shoulder the burden. To fight  _ for  _ him.

“If he doesn’t go on this mission, neither do I,” Sam tells Sanda, back equally straight and voice equally convinced. The sight and sound of him fills Shiro with shocked warmth right to his toes. Not for the first time, he wonders if this is what it’s like to have a father who lifts you up and wants to do all he can to help you achieve all your dreams. He can’t help but envy Matt and Katie that they’ve gotten to have Sam all throughout their lives.

Still, the matter of whether Shiro goes or doesn’t go on the Kerberos mission remains rather unresolved even by the time Shiro is dismissed from Sam’s office. Admiral Sanda has made it fairly clear to him that she would like for him to step down on his own and not cause any fuss or back-talk. To let the matter drop peacefully and make way for a pilot who is not sick. A part of Shiro even wonders whether he should. If he’s being selfish for clinging onto this mission with such fervor.

Shiro doesn’t even pay mind to where his feet take him as he walks through the Garrison corridors, his thoughts murky and his head swimming, beginning to throb. He doesn’t know what he should do anymore, what the right thing to do would be. Sam believes in him still, wants him for this mission, and he’s passed all his physical exams with flying colors, but…

In the end, Shiro finds he has made his way to the officer’s lounge. He shrugs to himself internally, deciding to go in to properly calm down and think. It’s not like he has anything better to do at the moment. He would normally go work out his frustrations at the gym, but he’s not really in the mood right now. He needs a moment of a breather, to just adjust to everything and rest for a while, rest his agitated body and muscles. So, Shiro makes his way to the couches, throwing his bag on the couch in frustration and taking a seat with a deep sigh.

“Takashi?” Shiro jumps at the sound of the familiar voice, the voice he’s been avoiding for months, calling his first name that only the owner of that voice ever calls him now. He looks up, and sees that Adam is indeed sitting around the kitchen island in the lounge not too far from where Shiro’s sitting, a cup of tea in hand.

“S-sorry,” Shiro says, beginning to stand back up on his feet even as his whole body feels so very heavy and aching for it. “I’ll just-”

“You don’t have to leave on my account,” Adam says, raising up a placating hand. “I just wanted to ask if everything is okay. You seem upset.”

Shiro snorts. “You’re asking that now?”

Adam’s brows furrow. “We may be fighting, and you might be avoiding me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you, Takashi,” he says, even if his voice comes out a bit pinched. “Would you want to talk about it?”

And despite himself, despite all their fights, despite all the distance in the past months…Shiro finds himself opening his mouth. Maybe it’s just old habit, maybe it’s just because Adam is there at this moment of his need, or maybe because Shiro still hopes…but he talks.

“Iverson thinks I shouldn’t be a part of the mission,” he says, moving to touch his electro stimulator band with his hand, sending a few additional pulses through his body with it. It hangs between them like a symbol of everything that has happened, everything that is still happening. “Called in the big guns. Admiral Sanda showed up and tried to convince Sam to remove me from crew.”

“Well, maybe he’s right,” Adam says. “I’ve been saying it all along. Maybe you shouldn’t go on the mission.”

Shiro grits his teeth, his anger from before flaring up again inside of him. He should’ve known. He should’ve been able to tell this time wouldn’t be any different from before, that Adam still wouldn’t take his side on this matter. He’s a right fool to think it could be different, that they could maybe fix things after all.

“You know how important this is to me,” Shiro snaps, closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at Adam. A part of him wants to just leave. But he also feels like they must have this fight one last time. Maybe only then he can finally let go for good. “It’s worth the risk.”

Adam sets down his tea cup forcibly with a loud clink against the saucer. “Takashi, how important am  _ I  _ to you?” he asks. “Every mission, every drill, I’ve been right there with you. I’ve nurtured you when you’ve been unwell. I’ve stayed by your side. But this is more than a mission. This is your life at stake.”

“Don’t start that again, Adam,” Shiro groans, leaning back against the backrest of the couch. Adam won’t even look at him. “You don’t need to protect me. This is something I need to do for myself.”

“There’s nothing left for you to prove. You’ve broken every record there is to break,” Adam says. “I know I can’t stop you. But I won’t go through this  _ again _ .”

“I’m not asking you to,” Shiro says, now turning to look at Adam where he has stood up. “I think we both know what is going on here.”

“Yes,” Adam says, grabbing his bag. “You’ve always loved the stars more than me.”

“And you’ve always loved the idea of me more than me,” Shiro shoots back, surprising even himself with how calm his voice comes out. “Face it, Adam. I’m never going to be what you’ve wanted me to be. I’m never going to live a long life with you.”

Adam’s eyes harden. “I guess not.”

Shiro grabs his own bag, standing up. “I’ll keep living with the Holts until the Garrison can get me my own quarters. I’ll come around the apartment when you’re not there to clear out the rest of my things when I have my own space.”

“Fine.”

“Goodbye, Adam,” Shiro says, and walks out of the officer’s lounge and Adam’s life.

…

Shiro meets up with Keith later that day for their tutoring session, and as soon as Keith comes in sights of him, Shiro knows he knows by the look he gets on his face.

“What happened?” Keith asks gently, quickly and smoothly taking a seat next to Shiro at the library table.

“A lot,” Shiro sighs. “The Garrison doesn’t want me on the Kerberos mission. And then I ran into Adam at the officer’s lounge. We’re over. For good this time.”

“Shiro,” Keith murmurs softly, voice heavy with sadness, before leaning over and wrapping Shiro up in his small body. It feels ridiculous against how much of Shiro’s burden Shiro feels like Keith’s frame can carry for him, how much lighter he feels just being able to share his troubles with him and gain comfort in return. “I’m so sorry. Adam’s an idiot, and so is the Garrison.”

Shiro chuckles tearfully against Keith’s shoulder. “And yet I’m the one who feels like a fool.”

“You’re not,” Keith hisses into his ear, tightening his hold around Shiro, clutching his back with his fingers. “You’re the best person I know, and the best pilot this stupid place has. Screw Adam and screw the Garrison and whatever they might think. I know you’re the best, and so do you.”

“Sam stood up for me,” Shiro says, still grateful for that if for nothing else. “He said he’s not going if I’m not going. Admiral Sanda wants me to step down on my own, I’m sure, but…”

Keith leans back out of the embrace a little so he can look Shiro in the eyes. He keeps his arms around Shiro though and Shiro almost wants to thank him for it. It feels like Keith’s hold is the only thing maintaining his functionality right now. “So, what are you gonna do?”

Shiro takes in a steeling breath. “I’m going on the mission. I haven’t done all of this just to give up now.”

Keith smiles, but it comes out almost like a smirk. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

“It’s just…” Shiro trails off. “It’s just hard to think that…that he won’t be waiting for me to come back anymore.”

“Hey,” Keith says gently, lowering his hands down so he can take a hold of Shiro’s own. “He may not be, but I’ll still be here. I know it’s not the same, but you’ll always have someone to come back home to so long as I’m around. Okay?”

Shiro manages a smile at that, even if it’s accompanies by a sniffle. “You really are my best friend, Keith,” he says, his voice a little hoarse. “Thanks for being here.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Shiro,” Keith says. “I’m right where I want to be.” He pauses. “Hey, why don’t we skip studying today and go off racing? Take your mind off things.”

Shiro blinks. “Are you sure?”

“I’ll be fine,” Keith says. “What do you say?”

Shiro smiles, already moving to grab his bag. “Let’s go.”

…

Although the Holts insist he can stay for as long as he wants, now that Shiro is no longer in the in-between zone with Adam, it feels wrong to stay and take advantage of their kindness any longer. He applies for his own quarters at the Garrison the very next day after the final break up, and gets approved for them within a few weeks. Sam, Matt and Keith all help Shiro pack up the rest of his things from his and Adam’s apartment, and Colleen and Katie join in to help him move into his new one. Shiro leaves the things he and Adam shared together behind, taking only what was originally his. He won’t be on Earth for much longer after all; Adam is free to do as he pleases with the things that once comprised their lives together.

It’s during that first night in his own apartment that Shiro finally lets himself cry for the first time over Adam.

Thankfully, it’s just as easy to avoid Adam now that they’re really broken up as it has been before. The only difference is that this time Shiro knows their separation is for good, that it’s real. In some ways, knowing that is a relief. It feels like a weight off his back to not be in the uncertain in-between zone anymore, let alone still together with Adam and either constantly numb with boredom or walking on eggshells all the time. In his heart, Shiro knows now that he and Adam have been over for a while, have been having problems for even longer. He just hadn’t been ready to accept that before now. A part of him still quite isn’t. They were together a long while after all, even if it wasn’t very good towards the end. Adam was his best friend, once upon a time. He was Shiro’s rock when things got tough. Shiro had been so sure they were meant to be together forever, soulmates or not.

At least he doesn’t lack things to keep his mind off the break-up. As soon as September turns into October, Katie Holt of all people approaches Shiro with a text message. They have each other’s numbers now, but Katie rarely contacts him directly, usually making her brother or Keith pass on the message instead.

**_From: Katie_ **

_ keith’s bday is in october right? _

**_From: Me_ **

_ Yeah. The 23 _ _ rd _ _. _

**_From: Katie_ **

_ from wht i know, hes never had a party s/ his dad died. _

**_From: Katie_ **

_ we need to throw him 1. _

**_From: Katie_ **

_ come over for dinner sometime in the week. dont bring k. well talk it out. _

It’s truly difficult to say no to a Holt when they get something in their heads. Not that Shiro minds. He’s still been feeling guilty for not doing anything for Keith’s 16 th birthday last year, and a little desperate for something concrete to focus on for a while. So, Shiro finds Sam during the day and the two of them agree that Shiro should come over for dinner to the Holt house the following day.

“I don’t think we should do a surprise party,” Shiro says as he and the Holts swap ideas over the dinner. Even though he hasn’t been living with the Holts for a while now, it feels natural to slip back into it, into these talks, into their dinner table. It fills him with the specific warmth he’s come to associate with them, the gratitude for all their kindness and welcoming manner. “Keith’s had so little control over anything in his life…I think it would just rattle him.”

“Point,” Katie says, wagging her fork in her hand. “I’ll talk to him about it beforehand then. Tell him we want to do this for him and stuff, especially since we can’t all be here to celebrate his 18 th .”

Shiro swallows around his mouthful, and his guilt with it. “Don’t go too big though. I’m sure you know he’s honestly a little shy. Just a small, intimate party will probably do. Ask him who he would want there, too.”

“Probably that friend of his? Hunk, right?” Matt cuts in. “And he’s mentioned a Lance a couple of times?”

“I think Lance is mostly Hunk’s friend,” Shiro says, more than a little touched and thankful that the Holts have taken Keith so keenly into a part of their lives. All of them are so invested in him and his well-being, practically seeming to have adopted him since Shiro first brought him over. “Like I said, probably best to ask Keith what he thinks. He and Lance don’t always get along.”

“How about presents?” Colleen asks gently. “I would like to have some element of surprise involved at least, and not ask him directly what he wants. And you know him the best, Shiro.”

Shiro licks his lips, thinking it over. “He’s never had much in life since he was put into the system, I think,” he says softly, eyes sad and on the table. “He’s not really materialistic though. Practical things like clothes will probably make him happy enough. Or something meaningful. He appreciates actions and people in his life more than things.” He closes his eyes, taking in a breath. “I think what Keith wants the most in the world is just to feel like he’s not alone, that he has people he can count on and who care about him. I think the party itself will show that enough.”

As he opens his eyes and looks up, he sees the Holts giving him nearly identical, mysterious smiles. It makes him wonder what they’re thinking about, but he’s not sure he’d even be able to understand if he were to ask. It’s hard to keep up with the way their minds work sometimes, even for him.

“We’ll see what we can do,” Sam says, and puts some salad into his mouth.

…

By the time Shiro meets Keith later in the same week for their tutoring session, Keith has been let in on the party plans.

“Katie said to tell you that you’re responsible for inviting people, since Hunk and Lance at least know who you are, and they don’t know her,” he says.

“So you do want to invite Lance as well?” Shiro asks with a raised eyebrow, making a mental note of it.

Keith shrugs. “If he wants to come, I don’t mind having him there.”

Shiro nods, giving Keith a gentle smile. “How do you feel about all of this? You can say if you don’t want a party. The last thing we want is for you to be uncomfortable.”

Keith’s cheeks turn a bit pink as he averts his eyes. “I don’t know really,” he says softly, tucking a bit of hair behind his ear in embarrassment. “I guess I feel like they shouldn’t bother? I feel like I’m a bit old for birthday parties. It feels silly for them to put all that time and effort into something I don’t really even need.”

“Believe me, they want to do it,” Shiro says kindly. “And so do I, especially since I won’t be around to celebrate your 18 th birthday, and we didn’t celebrate your 16 th .” He reaches over to place a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “It’s okay to enjoy nice things, Keith. Not everything has to be necessary or done just because you need it all the time. Sometimes things can just be because they’re fun and you like them. You’re still young; you should try to enjoy your life a bit more.”

Keith’s cheeks turn a shade darker, but as he turns to face Shiro, he gives him a smile. “Yeah, I guess,” he says. “I…I am kind of happy, actually. It was…it was nice for them to offer to do this.”

“See?” Shiro grins. “That’s the attitude I’m looking for.”

“Let’s just do my homework now,” Keith says, and takes out his tablet.

Shiro allows him the switch in the topic, and leans in to see better over Keith’s shoulder, still smiling.

…

Around a week later, the Holts and Shiro have come up with a proper schedule for Keith’s party. His birthday is thankfully on a Saturday this year, so that makes things easier. The Holts will naturally host the party at their house since it was their idea and it’s probably the place Keith feels most at home at, aside from possibly the Garrison. Since it’ll indeed be a relatively small party, they’ll all fit in there just fine.

That same week, Shiro begins keeping out an eye for the sight of Hunk in the hallways, especially during the times he’s not with Keith. Shiro gets the feeling Keith would only be embarrassed if Shiro asked Hunk to come to Keith’s birthday party while he was present himself.

Shiro finally spots both Hunk and his friend Lance chatting and walking in the corridors of the Garrison on Friday as he’s just gotten out of another meeting related to the Kerberos mission, realizes his chance, and calls out, “Hunk!”

The way Hunk freezes up in his spot, his shoulders rising up almost to his ears with how stiff they become, would almost be comical if Shiro didn’t feel so bad for startling him so badly.

“Sir, Lieutenant Shirogane, sir!” Hunk declares, raising his right hand to his forehead level in a stiff salute, Lance mimicking him with an almost manic glee in his eyes as he looks at Shiro. Ah. Probably a fan of his then.

“At ease,” Shiro says gently. “I only have a small personal manner I wanted to ask the two of you about.”

Hunk blinks, his shoulders slowly relaxing as he lets out a breath and allows his hand fall down to his side. “What is it?”

Shiro smiles. “I don’t know if you’re aware, but it’s Keith’s birthday two weeks from tomorrow on,” he says. “Some of our friends – Commander Holt’s family actually – are throwing him a small party at their house, and I think he’d really like it if the both of you could come.”

“You’re inviting me too?” Lance says, looking and sounding incredulous, before catching himself. “Uh, sir.”

“Keith said you could come if you wanted to. It’s up to you,” Shiro says.

“Well, I’ll be there no matter what,” Hunk says with conviction and determined eyes. “Can’t believe he hasn’t mentioned anything.”

“He’s a little embarrassed I think,” Shiro says. “He hasn’t had a party in a while.”

“Yeah, figures,” Hunk says, mouth downturned in a frown. “Anyway, count me in.”

Shiro smiles. “I’m glad,” he says. “Carry on.”

Shiro goes on his way, not turning back to look at the two cadets, even as he can hear them start whispering amongst themselves. He just does a small whoop of victory for himself, limited enough in movement and range that the boys won’t notice. He needs to maintain some dignity at the Garrison after all.

…

Between the seemingly only increasing meetings about the Kerberos mission, spending time with Keith and helping the Holts plan Keith’s party, the two weeks before October 23 rd seem to pass in the blink of an eye for Shiro. Before Shiro knows it, he’s packing Hunk and Lance in his car on that Saturday and driving them to the Holt residence. Keith went over there the previous night already since the Holts wanted to be able to spoil him all day long. Besides, they had all agreed it felt wrong for the birthday boy to have to be driven to his own party with his guests.

Both Hunk and Lance are holding presents in their laps, dressed in casual clothes and sitting so stiff and silent in the backseat that Shiro starts to wonder if offering to drive them was a good idea after all. They’re still so nervous around him, even if he’s also dressed in just his leather jacket and regular pants, and they’re all off the Garrison property. He just hopes they won’t be as on edge with the Holts. He really wants this party to be a success and for everyone and especially Keith to have a good time. Keith deserves it.

Thankfully, the drive passes fairly smoothly and quickly, and when Shiro rings the doorbell at the Holt residence, Keith and Katie open the door together.

“Hey,” Keith says, giving all his arriving guests a smile, dressed in his regular red hoodie. Shiro can’t help but notice it’s getting a little short at the sleeves when it used to almost drown him when they first met. Good thing he won’t have to rely on it much longer if Shiro has anything to say about it.

“Hi,” Hunk says, stepping forward and inside the Holt’s entrance hallway. He practically tosses his present over to Katie before moving to wrap Keith up in his muscular arms, almost swallowing him with his larger frame. “Happy birthday, buddy.”

“Thanks for coming, Hunk,” Keith says softly, squeezing him briefly before letting go.

“Happy birthday, Mullet,” Lance says, handing over his own present directly to Keith. He doesn’t offer a hug.

“Thanks,” Keith says, turning to Katie. “This is my friend Katie.”

“Hi,” Katie says, giving them a small wave. She has her hair on a ponytail today, wearing a pretty green dress and some leggings. Simple but a little fancier than average.

“I’m Hunk, good to meet you,” Hunk says, stepping over to shake her hand.

“Hi, the name’s Lance,” Lance says, doing the same.

Shiro takes advantage of the momentary distraction to have Keith’s attention all to himself for a bit, handing him his present. “Happy birthday, Keith,” he says warmly, and steps forward to hug Keith as well.

“Thanks, Shiro,” Keith says, wrapping one arm around his shoulders while holding his presents against this chest with the other, tucking his face in the crook of Shiro’s shoulder. He still feels so small against Shiro. Perhaps he always will. Shiro is considerably bigger than most people he knows, after all. Keith is so little, and yet he’s survived through so much, only to get to the point where he is now; seemingly happy and healthy.

The thought makes Shiro’s heart almost ache with affection for his friend, and after thinking it over for a few moments, he chances placing a small kiss to the side of Keith’s head, into his fluffy dark hair. It’s a special occasion after all. He can afford to be a bit mushy.

Shiro feels Keith grow stiff in his arms at the gesture and is just about to apologize when Colleen, Matt and Sam slip into the hallway from the living room.

“Welcome,” Sam greets his guests with a kind smile. “Thank you all for coming.”

“We wouldn’t miss this,” Hunk says, and it sounds like he really means it. It makes Shiro smile. “Uh, Commander Holt, sir.”

“None of that now,” Sam says, waving him off. “We’re not at the Garrison. Just call me Sam, or Mr. Holt if you absolutely must.”

“Hi!” Matt greets, waving happily with a carefree grin. “I’m Matt!”

“And I am Colleen,” she says. She has a rather impressive-looking camera hanging around her neck, almost subconsciously and softly touching it with her fingertips from where it hangs on her chest. “Please, come on in.”

“Now that everyone’s here, what do you wanna do first, Keith?” Katie asks, stepping closer over to him. “Food or presents?”

Keith smiles with a bit of a sly edge. “Let’s do presents first. I’m curious.”

“Let’s go to the living room, then!” Matt says.

Before anyone can move though, they’re all momentarily startled by a sudden whirring sound that fills the air around them. As they turn to look at Colleen, since the sound seems to originate from her direction, they can see she’s holding the camera around her neck up in front of her eyes, her finger on the button.

At seeing their surprise, she lowers the camera, giving them a bit of a sheepish smile. “I thought it’d be nice to document this day. Do you mind?”

There are some negative murmurs, and although Shiro hears the camera snap and whirr a few more times as they all walk to the living room and settle around Keith in the room, who sits in the middle on the couch, he realizes quickly that it’s quite easy to ignore it in the face of Keith’s almost child-like joy shining in his eyes and in his smile as he opens his presents in a very un-child-like manner, careful and precise in the way he leaves the wrapping paper neat and unripped in his wake. Such manner must be a remnant of Keith never having much, of him holding onto things he  _ can _ have with as much fervor as he can manage. It makes Shiro’s heart ache a little for him, but he brushes the feeling off as Keith finally works Lance’s present free of its confinement.

The wrapping paper reveals a self-care kit with a hairbrush, exfoliating gel, nail clippers and a bottle of shampoo.

Keith looks up, giving Lance an incredulous look. “Really?”

“Hey, I was told to bring something practical!” Lance says. “This is practical. You need to brush your hair more if you’re gonna keep it long like that at the very least.”

“A little self-care might be nice sometimes, Keith,” Shiro encourages gently. “I told you, sometimes it’s okay to just enjoy things. And he has a point, all it if is things you can use.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Keith says, and manages a smile in Lance’s direction as he puts the box down on the coffee table. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Lance says, though he won’t quite look Keith in the eye.

“Open mine next!” Hunk says brightly, handing it over to Keith from where it’s resting at the other end of the table with the remaining unopened gifts. Hunk’s present neatly wrapped and thin and rectangular in shape. A book maybe?

As Keith works it open, what it turns out to be is a sketchpad and a huge selection of colored pencils.

“Hunk…” Keith says, his eyes gleaming bright as he turns to properly face his friend, his voice small with emotion.

Hunk smiles. “I’ve seen you doodle sometimes when you’re bored. I thought it’d be nice to give you the tools to try and do it more seriously if you feel like it.”

Keith’s smile looks a bit wobbly as he leans in to give Hunk another hug. “Thanks. I love it.”

Shiro’s present is next. It’s a little bigger than the two previous gifts, and was also a bit expensive, but the look on Keith’s face as he opens it makes it all worth it.

“Shiro…” Keith almost whispers as he holds up the red-and-white cropped jacket Shiro had seen him admire at a store window some weeks previous during one of their trips to the city.

“You needed new clothes,” Shiro says with a shrug, welcoming Keith’s grateful embrace, stroking his back in a soothing manner as he feels Keith tremble in his arms. He doesn’t let go until Keith does, giving him that moment to let him take a moment to gather himself.

Once Keith lets go, the Holt family hold up their end of the presents. Even Shiro has no idea what they could be.

“We all thought of these together,” Colleen says gently, handing Keith the first present, a rectangular uneven thing. As the wrapping paper falls off, it reveals a hardcover, large photo album.

“We know you don’t have many mementoes from your years so far,” Matt explains. “We thought it’d be a time to fix that.”

“This camera,” Colleen says, holding it up where it hangs around her neck, “It’s my old one, but it’s still good for use. I’m giving it to you once I’ve developed the film from tonight. You can start filling that album on your own with it.”

“You guys…” Keith says, and his eyes are looking suspiciously red and shiny in the overhead lights of the room.

Shiro knows just then that as much as he might want to, Keith’s not going to survive today without tears. In a strange way, the thought fills Shiro with warmth. Keith was so guarded when they first met, wanting to hide every little thing that about himself that might reveal him as vulnerable, easy as it was for Shiro to see right through him. He might get embarrassed if he cries today, but it feels good to know he’s not trying to hide it now. That Keith is surrounded by people who he can be comfortable enough to cry his happy, emotional tears around. Nearly all of Shiro’s greatest hopes have come true in regards to him.

“Look inside the album,” Sam encourages.

With shaking fingers, Keith slowly does. The first page of the album turns out to be covered by a thin orange paper envelope.

“Open it,” Katie says, her voice betraying her excitement from where she’s sitting on Keith’s left side on the couch.

Keith does as told, sliding the lid off the envelope and taking a hold of the piece of paper inside with his fingertips, holding it up in front of his face. Shiro can’t see or read it from the angle he’s in, but whatever is on the paper seems to be what finally shatters the rest of Keith’s walls. His eyes grow wide for a brief moment in shock as he reads it over, before a soft gasp of a sob escapes his mouth and the tears begin falling down his cheeks. His hand falls down flat on his side, releasing the paper and letting it fall down at Keith’s feet on the floor.

“Keith!” Shiro cries, hurrying to his side and taking a hold of his right hand, the hand that just dropped the paper, as if to protect it from harm. “Keith, are you okay?”

“I…I…” Keith hiccups, tears still falling even has he lowers his head to hide his eyes behind his hair.

“Keith, hey, it’s okay,” Katie says, sounding both soothing and scared at the same time as she reaches to take a hold of his left hand for herself. “We didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I…I’m not upset,” Keith breathes out. “I just…I…”

“What is that paper?” Lance asks, sounding a bit alarmed and looking somewhat pale as he stares at Keith’s crying face from where he’s sitting in one of the armchairs.

Hunk picks it up from where it fell at Keith’s feet, holding it up and reading it for himself. He blinks.

“It’s a will,” he says softly. “’I, Kevin Akira Kogane, in the event of my passing, hereby leave all of my possessions and monetary matter to my only son, Keith Akira Kogane, to be received on his 18 th birthday and to be used and benefited from as he best sees fit…’”

“H-how…?” Keith manages to murmur through his tears, looking up at the older Holt members. “How did you find that? I didn’t even know…”

Colleen smiles gently, moving to sit beside Keith on the couch, Hunk slipping to sit on the armrest to give her room. She wraps an arm around Keith, holding him against her chest much like Shiro’s sure a mother would.

“We did some research and contacted some of the people your father used to know while he was still alive,” she says softly. “It wasn’t terribly difficult to find them, since we knew your father’s name and what he did for a living, and that he always lived in this area. His old colleagues and other acquaintances were only too happy to help us once we told them the situation. They still remember you and him very fondly.”

“Your Dad didn’t abandon you, Keith,” Matt says kindly. “He was always looking out for you. He wanted you to be okay no matter what, even though he knew he might die young. It just took for someone to care to find out to realize that, to find this proof of that.”

Keith sniffs, moving to wipe at his eyes with his fists, before Sam hands him a tissue that he uses to blow his nose.

“Look inside the album,” Katie encourages gently, still holding onto Keith’s hand.

Keith takes in a steeling breath before gently maneuvering his hand in Shiro’s hold to indicate Shiro to let go, and moving the paper envelope off the first page of the photo album. As Keith lets out a sound that is half a sob, half a laugh, Shiro leans in for a closer look as well.

What he sees in the album are multiple pictures of a dark-haired, bright-eyed child that can’t be anyone but Keith when he was little. He’s smiling and laughing in most of them, and generally accompanied by a tall, muscular man with short dark hair and a small scar cutting through rather familiar-looking single eyebrow over equally familiar eyes. Keith doesn’t much resemble his father, but the little details and the obvious affection between them in the pictures make it hard to mistake who the man could be.

“I never…” Keith breathes, pausing to swallow, his fingers gently caressing over the pictures, over his father’s features. “I never thought I’d see his face again.”

“His old friends were happy to provide the pictures,” Colleen says. “The album is only half full from them, though. The rest of it you can fill yourself.” She smiles. “You won’t ever have to worry you’ll forget someone’s face again.”

Keith lets out yet another half-sob. “Thank you,” he says softly, his eyes still solely focused on his father. “Thank you all so much.”

…

Once Keith has calmed down a little and gotten to wash his face in the Holts’ bathroom, all of them gather into the Holts’ dining room for pizza, chicken wings and sweets. The light meal and the rest of the party passes smoothly between easygoing discussion, good food and merry company.

It’s only when they’re all just about to burst from pizza that Sam and Colleen bring out the strawberry-and-chocolate cake, on top of it all of the seventeen candles to commemorate the occasion. Hunk starts them out in the traditional song for a birthday and everyone joins in, even as Keith blushes, while the Holt couple sets the cake before Keith, sitting at the head of the dining table as the guest of honor.  

“Blow out the candles and make a wish,” Katie encourages eagerly as they finish out the song.

Keith blinks rapidly a few times, staring at the candles with a blank expression, suddenly strangely still and unmoving.

“What’s wrong?” Shiro asks. Perhaps Keith doesn’t want to make a wish? He must’ve had and made so many wishes growing up, on stars, on birthday candles, on loose eyelashes, only to find most of them dashed as the years went by. Shiro wouldn’t blame him if he wished to sit this part of traditional birthdays out.

“Nothing,” Keith says, still staring at the candles. “That…that’s the problem.”

“What do you mean?” Hunk asks.

Keith’s cheeks turn pink, his eyes gleaming in the light of the candles. “When…when I was little, I feel like…I feel like I always wished for basically the same thing, just in different ways, in different words. Then I eventually stopped wishing for anything at all because my one wish never seemed to come true. I lost hope,” he says, averting his eyes momentarily, before looking up at the cake again. “But now…now I feel like it has. Come true, I mean. Just…not in a way that I expected.”

“That’s the thing about wishes,” Lance says, surprising Shiro. “My Abuela always says you can’t expect them to come true right away, or automatically. You have to wait for them and work for them. But you must never give up hope, because if you keep faith, your wishes  _ will  _ come true. The universe will hear your plea.”

Keith smiles in his direction. “She sounds like a wise woman.”

“She’s the best,” Lance says. “Hey, since your original wish – whatever it was – came true when you never really expected it to, why don’t you wish for something that you really, really want but don’t expect to ever happen? Something a little crazy?”

Keith blinks a few times in rapid succession, before focusing his eyes on the candles. His gaze takes on an almost dreamy look, his cheeks flushing a soft but deep red, eyes looking almost liquid in the melting warm light of the candles dancing in them.

“Okay,” he says, softly closing his eyes and blowing out the candles. They all go out in a single breath, and everyone claps cheerfully at the sight of it.

“What did you wish for?” Shiro asks as Colleen and Sam begin to hand out the cake out to everyone in pieces.

“Oh come on, I can’t tell you that,” Keith says, a small smirk taking over his features. “Then it definitely won’t come true.”

Shiro snorts. “Well, how about this? When it comes true, you tell me about it, okay?”

Keith smiles. “Okay. That I guess I can do,” he says. “You might wait a long time though.”

“Well, it’s as I’m always telling you: patience yields focus,” Shiro says, chuckling and shoving a piece of birthday cake into his mouth.

…

The rest of Keith’s birthday passes by smoothly with some party games and jolly time spent together. Eventually, though, Keith starts to become a little fidgety and begins to show signs of wanting to be left at peace for a bit, so Shiro gently suggests calling it a night. Keith is going to stay with the Holts over the weekend, but Shiro drives Hunk and Lance back to the Garrison for the night after final congratulations and hugs. A part of Shiro wishes he could stay too, but he’d promised to meet Dr. Sherman for his regular check-up on Sunday when she has less to do and there are less people milling about and starting rumors, so he can’t.

Time begins moving fast for Shiro again as October comes to its end. There seems to constantly be more to be done for the Kerberos mission, the Garrison staff finalizing the details with him and Shiro giving out interviews and speeches for the public before he’s to go off to bootcamp right after New Year’s. It all keeps Shiro busy, but he also makes sure to save some time for the people important to him in his life. He needs to make the most of everything and everyone while he still can so the memories will carry him forward in space at his most lonely and dark hours. If losing Adam taught him anything, it’s that he needs to make each moment count and not waste it on trivial things. That when he’s grateful and loves someone, he should show it. There are people in his life that have been good to him and cared for him when Adam didn’t. He ought to show how much he appreciates it if nothing else.

Thereby, he eats dinner at least once a week with the Holts, he tutors Keith, goes racing with him in the desert and spars with him at the Garrison gym. Shiro and Matt talk about the mission and how excited they both are for it constantly now. With Sam’s ultimatum to the Garrison, Shiro hasn’t been pressured to step down again once he put his own foot down, at least not verbally. But he’s dealt with whispers and unpleased looks all his life; he can take a few more for the sake of this mission, for the sake of his possibly final chance at flying, his ultimate dream.

When the holidays spring around, Shiro almost without making a conscious decision finds himself spending them with the Holts and Keith. It’s just as amazing and warm and fun as he imagined it to be the previous year while being stuck with the Williamses. He gets a bit drunk on wine and eats far too much of the magnificent dinner they’re served, they all watch old Christmas movies together on TV, play some games and shoot off the Holts’ home-made fireworks in their backyard. Keith falls asleep against him on the couch at the end of the night, Katie sleeping against Keith in turn and Matt snoring in one of the armchairs. And Shiro doesn’t think there’s anywhere else he’d rather be that moment, fondness warming him up right to his very core.

Bootcamp is just about the same as before when it comes around. It’s familiar in its harshness, and Shiro almost welcomes it. The roughness of it helps him sweat out any of the remaining frustrations, doubts and pains of the past year, of all his losses and gains. He texts Keith and Matt – who is off on his own bootcamp with his father and evidently suffering for it – and even Katie while he’s there, gives out some final interviews about the Kerberos mission between training and no longer think about Adam.

Shiro eats one last meal with the Holts upon his returns, roughly a week before the launch. He buys the ingredients but leaves the cooking to them, since he knows he’d just mess it up. It’s a good reminder and celebration of all they’ve all experience together, what he, Matt and Sam are still going to experience. It feels like the best possible way to say goodbye before Shiro is to leave the four of them to just spend time amongst themselves in preparation for a half of their family going off to travel multiple lightyears away to worlds unknown. He gives out more interviews, finalizes the plans for the mission, visits his small but incredible new ship and familiarizes himself with it as best as he can before he launch.

His last night on Earth Shiro spends with Keith, racing hoverbikes one last time to watch the sun set over the desert.

“I’ll miss you,” Keith murmurs quietly as twilight begins to settle in over and around them, him and Shiro both leaning against the side of Shiro’s bike, huddled close together as they take it all in. Shiro always misses people more than he actually misses Earth while he’s away, but he thinks if there is a place or a sight on this planet he’s going to especially think about while he’s gone, it would be this one. “But I’m really happy for you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Shiro says softly, reaching warp an arm around Keith’s shoulders. “It’s okay if you’re sad I’m leaving, Keith.”

“I don’t want to be like Adam,” Keith says bitterly.

“You’re not,” Shiro says gently. “You’ve never tried to stop me. You’ve always supported me and believed in me. You’ve only ever wanted what’s best for me, what makes me happy.” He smiles warmly. “You’re the first one who ever told me it was my life to live. I’ll never forget that, Keith.”

“That’s just basic decency!” Keith cries.

“Maybe,” Shiro says. “But I think we both know that to some people, that means very little.” Keith bites his lip. His eyes look a bit red in the dimming light. “Time will pass sooner than you think. You’ll have all of my last years, I promise. And then I’ll be the one waiting for you to come home.”

Shiro hears Keith swallow hard, feels him trembling against his side. “I just wish…” Keith trails off, his voice breaking, eyes hidden by his bangs in his frown.

“I know,” Shiro says, and pulls Keith closer to him. “Me too.”

…

Shiro brings Keith to the Kerberos launch as promised. He shows off everything to Keith, they take pictures, they give each other hugs. They make up for what they almost missed the first time Shiro was to take Keith to a space launch. Katie and Matt join them for a few things, a few pictures, but they also spend time just the two of them. Keith hugs Matt tight as well, though, when the time to say final goodbyes comes. Shiro knows they’ve grown close with all the time Keith has spent over at the Holt residence, with Matt seeming to have adopted Keith as his younger brother figure. Katie cries a little and Keith wraps his arms around her, too.

Keith doesn’t cry. His smiles have seemed a bit wobbly and forced at times during the day, but that’s all. And Shiro probably only notices that because he knows Keith so well.

The thought of Keith putting on a brave face likely for Shiro’s sake makes his heart grow warm with fondness as he wraps his arms around Keith in on last hug. “I’ll be back before you know it. You just keep on doing your best. I want to see all of my records broken by the time I get back.”

Keith laughs tearfully against his chest, the dam finally evidently starting to crack. “Okay,” he says. “Just…be safe up there.”

“I will,” Shiro says, stroking down Keith’s hair. “I’ll come back, Keith, I promise.”

The final call for Shiro to enter the ship rings around them, and he makes his mind up in a split second. He gives Keith another small kiss to the side of his head, and this time Keith doesn’t tense up. He just squeezes Shiro tight against him, sniffling a little, before Shiro forces himself to let go of him and begin to go on his way.

He turns to look back just before he boards the Persephone, seeing Keith, Katie and Colleen all sharing a group hug as none of them take their eyes off the ship. Shiro smiles. He’s so glad he’s not leaving Keith alone this time around. He gives a final wave to all of them before the elevator doors slide shut on him, taking him up to where he’s meant to be.

The launch goes well. Adrenaline surges through Shiro’s body, his heart beating in his ears. And he knows once and for all, more than ever before, that this is what he was meant to do. This mission is his destiny. No matter what, he will do this and return safely. He’ll make sure Matt and Sam return safely. They’ll all see their loved ones again, and live to tell an amazing tale of what they’ve seen, discovered and experienced at the edge of their solar system.

He and Keith may never get to see these sights together. The least Shiro can do is his best to make his mark, and to memorize all he sees for him before Keith has the chance to go off on his own missions that will likely take him even further than Shiro will ever get to go.

But for now, this is Shiro’s final time to shine.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previews of the planned sequel ideas for this:
> 
> \- Hunk fic focusing on his and Keith's friendship, concluding in "Pilot Error."  
> \- A fic about Shiro's return after he wakes up at the shack from his POV.  
> \- A fic from Allura's POV about her, Lance, Keith and Sheith.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh Shiro, you're far too optimistic about how this will go :P.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://nihonlove.tumblr.com/)!


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